w 1 t n e s s

ten

tyler

I felt on edge. Halle's little disappearing fiasco had worried me. I knew she hadn't told me the whole truth of where she was. Had she been partying? Why else would she not call Emily or I back? It made me realize how much I didn't know about the blonde girl. I was starting to regret rushing into things so fast with her. I should've waited. I barely knew her. Why had I been so eager to get into a relationship? Could I end it this quick? It didn't feel right. Maybe once we knew each other better.

I liked Halle. A lot. But we were basically two strangers. For someone who claimed they were careful with relationships, I was sure being reckless. I'd lied to her about not having girlfriends in high school. She didn't need to know about that, though. She didn't need to know anything about my home life. Not yet, anyway. I wanted to trust her wholly and completely before I admitted anything about my past. Not that I didn't trust her now. It was just I hadn't known her long enough to entrust my entire mess of a life on her.

I felt terrible for having second thoughts about this. Was I ridiculous for even thinking that we could possibly last over such a long distance? I'd told myself that when and if I were ever to date, I'd want someone close and available for my schedule. Halle wasn't what I had wanted, but the second I'd met her everything had changed. I'd found the perfect girl, but of course things weren't working out the way I wanted them too. I debated talking to her about it over phone. Today would be the best way to do it.

My hand hovered my phone. I was about to be a terrible person. My mouth was dry from nerves. I pressed on her name, pausing before I hit the call button.

"Hey, Ty. Don't worry, I'm home safe now." I let my head drop at the sound of her voice.

"Good. Can we...can we talk?"

"Sure. About what?" Her voice was instantly guarded.

"You're amazing. Like so amazing I don't think I deserve you. And...I want to do this. I really do. It's just...things are so crazy. I don't think...I don't think it's going to work like I wanted it to."

"What? What isn't going to work?" I could hear the note of fear in her voice.

"Us. We rushed and I think we should have thought about this more."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry Halle. I wish—"

"That's fucked up."

"What?"

"You send me clothes and you fly me out and you ask me to be your girlfriend then you tell me out of nowhere that this isn't going to work? I don't understand."

"You're busy...I'm busy. We hardly have time to text, let alone call. It's only going to get crazier."

"You didn't give it time!" Her voice rose in desperation.

"I don't think we should." The words surprised me. The cold tone was harsh. Had they even come out of my mouth?

"Ok, Tyler." She sounded defeated. "But we both like each other. Can we at least stay friends? Nothing committed." I let out a breath of relief. I was going to ask the same thing.

"Of course."

"Good. I'm going to go now. Bye." She didn't give me the chance to respond. After my phone went dark, I let it drop to the counter next to me.