Rules to Feeling Lonely

Chapter 22

"Are you going to Alexander's tonight?" Michelle asked and I shook my head. How many people are gonna keep asking that? Ever since the text from my dad I'd just not been feeling like it and Michelle didn't seem any better. This whole diner she had been feeling off, but I couldn't quite grasp what it was. She was driving me home since aunty didn't trust me going back on the scooter after a glass of wine. Whatever...

"I'm not really feeling like it. The whole situation with my dad just put me in a sad mood", I explained and she grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze. She knew I went through a hard time when my dad left. Not just because I lost my dad but because I lost my mom for some time as well but that's a story for another time...

"If he bothers you again, you can always stay over", she told me before averting her eyes to the road again.

"It's alright, I just need to be alone to think about this", I answered.

"Are you going?" I asked after and she shook her head as well.

"Nah, not feeling that well", she said and I relaxed a bit.

"You should really see a doctor", I told her and she nodded as we drove up my driveway.

"Take care", I told her before getting out the car.

"I'll call you later", she waved at me before reversing the car and driving off.

I walked up to the front door and went inside, locking it back behind me.

Now I'm alone again, the thoughts of my dad started going crazy again. Why would he contact me? Why now? He never cared before.

I threw off my jacket and shoes and went straight upstairs. Putting on some leggings and an old shirt, I laid down on my bed and opened my dad's message again.

Didn't think I'd spent new year's eve like this...

Sophia p.o.v.

"Can you loose the grumpy face, it's new years eve for fucks sake", Sarah reminded me as I downed another drink.

"It's just sad Ella didn't want to come", I muttered.

"You know she's not feeling it with the shit with her dad", she told me, the both of us looking sad while talking about it. Ella doesn't show it easily when she's hurt and rather hides it so when she does show it, it's truly heartbreaking.

"I know. Doesn't mean I won't be sulky about it", I told her and stood up from my seat, pulling down my skirt that had slightly risen up.

"I'm getting myself another drink"

"Bring me one?" Sarah asked and I gave her a nod before turning around.

This party really feels off without Ella. I think I've just gotten too used to her being everywhere I go...

I made my way over to the kitchen and saw a few beers standing on the counter. Hope those weren't from someone cause I'm taking em.

"Can I have one?" Oh lord, protect me...

I ignored him, not even sparing him a look. Knew damn well who it was and he can get the beer himself. Asshole...

"Alright, can you stop ignoring me?" Nope.

"Sophia", Oliver caged me against the counter, making my eyes cast down instantly. Once I'd look at those eyes, I know I'd give in instantly.

"Can you back off?" I told him, hoping he'd listen. It's things like this that really shatters my heart completely. He's good at making you feel special and the next moment it's as if you're not even there.

"Is that what you want?" he asked softly and I finally looked up. I'm done with his shit. So done.

I pushed him away and rapidly started making my way upstairs to a place I'd know nobody comes. I pushed open the doors of the library and could scream at the fact that I heard his footsteps behind me.

"Oliver, I really need to be alone for a second", I practically begged him as he looked at me caringly. The type of look that would made you think you're the most important person to him but reality is a bitch, isn't she?

"I don't want to leave you alone", he spoke softly and he approached me again.

He gently pushed me up against the door and ran his dumb softly over my bottom lip. Push him away

He looked back up in my eyes and I couldn't help my eyes from flickering to his lips. Push away

He slowly leaned in and I immediately kissed him back as a few tears instantly streamed down my face. Not because it's not what I want but because it's exactly what I want but can't have. The second this moment ends, he'll go down and find another female to get cosy with. It's how it always goes... My heart keeps getting hurt yet it keeps craving him.

He pulled back and looked slightly worried when he saw the tears on my face "Why are you crying?" I pushed myself out of his arms and angrily looked him.

"You are so stupid", I yelled at him, agitated as fuck. He stayed quiet, knowing damn well I've got a lot more to say. He knows me so damn well yet can't seem to see my true feelings.

"You know, sometimes I really think you enjoy hurting me" His eyes turned wide at that.

"What? Why would you say that?" he asked, looking like I had just beat up his puppy.

"With my stupid big fat crush on you", I huffed and I felt him slightly panic.

"I'm sorry, if I had known that it bothered you s-"

"It doesn't bother me that you say it, it bothers me that you don't realise it's true", I interrupted him.

"What?" he asked, looking at me like I just grew another pair of arms. How clueless can you be...

"I am in love with you, you idiot", I croaked out as more frustrated tears trickled down my cheeks.

"But it doesn't matter because you're in love with Ella, aren't you?" I continued hoping he doesn't give me the answer I think he will.

"Yes, I'm in love with Ella"