Winter (Jimin x Reader)

Dew

You walked away from him, instantly feeling like maybe your choice of words were too heavy. You didn't hate him. You only hated his way of wanting to help, but you couldn't just go back and say just kidding. The expression he gave you to hear you say that was one you knew meant he'd never allow himself to be happy again. You knew so damn well how bad you hurt him but all that mattered was your daughter for now. Six hours you waited without a sign of Hanaes health nor Jimins existence.

It made you anxious to have neither of them—one of them being your fault that he wasn't here. The doctor came out and interrupted your train of thought. He called for you and you immediately approached him. "Hi. Your- daughter Hanae had several analysis done, she was in close monitoring for a while. Unfortunately it was a case of sleep apnea where in this case she remained without breathing for a longer than usual. We checked for any brain or organ damage along with other careful measures but she is stable now. Sleep apnea in babies is common so we had to check her history and such to be able to determine how to treat her, but don't worry. We'll only be keeping her overnight and we'll see how she holds up."

You sat back down after a discussion with the doctor but you couldn't stay sitting. You needed to talk to Jimin and immediately apologize. You could almost picture him crying his eyes out and blaming himself. That or he was cursing you out and was angry. Either way you hated the choice of words you threw at him earlier. You got up and went back to the empty waiting room where you left him but you heard him speaking.You stopped at the hallway and his behind the wall to listen to his conversation on the phone with someone.

"It is my fault. I shouldn't have kept lying to her like this... no! She hates me! She said it in her own words!" you heard him crying desperately to whoever was across the line. You peeked and saw him squatting down, facing the seats as he spoke. All you saw were his shoulders rising up and down at his unsteady tearful breaths. He still wasn't okay.

"How am I supposed to just go up to her and say hey i lied to you for months but sorry. I don't want to upset her anymore...Mom, all I want is for Hanae to be okay. She's what we both care about. I love (y/n), I love her. I love my daughter. I love my family and that's why they don't deserve for me to tell them the truth. Not until I fix it."

Mom...he's speaking to his mom..but what truth? You wanted to walk in and begin questioning him but you needed to hear it all. If his mother knew what he was talking about, she must be giving him advice, but truth about what? You waited a while longer.

"Mom- all I- all I wanted was to give them the best. I just want to have a good, stable family but I can't even give them happiness. I can't provide stability. I've been trying my hardest, earning money as best as I can, submitting applications and looking for small day-jobs anywhere but is just not enough. I lost my job two months ago and I still can't get another one. I've earned just enough to pay for food but I can't. I haven't paid rent, I haven't paid bills. The landlord told me he already gave me two months to pay and this is the last month I have to pay it all. I don't need (y/n) to know all that. I just need to solve it all and she'll never know but those small jobs aren't enough to pay for her needs and wants. I try to give her everything she needs and I try to get her what she wants here and there, but I can't even spend a day asking Yoongi to let me borrow money without me falling more into debt. I can't put her through all that stress," he said, drowning in tears.

You stepped back, let your back hit the wall and covered your mouth with your hand. Your eyes immediately began shaking tears out in disbelief. All this time his troubles were because of money.

You felt so ashamed to not have realized earlier. His face had become thinner because dinner was given all to you during your pregnancy. All this time he pretended he had already eaten before you or "at work" when all he did out was hard labor for a few dollars a day. You remembered how he'd come home exhausted some days more than others but he'd serve you dinner and he'd always give you larger portions.

"You aren't gonna eat?"
"You eat jagiya. Your belly needs all the food! Plus I already ate a ton at work so don't worry!," he'd say with a smile, but you cried to remember how he watched you eat. You now realized he watched you with hunger.

You remembered the letters he always took from the mail piles and threw them in the trash. You didn't know that he later picked them up and stayed up all night to calculate his debts and his earnings only to fall into more stress and yet he'd still smile just the same at you the next day.

He didn't want to call an ambulance because the debt would bring him down to sell his entire being. If he could save even a penny he would.. and yet he still spent his hard earned money on your burger and fries that he ate only one fry out of so you wouldn't be hungry.

He didnt tell anyone but Yoongi and his mother just today. He just didn't want anyone else's help and pity. All this and many other things beat your heart into shattered pieces to not have realized until now. All the love he proved every day right in front of you and all you did was judge and trash him yet he never disagreed with you.

You tried not letting a sound out but your chest hurt so much to hear him so helplessly beg for a way out of everything, still desiring your love and support over every bitter part of life he had been facing on his own. You couldn't picture his loving face and know he was hungry. You didn't want to think he went to bed with piles of stress and an empty stomach. You hated the way you treated him, but you hated yourself over everything. For not having realized and for not having asked whenever he looked down even the slightest bit. And to be told something as harsh as you said was something you knew destroyed the last of him.

"Mom...I'll keep trying. I think I'll ask my friends for financial help for now, but I'll keep looking for a stable job. I'll pay all my debts and I'll tell (y/n) about my struggle after I've grown from that. I'll tell her and I'll apologize, but it won't matter because we'll be more rich than before! All this will be part of the past one day," he said to his mother with a smile on his face. It was incredible how strong Jimin was.

He hung up after a while and his smile faded back into nothing. Feeling empty and alone again and drowning back into the reality that was the worst it could be so far, realizing your words were still just as true. "I hate you," you said earlier and it never failed to make him feel miserable. He looked down, wondering how own feelings. He whispered, "but..I love you.."