Jon Snow & Sansa Stark - Game of Thrones Fanfiction

Colors of the Wind

"Sansa?" Jon was out of his mind. His heart was racing in his chest. His pulse was rushing. His feet were running even though he had no idea where he was going.

He had been an idiot. He had been an absolute idiot and he knew it. He hoped she would listen when he would attempt to explain her what had been going through his mind, why he had screamed all those things at her he shouldn't have said, how pushing her away himself was just so much easier than being terrified of her waking up one day and realizing he wasn't worth her, he wasn't good enough.

"Sansa?" But he had not wanted her to run away.

The air was freezing cold. The trees were bare. Leafs in a million shades of red covered the pavement. The early night fall started to surprise him, even though it was totally normal at this time of the year, with the winter solstice approaching.

She could freeze out there, getting ill because he had screamed at her. She could slip and fall and breaking something because he had screamed at her. She could get lost or even worse: she could be found by some strange man who shouldn't be the one finding her, who would harm her. Because he had screamed at her.

"Sansa?"

Robb had always spoken about love as if it was something blissful and sweet. But love had always been easy for Robb. Robb was handsome. Robb was brave. Robb was noble. Robb was intelligent. Maybe Robb had been a little naive, most certainly in love, but he had gotten plenty of it. And he had given even more of it. And never had Robb doubted whether or not he deserved it. Because Robb did. And Robb knew he did.

But Jon? What did he have to offer? He didn't have a family. He didn't have a fortune in the bank. He wasn't even sure if he'd ever find a job that could pay the rent and the other bills. He wasn't brave. He wasn't noble. He was particularly smart either.

He was impulsive however. Sometimes even reckless. He was too honest for his own good, saying the right things to the wrong people and the wrong things to the right people. He had screamed at Sansa. He had chased her out of the house.

"Sansa!" He yelled again and eventually he fell down on a bench. Drops of rain started to fall down on his dark black curls and his cheeks heated up because of the cold wind blowing in his face. Or maybe they were heating up because of the salted tears that rolled down.

"I didn't mean it, Sansa, please." Jon let out a deep sigh. "Not like that." He shook his head. "I do think we don't go together. I do think you should be dating someone else. I do think you don't belong to me." He buried his face in his hands, but kept on mumbling. "But not because I don't want you or don't love you! I do!" Jon let out a deep sigh. "I love and want you more than anything in the world. And I hate it."

The silence around him was deafening. No footsteps were running towards him. No high pitched voice screamed his name. No arms were wrapped around his neck. No kisses were planted on his cheeks and lips.

"Because you've got the power to destroy me. One day, when you'll realize that I'm just me and you're the most amazing woman on earth you'll destroy me." Jon whispered. "You'll leave me. You'll shatter my heart. You'll break my soul." He paused for a moment. "But you know?" He looked up at the moon, at the stars, at the trees, freed from their weight, waving in the wind. "I'll let you!" He started yelling now. "Because those few moments, those few kisses, those nights...." He licked his lips. "It's all worth it."

A warm hand rested on his back. Her hip touched his. He didn't know how long she sat there already. Strangely enough he had not seen or felt her coming. But at least he had thrown the truth out and it seemed that she had heard it.

"Jon Snow..." Sansa pressed the palm of her hand to his cheek and turned his face so he was forced to look at her. "How many times do I need to kiss you to prove that I'm not going anywhere? How often do I need to hold you tightly until the sun rises in the morning to show that I'm here to stay? Which I love you do you think was a lie?"

Jon stretched out his hand and reached for a strand of bright red hair, twirling it between his fingers and looking at it as if it was the prettiest thing he had had ever seen. "More often than is possible." Jon tried to avoid her glance, but he was failing hopelessly. "I'm not good enough, Sansa. I've never been and I'll never be."

"Jon!" Sansa raised her voice and cupped his face before she pressed her lips firmly on his. "You're better than good enough! You've always been and you'll always be! I don't know who made you believe you're less than anyone else, and if I'll ever see or meet them they won't survive to tell you again, but they were wrong." She paused for a moment and one of her hands went through his hair. "I know that if any other girl would have gotten your love, I'd be jealous. You're emphatic and kind. You're understanding. You prefer peace over war. You want to save lives instead of destroying them" She shook her head. "You don't see yourself as a knight in shining armor or a prince on a white horse." She cocked her head. "Because you are neither of those."

Jon held his breath, longer than he had ever thought himself capable of.

"You are the king of my kingdom, my love and my heart. I want you to rule all three of them." She kissed him again and again and again and eventually Jon wrapped his arms around her and pressed her tighter to his chest.

"Only if you'll be the queen ruling over my court, soul and life."

Sansa pulled back and smiled. "With pleasure, Jon Snow." She leaned towards him and her lips almost touched his ear while she whispered. "Good luck with coming up with a better speech than the one I just gave you when you ask me to marry you."

Jon's cheeks heated up. And this time not because of the cold or his salted tears.