Astrid

--14--

The moment Christmas Day ended, the job search was on. I had 5 pounds to my name, and I really couldn't keep buying stuff with Carter's money.

I spent hours online, so did Aiden and Carter and Jordan, but we couldn't find anything.

I made a small amount of money a month, from my Instagram, but it wasn't enough to keep me going for the rest of my life.

I was very close to making a YouTube account, to post my music for the world, to grow an even bigger social presence, but I decided against it at the last minute.

Why? Because I just didn't feel the need, it didn't feel right and it just wasn't me. I didn't want to have to record every single thing I did, just to get some views.

Also I knew the hate comments would break me. I got a few already, but I blocked the users and began to ignore every comment ever.

If I did have a YouTube channel, it would make it way easier for my dad to track me down, as well. He was already close, seeing me at the Talent Show, threatening me with something against Carter.

It was all too much.

If I could, I would go back in time, so I had never met the boys, so they weren't pulled into the mess that I called my life. But then everything would be different, and I don't know what I would prefer.

But everything happens for a reason, and I still had small amounts of hope that this was the storm before the rainbow.

If this was the quiet before the storm, the storm would be so huge that pretty much everyone would be blasted into small pieces. Like when you put strawberries into a blender.

I was sat on the floor in the Kitchen, that seemed to be the place I went to when I needed to think, to get away, to escape. But it never really worked.

"Hey, Assi, get your ass in here." Jordan shouted from the living room, making me escape from my world of overthinking.

Panicking, I got to my feet and walked over to where they were. I honestly can't believe I told them so quickly about what happened. I really shouldn't have opened up to a group of people like that.

It took me years to tell Kaitlyn, and in two months I told people who were complete strangers? Sure, they didn't know every detail, but still...

Also I can't believe Kaitlyn stabbed me in the back like that, I missed her everyday and it was tough, for someone I used to trust so much to glare at me every time I walked past her.

I sat down, looking expectantly at them all, to see what they wanted. They were all sat together, grim expressions on their faces as they looked at me.

"What?" I asked, my eyes darting around the room nervously.

"We need to figure out what to do with keeping you safe from your dad." Carter stated, grabbing my hand and drawing comforting circles on it with his thumb.

"He'll find me either way. Just tell me what you want to do and get it over with. He'll probably turn up somewhere and get me back at any point, so there's no stopping it." I told them, spitting out the truth. It really was what I believed.

Carter ran his hands through his hair, looking very disturbed. Aiden raised his eyebrows, Jordan staring at me as if he couldn't believe a word I just said.

"But if we take precautions, we can keep you safe for longer." Jordan butted in, glaring at me slightly. "We all know deep down that it won't be forever, but it can for the meantime."

I shook my head, really regretting telling them.

"He's always going to have some effect on me, whether he's near me or not. He scares the shit out of me and you all know that, ok? Don't act like you can stop him from being near me, from texting me, because you can't. Everything happens for a fucking reason and the world just likes to fuck me up. I'll give whatever plan you have a shot, but the moment he gets me..." I didn't know where this sudden burst of anger came from. I felt tears slip down my cheek as I carry on my mini rant. "t-the moment he gets me...I...I need you to h-he-help."