only seventeen ♬ red hot chili peppers anthony kiedis fanfiction

Chapter 45

Sensitive themes in the following part. Please do not leave negativity. Everybody believes different things and there's no problem with that. This is part of the story.

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"Alright, how do I do this?" I whispered in the confession booth at my church.

No, my parents didn't force me into this. This is something I wanted to do, an epiphany I got last night, thinking it would help cleanse my soul. Things just seem a lot clearer when people are off your back, without forcing you to do something. It almost makes you, want to do it.

"Dear um, Father. I'm sorry. I just didn't want to be afraid. People have told me so many things about You, most of which are lies. I realised that I was following the 'rules' because I was scared of the punishment. I learnt that there is none. You were punished on our behalf. And so when I follow you, it's because I want to."

Anthony was not an evil person. He may not have been perfect, but he was my boyfriend. He's given me love that I felt deprived of in my own household. I hope you know how I feel...you probably do. Um, yeah. Oh, and please help Anthony find his way in life, and watch over him. Amen."

I exit the booth, kissing the icon on my way out. Being a Christian, I realised, isn't some fascist, bigoted, rule following way of living. It's just about believing in God, and trusting in Him, so people have told me. But now, I finally understand it.

On the way home, I began to question where I lost myself. Was I having an identity crisis? Was I so caught up in a different lifestyle of living that I lost who I was along the way? And gosh, how could I have been so stupid, using drugs, smoking, having dangerous sex? Anthony may have been right. I have gone through so much within a few months than what most people get to experience their whole lives. But the funny thing is, I wouldn't change anything about it.

I stroll through the streets of California, looking around, thinking of all of the things I would miss. The beautiful palm trees, the busy streets which I oddly will miss, the sunsets and rises from my room I will miss, everything. I lived in San Diego up until I was five, and I don't remember much of it, but I know it will be just as beautiful and exciting again. Plus, I should leave room in my heart for change.

There's just one thing I didn't yet do.

Once I got home, I searched through my drawer for the shorts I was wearing that I folded up the poem Anthony wrote for me. I read over it one more time, tearing up.

Oh what a cutie

The way she shines her beauty

What she has to show

Her body

And how she takes off her clothes

She's the ultimate queen

Her laugh

Her face

Her smile

I wish she sees what I see

I contemplated what I should do with it. Then, I made and came to terms with it.

I opened my window, folded it, and ripped the pages up, so the little pieces flew all over the front yard, and some out into the street. I felt as though I was going to regret it, but oddly enough I didn't. Sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.