Finding Betsy (Betsy Jones Book 2)

Finding Betsy - Chapter 25

Hedges passed in a green blur, interspersed with the odd break which revealed a field full of sheep or cows. The isolated roads meant there were no traffic jams and incidentally no possible delays between her and the reunion she was about to have. Betsy had put this off for too long.

Claire stared out of the window before absently commenting, "I can't wait to see Nathan Senior."

Betsy hummed.

"You know how much I love Nathan Senior. His son on the other hand."

Betsy frowned at her big sister. "Claire, you know it wasn't his fault. We grew apart. Losing Peter was something neither of us could come back from."

"No, he abandoned you. Call it what you will." She sniffed and dragged her gaze away from the window. "If something like that happened with this pregnancy, I would expect Ian to be patient and support me through it. Not run off and find someone else to fulfill his fantasies of being a father."

Betsy rubbed at her tired eyes, regretting the mascara she had applied. She pulled out her phone and flicked on the camera. She groaned. Black smears covered the delicate skin beneath her eyes. She rubbed at the black streaks but they only got worse.

Dropping her phone back to her lap with a sigh, she looked over at her sister.

"It wasn't like that and you know it. I was in a dark place. And so was he. We couldn't look one another in the eyes without one of us falling apart." She stated, before staring resolutely at the back of seat in front of her. "It was a mutual decision to separate. It was a mutual decision to get a divorce."

"Mutual decision? As if. You forget I was right there watching you go through it all. No, you decided to separate to heal. And while you were trying to get your life back together, he went and knocked up another woman." Claire replied angrily, her hands bunching into fists in her lap.

"Look Claire, I love you but you were not a part of the marriage. You don't know everything that went on." Betsy replied coolly, her own hands fisted within her lap. "He didn't do anything wrong. It was me, okay? I'm the one who wanted to get separated. He didn't.I'm the one who wanted to get divorced."

"After he had knocked up his bit on the side."

Betsy shook her head. "He tried to keep us together but I couldn't do it."

"You're just saying that so I don't hate him."

Betsy sighed softly, her head dropping down in the process. "The truth is, I had already started to fall out of love with him before I got pregnant with Peter. I thought it was just cold feet. And then when I got pregnant, I was so happy, we both were. But the cracks were still there."

Silence filled the car for solid minute. Betsy had pressed both of her hands over her eyes, guilt and shame warring for dominance within her. It felt good to admit the truth. She hadn't even confessed everything to Nick, or even to Nathan. She had wanted to protect him. It had been almost to easier to blame all of their problems on the loss of her son.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Claire asked quietly, turning the radio off so there was nothing to fill the silence between them.

Betsy shook her head and blinked back the tear that wanted to fall. "Because I didn't want to admit that I was a failure. Not to you. You told me not to rush into a wedding. You said we were too young. But after mum and dad —. I didn't listen. I thought I knew better. We would be together forever and you would know how wrong you were. And yet it was me who ruined everything."

"Don't say that."

"Why not? It's the truth." Betsy sighed and rubbed a tired hand down her face. "I didn't want you to think less of me. A part of me could pretend it wasn't my fault if I kept it all to myself. All it did was make me hate myself."