Astrid

--22--

(astrids pov)

Great. This was all just great. So very great. Fuck this shit.

I was back in my old room. The walls still mouldy, the floor still crusty, the bed still tiny. I was sat on my floor, against the door, begging myself to breathe. Begging myself to not go back there. Why the fuck did he bring me back here?

I woke up and I was here. He dragged me out of his car. I had no idea where I was, until he took it off and shoved me into my old room. I had no idea what was going on.

I say there shaking, my hands sweating, the rest of my body was not moving an inch. It wouldn't, even though I kept begging it to.

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. Then another. And another. Until I was completely sobbing, trying to be as quiet as possible. I didn't want to be back there. I didn't ask for it.

I fell asleep against my door, exhausted from all the things going through my mind, and how overwhelmed I was. I couldn't do it.

--

Walking into school was the worst. Everyone was looking at me, even "my dad" dropped me off, and said he would pick me up so I wouldn't do a runner. And he told me he would know if I told anyone where I went.

I was so fucking scared it wasn't even funny.

I made my way to my locker, keeping my head down, and ran straight into Kaitlyn. That was awkward.

"H-hey Astrid?" she looked down at me, and I looked up at her. "Are you ok?"

"Just fine." I muttered, pushing past her to get to my locker.

I couldn't be bothered with her shit. I just wanted to go home. Not that I even had a home. I never had a home. Never.

I was getting my books out of my locker, when I felt someone grab my wrist and turn me to face them. I jumped out of the way, fear wracking my brain.

"Assi?" Aiden asked, looking at me and backing away. "We were so worried. Are you ok?"

"I don't want to talk right now." I whispered, walking away.

I knew if I spoke to them, I would have to tell them. And I couldn't. For their health, and my own.

I just couldn't.

--

Lunchtime. Just what I needed. I found a table round a corner and sat down, carrying on with school work because I had no food.

I was writing in my science textbook, when I heard three trays drop down on the table around me. I looked up, Carter, Aiden and Jordan all staring at me. All different expressions.

I ignored them, carrying on writing in my textbook, even though I felt bad. Even though I knew they were worried.

"Astrid." Jordan said, his tone icy and hard. "What in the ever-loving fuck?"

I ignored him, feeling tears at the back of my throat.

"Assi, come on, what's going on?" Aiden said, and moved my textbook away.

I also ignored him, pulling it back towards me and carrying on writing.

I couldn't do it. I knew I was going to tell them. I couldn't. It wouldn't end well.

"Guys you're being mean. If she doesn't want to tell us she doesn't have to. We just have to be here for her." Carter responded, shooting the others glares.

"Like you can say anything about being mean." I responded, standing up and packing my textbooks away. "Cheaters gonna cheat. Taylor Swift, always right." and with that, I walked away.

They could all fuck off.

I loved them dearly, but no.

Just no.

I knew I was being rude. I knew I was being bratty. I knew it.

I was walking down the hall, and Carter came running after me.

"Astrid what that actual fuck?" He shouted, and I turned to glare at him.

"No. You can't fucking-"

"I can. Astrid what the fuck. Why are you being so fucking bratty? Listen to me, we all care and you're just acting like we all are people trying to... eat your cereal! What the fuck is happening with you. You know what, I don't care. Have fun wherever you live."

I stopped in my tracks, and whispered. "He found me."