Left With Liam

Chapter 33

Mel

I knew this conversation was long overdue. Liam deserved to know why I freaked out on our date and why I've been avoiding him lately. That didn't make it any easier to get the words out.

He looked nervous, sitting next to me on my bed. It was almost as if he thought one wrong word, one wrong move, would make me bolt. I guess I deserve that after the hell he must have been in these last couple of weeks.

I tried to soothe myself, taking a deep breath before I spoke. The words were right there on the tip of my tongue; I just needed to get them out. I wet my lips and swallowed, further preparing myself for the conversation that was about to happen.

I steeled my nerves as I looked at Liam. "I owe you an explanation."

His brows furrowed in confusion. I thought for a second that he was going to tell me I didn't owe him anything. That's Liam for you- always the gentleman- but I needed to do this. I had to tell him what's been going on in my head and my heart.

I held up one finger, making him pause as I continued my explanation. "I know I've been distant since our date at the arena. I'm sorry about that."

Liam opened his mouth to respond, shaking his head. "Mel, you have nothing to-"

"Please, Liam. Let me do this," I said pleadingly.

A slight grimace flashed on his face as he silenced himself, letting me continue.

I sent him an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry for running out on you as I did and for not giving you any explanation until now. It was just too hard for me to think about. So, I hid."

My breath caught as I stopped momentarily to steady myself. I couldn't look at Liam as I told him why I left our date so suddenly. Instead, I focused my gaze on my hands resting in my lap.

"On our date, everything was incredible. I was having an amazing time, and then when we started making out on the bench... I thought of Justin and how he used to sit on that bench. Then, all these feelings of guilt came rushing at me."

I bit my lip, remembering the moment my anxiety got the better of me. I scrunched my nose, fighting back fresh waves of emotion threatening to spill out through my eyes again.

My breath rushed out of me as I chanced a look at Liam. The pain I was feeling was clearly reflected on his face. He was hurting because I was hurting.

"I panicked. I'm so sorry, Liam. I just panicked."

The tears fell despite my efforts to keep them at bay. And my words spewed from my lips in a rush. "I've been battling this guilt for so long. The guilt that I'm here and he's not. The guilt that we didn't get to carry out the plans we made together. The guilt that after everything we shared, I'm starting to feel things again- things I've only ever felt with Justin. Except, now I'm feeling them for you."

Liam's eyes darted to mine. A plethora of emotions swirling in those gorgeous greens. His lips parted in surprise as I continued, "It scared me, Liam. The things I started to feel for you, how quickly they developed. It was terrifying. And a voice in the back of my head kept making me feel guilty for it. It kept telling me I was betraying Justin because I was falling for you."

Air filled my lungs once again as I wiped away my tears. I studied Liam as he absorbed my confession. His eyes were brimming with wetness as he reached for my hand.

"Mel," he said softly as I let him take my hand, covering it with the warmth of his own.

His mouth opened and closed a few times, trying to find the right words but failing. So, I smiled at him and gave him the words we both desperately needed to hear.

"It took me far too long to realize this, but he would want us to be happy. He wouldn't want me to close my heart off. He'd want me to share it with someone worthy of it. Someone like you."

Liam's breath hitched at my words, and the hand holding onto mine gripped more firmly. "What we feel isn't a betrayal. It's something to be admired, not ashamed of. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize that."

"After today, I finally see that. I'm ready to close that chapter in my story and start a new one. If you can find it in you to forgive me for being so awful these last two weeks."

When my eyes met Liam's again, he fought back tears as he looked at me. Those eyes, still so full of love and admiration, bore into me, rendering me speechless.

Before I knew it, Liam pulled me onto his lap, wrapping both of his strong arms around me, gathering me into his embrace. "There's nothing to forgive, Mel. You didn't do anything wrong."

I sniffed as I burrowed into his neck, stealing the closeness I've missed so much. I felt one hand trail upward, tangling into my hair as Liam spoke again. "I thought I pushed too far. I was worried that I'd crossed a line and scared you off."

My tears fell faster at his confession. I'd done that to him. I made him feel like he'd done something wrong. My arms pulled tighter around his neck as my tears turned into sobs. "I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Hey. Mel, don't do that. Don't you dare. You have nothing to apologize for," he said gently but firmly against my hair.

He pulled me away so he could look at my face. He looked pained as he swiped away tear after tear, letting his own start to fall. "You don't ever have to apologize for the way you feel, especially about this. And you are not to blame for the thoughts that ran through my head. Okay?"

Not trusting my voice, I answered with a nod, closing my eyes to take another deep breath. As I did, I felt Liam's warm hands cup my face.

His thumbs gently stroked my skin as I settled myself. When my eyes opened, he pleaded, "Next time, please talk to me. Whatever it is, you can tell me. If you start to feel that guilt or the voice comes back, spewing lies, please come to me, Mel. You're not alone in this."

I reached up, catching one of his tears as it fell before placing my hand on his chest, right over his heart. "I will. I'll tell you everything from now on. No more hiding."

Liam smiled as his thumbs kept soothing away my distress. "Thank you."

The space between us disappeared as he brought his lips to my forehead, making a smile of my own form over my mouth. The warmth of his lips left my skin too soon as he leaned away to ask, "Are you tired?"

I was, but I felt I needed to wash away the day before crawling into bed. "I am, but I want to shower real quick."

Liam nodded. "Okay, I'll give you some privacy."

He lifted me off his lap before kissing my temple and heading to his room through our shared bathroom. Before closing his door, he looked back at me and smiled. "Goodnight, Mel."

"Goodnight." I mirrored his expression as I watched the door swing shut between us.

It didn't take long for me to wash up and change into comfortable clothes. I tossed my outfit from today in my hamper as I walked toward my bed. My hand landed on the spot where Liam sat earlier. It was cool to the touch, missing the warmth that always emanated from his body.

I found myself craving that warmth, needing more of it, needing him. So, I marched back through the bathroom, stopping just outside Liam's door. I knocked softly before cracking it open.

"Liam?"

I heard his bed squeak as he sat up. "Yeah, Mel?"

I opened the door further, meeting the gaze of a shirtless Liam. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

His eyes softened at my question as a wide grin appeared on his beautiful face. He answered by pulling back the sheets and showing me the empty space next to him.

I wasted no time climbing into the vacant spot and curling up next to Liam. It felt right as he wrapped me in his arms again, pulling me into his welcome embrace.

As I snuggled into his chest, he murmured into my hair, "You're always welcome here, Mel. Always."

A dreamy sigh left my lips as exhaustion finally claimed me. For the first time in weeks, I slept soundly through the night.