w 1 t n e s s

forty-eight

Hunter was an amazing little bundle of joy that I loved with every fiber of my being. Tyler had to leave the day after we returned from the hospital, much to my dismay. My parents were there, and so were Hannah and Tayler. They helped me out for the first few days, but it wasn't the same as Tyler being there. I didn't get a wink of sleep until he finally returned home.

When Tyler came home from his two games, I relaxed. He came flying into the apartment with his bags, bringing the chill of the fall air. I was seated on the sofa, patting Hunter's small back over my shoulder. I turned at the sound of the door, grinning when I saw Tyler. His smile was even bigger than mine.

"There's my beautiful family. Look at you bud! I think you grew. He totally grew."

"Ty, you've only been gone for four days. I don't think he's grown that much." I shifted Hunter into my arms, cradling him carefully.

"Four days feels more like four weeks." Tyler dropped his bags and held his arms out. I handed the towel to him first, placing it over his shoulder.

"Remember you need to support his head." He started to give a snarky reply, but obviously thought better of it. I secretly thanked him for not putting me further on edge. I was so protective of everyone who held my son and Tyler snapping at me wouldn't have helped. I knew that Tyler was completely aware of how to properly hold an infant, but the overly cautious part of me needed to blurt out little instructions now and again. What if Tyler forgot and Hunter got hurt? It was never going to happen with my fiancé, but I still couldn't push the 'what if's' away.

Watching my two boys interact made all my apprehension dissipate. Tyler took a seat on the couch, ignoring the piles of laundry I'd been in the middle of folding. He held Hunter carefully, looking down at his son with a grin on his face. I took the opportunity of peace to tidy up the growing mess of the apartment. There were bottles that needed to be dried and spit-up towels that needed to be thrown into the washing machine. My own outfit desperately needed attention.

After I'd taken care of the dishes in the sink, I called out to Tyler. I was already on the threshold of the bedroom, counting on his response.

"Are you good with him for a little? I really need a shower."

"Yeah, of course."

"If you need anything just yell." I rubbed my face in an attempt to clear the sleepiness from my eyes. The lack of sleep was finally catching up. One look in the bathroom mirror told me just how worn down I appeared.

My hair was a stringy mess that hadn't been out of a bun in days. I had dark circles under my eyes and my skin looked paler than normal. My T-shirt had mysterious stains on it that I couldn't remember acquiring. I physically cringed at the rough image looking back at me. What had I been expecting? A smooth transition into motherhood that left me looking the same as I had before? Obviously that wasn't the case. Hopefully a shower would clear my head and rejuvenate my senses for a few hours.

I was in the middle of washing my hair when I heard Hunter begin to cry. I immediately froze, trying to figure out if it was his hungry cry, nap cry, or something else. Would Tyler know what to do? Did he know Hunter had just eaten and wouldn't need another bottle? Would be know it was almost nap time? I rushed to rinse my hair of the foamy shampoo, neglecting to shave my legs in the process.

By the time I'd bundled out of the bathroom in only a towel, the cries had stopped. I was still tense, cursing myself for lapsing my attention. When I found Tyler, gently cradling a snoozing Hunter, I relaxed. All my fears collapsed, leaving me strangely exhausted. I leaned heavily against the wall, smiling at the sight. Tyler turned to me slightly, smiling. I could read his expression too well.