Left With Liam

Chapter 35

Liam

Once Mel and Taylor left for work, T.J. and I had the apartment to ourselves. We were supposed to meet up with Chase soon to hang out, but I knew I had to take care of something first.

Ever since my talk with Mel, it's felt necessary. I can't believe I didn't think to do it before now...

I hear a knock on the door, and T.J. gets up to answer it. When I look up, I see Chase stroll in with a toothy grin. "What's up, fellas? What do you wanna do today? Catch a movie? Bar? Gaming? The world is our oyster."

T.J. chuckles, shaking his head at our friend's enthusiasm for guys' day. I mirror his response as I reply, "Actually, there was somewhere I wanted to go first..."

Chase plops down on the couch next to me, his face now looking a bit more serious than before. "Okay, where do you want to go?"

I swallow before looking up to meet his eye. "I need to go see Justin."

The guys are quiet for several seconds as they look me over. I see one corner of T.J.'s mouth twitch upward. When I make eye contact, he gives me a knowing look. I bet Tay filled him in on the details of her trip with Mel.

Chase takes a sharp inhale through his nose, then quickly turns away, nodding. "I think that's a good idea. It's been a while, huh?"

I swore I saw his eyes glisten before he turned away. Maybe we all needed this more than we thought. "Yeah, it's been a while."

I watch as his Adam's apple bobs when he swallows hard. A few seconds later, he turns back to me, clapping one hand on my shoulder. "We should definitely go see him."

~

An hour later, we're nearly at our destination. The three of us sit quietly as our driver takes us closer and closer to the cemetery.

I'm lost in thought when the car pulls to a stop. We're here. T.J., Chase, and I pile out of the car, making our way to Justin's resting place. It's cold out today and gloomy. Fitting for where we are, I guess.

A knot forms in my throat when we come up on Justin's headstone. As I work to clear it, Chase steps up, placing a hand on the top of the granite marker. "Hey, buddy. It's Chase. I'm here with Liam and T.J. I bet Tay's told you all about him already."

I see his face contort as a sad smile graces his lips. "I know it's been a while, but we wanted to come see you, catch you up with what's going on in our lives."

Chase swallows, and I hear the crack in his voice as he continues, "I got married! Can you believe it? Me! She's amazing. Her name is Lindsey. You probably met her before; she's Liam's sister."

That brings a smile to my lips as Chase chuckles to himself. "I bet you can imagine the shock on his face when he found out about me and her. I thought he was gonna kick my ass."

At that, all three of us let out a laugh. I watch the humor slowly leave Chase's face as he speaks again. "The wedding was beautiful, man. We did it in Aruba, on the beach. Lins looked like a goddess walking down the aisle toward me."

His nose crinkles as tears well in his eyes. "I wish you could have been there. We miss you, bro."

With that, Chase patted the top of Justin's headstone and stood up, quickly wiping at his eyes, turning away from T.J. and me. "I, uh- I'm gonna be over there. Let me know when you're ready."

It suddenly seemed warmer as he walked toward a weeping willow, leaving me with a head full of emotion and a very tight feeling in my throat. I swallowed hard, trying to loosen the knot that had formed in my throat- barely succeeding.

I nearly forgot T.J. was there until I heard him quietly say, "I'll give you some privacy."

I nodded in his direction as he headed down the path, away from Chase and me, giving us both space. Taking a deep breath, I crouched next to Justin's grave. "Hey, J. I know it's been a long time since my last visit. I'm sorry about that. I could say things got a little crazy; blame my absence on that. But- that would only be half true."

I look down at the ground, willing myself to say what needs to be said. A full minute goes by before I find the courage to say it. "The truth is, I've been selfish. I've avoided coming here because- because I couldn't admit to you what's been going on with me lately. The things I've felt... about her. I felt so much guilt."

I rubbed my nose as a tingling sensation began, threatening to start the waterworks. Pressing my eyes closed, I shoved the feeling away, forcing myself not to cry.

When the feeling passed, I opened my eyes and began again. "Mel said she came by yesterday. Said you gave us your blessing somehow. I just wanted to say thank you for that. And I need you to know that I'll take care of her. Always. She means so much to me. I don't think I can call it love yet, but I doubt that's far off. I care about her so much, J. So, so much."

The tears were threatening to spill. I could feel my throat tighten up. I have one more thing to say. I just need to get it out.

I cleared my throat, hoping to stave off my emotions a minute longer as I said, "She told me that I was your last gift to her. But I think she had it backward. I think she's my last gift from you. I'm thankful for that every day. I know, in a perfect world, you'd still be here, and the two of you would live happily ever after. Since that's not possible, I want to promise you that I'll spend every waking moment making sure she feels loved, appreciated, and happy. I promise you that, J. Until my last day, I'll make sure Mel knows how lucky I feel to have her in my life. She'll have the life she deserves. She'll always know happiness. I promise."

My tears were falling before I could get the last word out, but the wind picked up as they fell, and I felt a warm breeze touch my skin. It was strange- the wind should have been cold. Maybe this is Justin's way of telling me he's okay with this. Maybe this is what Mel was talking about when she said he gave us his blessing.

The thought warms my heart as I stand, placing both hands on the top of Justin's headstone. "Thank you, J. I've missed you, man. I'll come back sooner next time."

Before turning away, I had one last message to give. "I love you, brother."

Chase and T.J. were walking back toward me as I wiped my face, clearing away the tears that had spilled over. When they reached me, Chase asked, "You all good, dude?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm good. You ready to head back?"

Chase bobbed his head and started heading for the gate. We stopped when T.J. said, "Hey, can I just have a minute?"

We turned toward him, exchanging a glance as we told him to go ahead. The two of us watched from several yards away as T.J. knelt by the grave, saying something only to Justin. He didn't take long, but when he was done, the wind picked up again.

Chase furrowed his brows. "What's with the warm breeze? I felt it earlier too."

I smiled, now sure of Mel's theory. "It's Justin."

When I looked at Chase again, he was gaping at me. He took a few moments to collect himself, letting the information process before looking back to T.J. rising from the ground near Justin's grave. "What do you think T said to him?"

With a shrug, I answered, "Not a clue, but I'm sure it had something to do with Tay."

Chase let out a breathy chuckle. "Yeah, no doubt. He's such a suck for her."

I turned my attention back to my friend. "And you aren't for Lins?"

He bristled slightly. "Of course I am! But it's not like you can say much."

I met his eyes as he plastered a smirk on his face. "You're just as much a suck as the rest of us."

I couldn't even deny it. I was such a suck for Mel, and I was proud of it.

"Yeah. Yeah, I am," I grinned at him as T.J. rejoined the group.

We left the cemetery feeling joyful, all getting exactly what we needed from the visit. I felt it in my bones... From that day forward, things would only get better.

For all of us.