Case File: L Lawliet • L Lawliet x Reader

Chapter 35 | waiting game

It was now a matter of waiting for B's next move. It was painful, this wasn't the B you knew. What happened... why did he suddenly do such a 180? And what was with the whole dressing as L thing?

B was clearly a damaged soul, something he kept for a long time had finally snapped and pushed him over the edge, it was sad. He was such a nice person before all this, all these days down at the arcade... homework together, hanging at the playground...

You wondered why. Maybe when you caught him you could ask...

It had only been a few days, so it made sense he hadn't struck again. It was horrible that you couldn't do anything until he did strike, as you knew so little about what was going on. You wandered the halls of the orphanage, looking for your overtired lover. After reading over the current information again you decided to try and convince him to get some sleep tonight. L was irritable when overtired and it was best he got sleep on a case this significant. No one wants to deal with grumpy L running in 2 hours of sleep for three days straight.

He worked himself so hard, it worried you sometimes.

You ducked your head into the various rooms trying to find him, but he didn't seem to be anywhere inside. You walked past the window and backtracked when you saw a figure outside. Sure enough it was L, sitting on the swing of the playground on the other side of the fence. Changing your course for the back door, you walked into the courtyard then jumped the fence as usual, heading for the park. You forgot your shoes, but ok well it was only a minutes walk away. You trudged through the sandpit and took the swing next to him. He didn't react, just starred off into space.

"You ok?" You asked.

He snapped back into reality and sighed.

"Y-yeah. Just thinking" he replied.

"About?"

He didn't reply, just continued to stare at the sand below him. You gave him a second to think of the right words, but they never came.

"L?"

To your surprise his breath became shaky, his body starting to tremble and small whimpers escaped his throat. You'd never seen him cry before, but now he was, tears starting to fill his eyes.

"Hey..." you began, getting off the swing and wrapping your arms around him.

He accepted the hug, gripping to your shirt for dear life. His whimpers turned to sobs, the tremble turned to a shake, his tears beginning to soak though your shirt. You'd never seen L cry before so you didn't really know what to expect. While he did have emotions, he was never the best at showing them. Over the years he's learnt to love, but that's about it. So you had no idea he'd be such a messy crier. He couldn't find any words, just tears, violently crying his eyes out. You could tell this was years of built up emotion all exploding at once.

You stayed silent, rubbing his back, gently rocking backs and fourth in an attempt to calm him. But when the crying didn't stop it was clear you had to speak up. 

"Sweetheart, calm down, deep breaths. And tell me what's wrong" you said, a gentle tone in your voice.

"I-I... Uh-" he stammered.

"Shhh... calm down first, breathe honey"

He drew in a deep shaky breath, sniffling and trying to wipe the tears away.

"T-this is all my fault..." he sobbed.

"What is?"

"This case! B, his runway, everything!"

It was obvious he felt guilty about it. B was his successor, he was meant to look out for him. And now he was on a killing spree in LA, miles away from home and definitely lost his sanity.

"No, sweetheart it's not-"

"Yes it is! That letter he left proves it. He wished you well but didn't have words for me, and why would he be dressing as me to kill? Because he has a grudge! I should have been more there for him, I should have looked out for him..." L rambled.

"Listen, honey. It's not your fault. You did talk to him, you were looking out for him. This isn't something we could have stopped. We're all orphans here remember? Lost of us have trauma issues and he probably couldn't handle it anymore. Our childhoods before we came here were rough, they've caused life long problems. Some just have bad coping mechanisms, or submit to their mind or just can't handle it anymore. He's obviously been carrying this anger for a long time and he's taking it out now. In a bad way. It has nothing to do with you" you explained.

"Why would he be DRESSING as me (y/n)? Why? Because I failed him, that's why!"

"Because he wanted to get your attention. Whatever his motive is we can find out when we catch him and ask. But it doesn't have anything to do with you ok? You didn't do anything, yes the program may have been flawed at first but none of us knew better. And it's not your fault or the programs fault. You were looking out for B and A for that matter. They just... submitted to their minds that's all"

He sniffed, choking out a few more sobs as you used your sleeve to dry his tears, giving him a soft look of compassion.

"And you know what... this is good. You need to cry more often, bottling things up isn't a good idea. It's ok to be a crybaby sometimes" you added.

He was still shaky, but began to calm down listening to your voice. It was like therapy to him, he'd always loved your voice.

"I just want to know why... why he did this... why do I feel this way..?" He said.

"I can answer one of those. You feel like this because you're human, I think you forget that sometimes. I know you bottle things up and shy away from people because of what your parents did. I get that you have trust issues, and can't express emotions well. But you're learning to. You learnt how to be a good boyfriend, that's love, that's an emotion. You feel like this because you've kept it in for too long"'

He rested his head against your chest, listening to your heart beat as he calmed down. He knew you were right, but it was hard to admit sometimes. He did need to work on his emotions, and he did need to accept this wasn't his fault but he couldn't help but feel guilty.

"Look, why don't we forget about all this for today? We can go back inside and watch a movie together. I'll make some angel milk and we can cuddle and cry ok?" You suggested.

"Ok..." he managed to get out.

You stayed in that hug for a little longer, enjoying the warms of each others embrace. It seems L was finally getting ahold of the emotion spectrum, and you were here for it. You'd support him though everything.

"I love you" he choked out in a small voice.

"I love you too, let's get inside now ok?" You replied, placing a kiss on his forehead.

He nodded, letting you keep an arm around him as you walked back to the orphanage to watch a movie and cuddle. He felt a little better now that it was out of his system, but still confused. At least he had you, he knew you'd never leave him.