𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐓 𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒

it's not my fault *request*

thanks to @Mage_wxggins for request this imagine! really hope you like it!

*DISCLAIMER: i personally have not ever experienced infertility. i don't know much about it, but i do know that so many people struggle with it. i don't want to come across as ignorant or rude, so please take all of this with a grain of salt! i am trying to be as respectful as possible in regards to this topic, and it isn't my intention in the slightest to offend or hurt anyone*

(Your POV)

Timothée holds my hand as we eagerly wait for the results of the pregnancy test. We've been trying for months to get pregnant, but it's been so much harder than I ever could have imagined. Every test comes back negative, and my heart breaks a little more every time.

Not only has the difficulty been having a toll on my health, it's also been straining my relationship with Timothée. We both want kids so bad, it's something we've talked about ever since we met. I feel awful that I can't get pregnant, that I can't give him the child he's always dreamed of.

I think deep down he knows it's not my fault, that I have no control over whether the test comes back positive or not. But he still gets upset. He distances himself and puts up a wall I can't seem to break through. I'm just hoping this time we'll get the news we want so I can get back the loving Timothée married, not the distant one he's become.

"Ready?" Timothée asks, lifting up the pregnancy test.

I take a deep breath and nod. "I can't look. Just tell me what it says," I tell him.

"Okay," Timothée says quietly.

Before he flips the test around, Timothée gives my hand a reassuring squeeze and gives me a small smile. I appreciate that he's trying to calm my nerves, even though I know his are also through the roof.

Slowly he turns over the pregnancy test, reading the results on the stick. He doesn't have to say anything, the disappointed look on his face is enough to tell me it's yet another negative test to add to the collection.

My face falls and I'm unable to stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I reach my arms up to hug Timothée, but he pulls away before I can.

He stands up from his chair, throwing the test down angrily, which causes me to flinch slightly. I wasn't expecting him to get so angry this time. Timothée's hands comb through his hair as he paces back and forth, grumbling something under his breath. He refuses to look at me.

"Timothée, please talk to me," I say through my tears. I need to know what he's thinking. He continues to ignore me, though. It's as if I'm not here.

"Timothée," I say again. No response. "Timothée, please say something, anything. I just want to-"

"What do you want me to say, Y/N?" Timothée snaps angrily. He looks up at me with red eyes and my heart breaks at the sight of his face. "What do you want me to say? That I'm happy? That it's okay? Because it isn't okay."

"Well, I- I wasn't expecting you to say that. But this happens every month. You close yourself off. I just want to know what you're thinking."

"You wanna know what I'm thinking?" Timothée asks, putting his hands on the table and leaning forward towards me. "I'm thinking that at this rate, we'll never have kids. I'm thinking that you'll never get pregnant and we won't have the life we dreamed of."

I know I asked, but Timothee's words still hurt me. This is a shitty situation, I'll admit, but how can he be so cruel about it.

"You never know, Timothée. We just have to have faith that I will get pregnant," I say quietly.

"And if you don't? Then what?"

"There are other options. Surrogacy, adoption. This isn't the only way, Timothée. But you can't just cave in and give up when it doesn't work out how we want it to."

Timothée's face softens a little as he considers what I just said, but then he turns just as rigid as before.

"What if I don't want those options?"

I struggle to find the best way to respond. How can he be so selfish? I understand where he's coming from; I want kids of my own just as much as he does. But this isn't just about him. He's not the one that's going through hell and back physically to make this happen.

"Why does it have to be about what you want?" I ask, nerves settling in my bones as I await his response. A minute passes and he still remains silent, pondering my words, so I continue.

"I get it, Timothée. I want to be pregnant just as much as you. I want a kid too. But you have to understand this isn't my fault. Every month you take this out on me, but I can't control whether or not I get pregnant. Have you ever once stopped to consider how I've felt through this? How much of an emotional toll this has taken on me? I constantly feel like I'm not good enough, like I'm not normal. It's hard feeling like a failure at the one thing you want most in the world. And don't even get me started on the physical pain I've been through. Between the medications, exams, and procedures, I'm exhausted. I'm in pain. But you don't even think to ask me."

Timothée is quiet, his tired eyes searching mine. I can tell he feels bad for yelling at me. I'm not necessarily mad at him, I'm just sad that he wouldn't consider my own feelings too.

"Baby, I am so sorry," Timothée says quietly after a moment. He takes a seat and holds my hands in his. "I'm so sorry that I haven't been a better husband to you during all of this. I know how hard it's been on you, I do. I guess I was just too wrapped up in my own thoughts to ever really ask you how you're feeling. Which is so wrong, and I can't apologize enough for it."

"It's okay," I say. "Just promise me that you won't shut me out anymore. We're in this together, and no matter what happens, we need to be there for each other."

"I promise. I love you so much, Y/N. You're the strongest and bravest woman I know."

"I love you too, Timothée."

Timothée gets out of his seat and kneels beside me, pulling me into a tight hug. His face buries into the crook of my neck and I feel a few stray tears slip from his eyes. I begin to tear up again too, and soon we're a sobbing, tangled mess.

This journey hasn't been easy, and I don't anticipate it getting any easier anytime soon. But now I know I have him by my side. We can get through whatever hardships life throws at us together.

***

thanks to @Mage_wxggins for requesting this imagine! i loved writing it and i hope you liked it!

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have a wonderful day/evening/night!

much love, lyra <3