Time after Time

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Jon's suitcase laid open on his bed. He didn't bother to fold his clothes when he put them in it. He didn't bother to protect his books when he threw them on top. He just had to get away from here. He had to get away from here now and it didn't matter where he would go. As long as he would go far away from her she would be fine. If he would go far away from her he wouldn't end up kissing her. And if he wouldn't end up kissing her, she wouldn't die.

"Really, Jon?" Sansa raised her eyebrows when he carried the heavy suitcase down the stairs. "Am I so repulsive that you just pack your bags and leave?"

She wasn't. She truly wasn't. She was the most beautiful woman on earth. She was the kindest soul he had ever met. She was everything he wanted and even more.

He wanted her. He needed her. He longed for her. But he couldn't tell her that. He barely knew her.

She had just walked through that door yesterday as the new nanny of the Tarly children. She had worn the smile on her face he had fallen in love with so many lifetimes ago. She had carried a certain confidence in this life that suited her. And she had also been bolder than she used to be, as if a fire within her had driven her straight into his arms.

But it wasn't a fire. It wasn't desire. It wasn't a burning passion. It was a curse.

They would fall in love. They would kiss and then he would live on while she would die in his arms.

But not anymore. Not this time. Not in this life.

In this life Sansa would live long, very long. She would fall in love with someone else. She would kiss him without dying. She would make love to him. She would become a mother and then eventually she would die of old age.

He owed her that. He owed her one life without him. He owed her one life that lasted longer than the few years she usually got. He owed her one life where she would not meet disaster when she believed to have found her happily ever after.

"You can at least talk to me!" She raised her voice and clenched her hands to fists.

"I've got a new job, Sansa. That's all. It's nothing personal." He shrugged and headed for the front door, but Sansa jumped in between him and the way out.

"You have?" She crossed her arms over her chest. "And when did you apply for it? Why didn't you tell me yesterday, when you introduced yourself as the head of the household? When didn't you tell me last night, when we walked through the garden and had a conversation that made me believe that maybe there could grow more between us?"

Jon swallowed. "We barely know each other, Sansa. I'm not gonna share such things with a stranger." He wanted to walk past her, but Sansa once more blocked his path.

"We didn't talk like strangers do. You didn't behave like a stranger does." She lifted her chin and straightened her back.

Jon placed his suitcase on the stone cold floor. "Why does it matter, Sansa? You are the new nanny here, I have a new job." He sounded harsh, way harsher than he liked to be, but it was for her own good. This was the only way to give her a life, a long life, a happy life, a life without him. "We had some nice talks yesterday and it was great to get to know you, but now I move on."

"I don't believe you." Sansa hissed between her teeth. "You would have said something when you introduced yourself to me."

Jon shook his head. "You don't know me. How do you know what I'd do?"

"I just know this is not like you!" She screamed now and Jon firmly grabbed her wrists.

"You're waking up the kids and the entire house." He whispered.

"Don't you want to say goodbye to them? Or didn't you tell them either that you were leaving?" Sansa cocked her head and she locked her glance with his.

For once he really wanted to do the right thing instead of the selfish thing.

And now she chose this moment to be difficult. "The truth, Jon Snow." Her nose was dangerously close to his. "Why do I feel like I know you? And why do you leave like a thief in the night just after I've arrived and we've had this amazing evening?"

Jon swallowed. He was out of lies and out of excuses. And he was afraid that even if he managed to come up with one, she still wouldn't believe him. "Because you'll die when I kiss you." He blurted the words out and reluctantly he stared at Sansa's face.

Her eyes widened. Her jaw dropped. She opened her mouth to say something, but closed it again, most likely because the right words simply didn't want to come.

"We're cursed. We meet life after life after life. And every time we kiss you die." His heart almost broke through his ribcage and he could hear the blood rushing through his own veins. "And I don't want that anymore. I don't want to kill you. Not this time."

She still stared at him without saying a word and then she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips on his.

Jon froze. He tensed all his muscles and tried to push her away.

But Sansa didn't let him. She kept her lips firmly on his and he felt his resistance falter.

His hands slid around her waist and he closed his eyes while he opened his mouth to let her tongue in. And he waited. He waited and waited and waited, until she would stop moving, would stop breathing, would stop living.

But she didn't. She pressed her entire body to his and for the first time in many many years a genuine smile appeared on his face.

He wasn't sure how long it would last. He wasn't sure how far they could go this time. But he would take whatever he could get. 

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