only seventeen ♬ red hot chili peppers anthony kiedis fanfiction

Chapter 38

It all happened so quickly. I wake up the next morning, and I feel sick. I feel nauseated. My head started to spin. I can't gather my thoughts before the day starts like I usually would. I don't want to believe that Anthony would force me to have sex with him.

I rolled over, looked to my left and saw that Anthony was still asleep. I quietly got my things, like a new bra and panties, grabbing a pair of jeans and a white t shirt, hopping in the shower.

I locked the door, undressed myself and allowed the water to flow down every part of my body. I grabbed a loofah and squeezed mango body wash onto it, scrubbing away the dirtiness and grimy-ness of last night. I splashed my face and scrubbed my hair with shampoo, lastly rinsing and drying myself off. It's almost as though I was trying to scrub Anthony's essence off my body; it didn't work.

I got dressed, letting my hair air dry as I tip-toed into the kitchen to make breakfast. The shower cleansed my spirit a little, and I feel less sick then how I did after I woke up, but I still felt a little dizzy, so I poured some orange juice to pep myself up.

Chad was the first one up. When he saw me he quietly said, "Morning, Wren."

"Morning," I said dryly, taking a swig of my juice.

"How did you sleep?"

"Fine," I lied.

In all honestly, I didn't fall asleep until 2a.m this morning. My mind was in a state of anxiety after what I endured.

"Whatchu' making?"

I popped a piece of bread in the toaster and said, "Toast."

I heard a yawn, followed by a loud stretch and muscle cracking; it was Anthony slowly getting up.

"Way to be quiet in the morning," he said jokingly.

Looking at his face made my heart sting. I was nervous at the thought of having a normal conversation with him. How can anything be completely back to normal after what happened?

"Morning," he said to me, with a small grin.

"Morning," I replied, trying not to sound hurt or let the tears sting in my eyes.

"What's in store for today?" Chad asked, throwing his huge arms over his head and stretching.

I zoned out, not paying attention to this casual as fuck conversation, as if what hadn't flowed last night never existed, Anthony making smaller than small talk. It makes me sick.

I can't stand the ignorance anymore, so I don't hold back my tears; I'm no longer embarrassed to cry in front of Anthony, because I want him to know exactly what I was feeling.

"Wren?" Chad asked, "Why are you crying?"

"It's just..." I looked up at Anthony, unable to tell what look he's giving me right now. It's like he's sort of empathetic, but tries to hide his hurt from me.

"Why?" I whispered to him, wiping my tears away.

He sighed and said, "Chad, mind giving us a minute?"

"Sure."

Anthony walks up to me, and I take a step back.

He finally unveils the hurt he feels inside on his face, and tries leaning in for a hug, but I push him away harshly, causing him to tumble back.

"Tell me exactly," I began, "what you meant by, 'marking your territory,' huh?"

He looks down and rubs his chin. "I saw the way you and John were bonding last night. I'll admit it made me jealous, alright? I just," he scratches his neck, stuttering and fiddling a little, "baby, I never meant to hurt you. I wanted to show you how much you mean to me, but I didn't do it right, obviously. I should've stopped when you told me, n-no..." he chokes up, tears forming in is waterline.

I wait until he composes himself before he continues by saying, "My girl, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Wren. I don't know if you can ever forgive me, but I'm sorry. I swear, I'm not that type of person."

He walks over to me, close enough to stroke his hand along my soft cheek.

"I don't know just yet," I said.

He nods understandingly. "Well, when you decide, I'll be right here."

He walks away, then stops and turns around. "Oh, and I didn't mean when I said you were up for grabs, Wren," he said. "I overheard you expressing it to John, and the way he handled how you felt was something I wished you expressed to me. I've been meaning to talk to you about it, but never got around to it. So I'm sorry I wasn't there, or even so much as said something completely idiotic, the way that I did."

I stare at the ground. "John and I are friends, Anthony. I shouldn't be scared to hang out with him because I'm afraid of making you jealous...you have to trust me."

He stays quiet, seemingly ashamed of himself.

I feel like I'm always forgiving him for things. I feel as though my heart is trying to fit inside my body, but it's too big. I love him so much, and it makes me ashamed to admit. It's times like these when I remember the good qualities that my parents have instilled in me, the lessons. Such as forgiving even the worst of sins; I believe I've taken that one step ahead. At this point I can't decide if I'm forgiving, or just stupid.

As I take a bite of my toast that I've spread strawberry jam on, i begin feeling nauseated again. The pain swirls around in my stomach as the word, "rape," approaches in my head. I get up and run to the bathroom.

"Wren?" Anthony said.

I spit up in the toilet.

He holds my hair back, rubbing my back as he tries calming me down by saying, "Alright, it's okay, it's okay."

I continue barfing up mucus, repeating the mantra to myself in my head, it wasn't rape. It wasn't. He's my boyfriend, therefore, it wasn't rape; he was sexually hungry, and you need to provide for him.

I calmed down.

"Wren...are you alright now?"

"It wasn't rape."