Returned to Sender - Scarlett Johansson

Part 14

Scarlett's POV

I was just finishing paying for an Ipad and an Apple watch for Sawyer, late birthday gifts so that she had somewhere to store all her science stuff and also so that if she wanders off again, I can track her using Find a Friend on the watch when my phone rang. Worry filled my bones when I noticed it was Lizzie; one thing crossed my mind, Sawyer.

"Liz, is everything ok?" I ask. As soon as I answered, a feeling of dread overcame me; I could just tell something was wrong with my baby. "I- um, a fan wanted a picture, and that turned into six fans, and when I turned around, Sawyer was gone-" "Gone where?" I cut off, already starting to speed walk back to the cafe. "I think she was looking for you; anyway, as soon as I saw she wasn't there, I went looking for her; luckily, her boot makes her pretty slow, so I have her-" "thank god, if you have her, why do you sound so worried if you have already found her?" I interrupt again, needing help understanding the problem.

"Well, you see, she's kind of having a panic attack because when I found her, I totally spaced and went to grab her shoulder to stop her because she wasn't listening to me telling her to wait," she mumbled, making my heart speed up. As soon as she said that, I sped up, knowing what Sawyer is like when she panics.

"And well now, um, she is doing that headbanging thing. She has backed herself up against a storefront and keeps rocking back and forth. She was gentle at first, so I thought she might be able to self-soothe, but now she's banging her head against the wall fairly hard," she explains, sounding worried, which is understandable. "And I just don't know what to do. Should I just watch her, talk to her? I want to stop her hitting her head, but I'm scared to touch her again in case that just makes it all worse," Lizzie explains, making me start to run in their direction. "Which store are you by?" I ask while my eyes dart around, looking for them as I get nearer. "The one next to the cafe, as I said, she didn't get very far," Liz says before I hang up and literally sprint over to them.

The sight in front of me makes me want to burst into tears.

Sawyer is rocking herself against the wall while Lizzie is sitting in front of her, trying to talk to her. Both of them have tears running down their faces. As soon as I'm close enough, I grab Sawyer pulling her into my body before holding her head against my chest as she shifts to start banging her head against me instead of the wall.

"Shhh, Sawyer, Mama is here; you're going to be ok, baby. I'm here," I coo at her, hoping to coax her out of her memory.

That's what I've noticed about Sawyer; when she's like this, it's not so much a panic attack as a memory attack. I'm pretty sure she has PTSD from whatever her foster father did to her because it's not like she can't breathe or anything; it's more like she is trapped in her own head and just can't find her way back to reality.

Realising that Sawyer is too far into the memory for me to coax her out, I just hold her tight, rocking us back and forth before turning to Lizzie, who is still sitting on the floor, tears running down her face as she watches Sawyer.

"Lizzie?" I ask, making her head snap in my direction, although her eyes stay locked on Sawyer, who is still fighting against my hold on her head. "Lizzie, look at me, not Sawyer," I say, trying to get her to stop punishing herself. I mean, one look at her, and you can tell she thinks Sawyer's panic is her fault, but it isn't.

It's mine.

Sawyer had such a busy day, and then I left her alone, knowing that she panics when that happens. I even promised her in the car that I would stay with her and not go, and I did anyway. After what happened with the security guard yesterday, I should know better than to let her out of my sight. I should have known this would be all too much for her. "Lizzie, this isn't your fault; she's just too far into the memory now. She's going to be fine. She just needs to play it through," I explain as Lizzie still stares at the struggling child in my arms.