Astrid

--28--

third person pov

Jordan sat at the table of their house, running a hand through his hair slowly. He was frustrated and annoyed and he needed to go on a run. He needed to get out of the house, but there was a sinking feeling in his gut. A big wave of dread washing over him as he studied. He kept thinking to himself, 'I wish Astrid still lived here... she could help me.'

He face palmed into the table, when his phone dinged. He got...an email?

He never got emails.

He checked it and saw the first sentence, a foreboding feeling washing over him. No. No. She didn't. No.

He began to shake, shaking his head.

"GUYS?" he called out, tears threatening to spill over. No. No. No. No. No.

It's just a stupid joke. Please just be a stupid joke. Please don't be dead.

Carter and Aiden ran down the stairs, looking worried as they saw their best friend almost sobbing at the table.

"What's going-"

Then they saw it.

The suicide note.

Dear boys,

hey. I'm really sorry. I just couldn't be here anymore. It's not any of your faults, it's mine. I stabbed him. Please don't blame yourselves.

I knew my life was going to end up like this anyways. Please forgive me for doing it. Forgive me for killing myself. I'll be waiting for you in 40 years.

Move on from me quickly, that's my last wish. Don't bargain and say what if because the truth is I'm dead.

I really do love you guys, and Carter, I meant every word I said. I still love you. This isn't any of your faults or anything so please don't blame yourselves.

I'm sorry it had to end this way.
love,
Astrid.

"No." Aiden screeched, falling to the floor and gulping loudly, before releasing a heart aching sob and rocking backwards and forwards. "S-she...A-A-Ass-Assi. No. I-"

Jordan took a deep breath, tears welling in his eyes while he stared at the words on the screen. "I...No. She can't be."

Carter looked at his crumpled mess of friends, his eyes just seeing red. Didn't she understand that he needed her? Didn't she understand he couldn't live without her. DIDNT SHE UNDERSTAND HE LOVED HER. But he never told her properly.

He knew he loved her but he told her when they were fighting. It didn't count. She didn't believe it.

"Fuck. Shit. FUCK. SHIT." he screamed into the heavens, cracking his knuckles and trying to rid the anger somehow.

What the fuck was he going to do without her?

What were Aiden and Jordan going to do?

The future seemed dull for the boys, like a boat of sailors after a bad storm. One of their shipmates thrown overboard by the wind we call life.

The rest of the day was grim and bare, they hardly spoke. There was a lot of crying, mainly from Aiden, but Carter and Jordan sniffled in secret.

There was just...silence. Nothing else. It was...odd. The whole house felt different. It felt cold, the loving hug of Astrid's arms no longer open to the boys.

Her beautiful singing voice no longer filling the air, her cooking no longer to be smelled or tasted again. Nothing would be the same again.

"Should we go to her house?" Carter asked them, after an hour or three, no one could really tell anymore.

The life of the house had been lost, it had been forgotten, and there was no clear sign of when it would be found again. If it ever did was another question.

"Okay." Jordan agreed, him and Aiden slowly getting to their feet. The lives had been sucked out of them.

They walked to the car, silently and slowly, their minds still trying to comprehend the great loss they had had.

When they got into the car, no one sat in the passenger seat. Aiden took the aux cord and out on Astrid's favourite songs.

They all silently cried for her, singing along to the songs mournfully as they kept staring at the seat next to Carter. As if they were begging, hoping she would just...appear.

But she wouldn't. And they all knew that, even if they didn't want to.

They arrived at her house, Carter parking sloppily, not a care in the world now that she was gone.

The door was locked. But they needed to get in there.

So they did what they should have done months ago.

They called the police and explained everything.

And then they were let into the house, and saw Astrid's body on the floor, the knife in her hand, a slit in her chest matching her dad's.

Her eyes were closed and she looked... peaceful. If that was even possible.

The boys watched her body, begging for it to breathe. But it didn't.

And it wouldn't ever again.