Rules to Feeling Lonely

Chapter 49

The last couple of days had been hell, literal hell. It was Friday and I hadn't left the house once since I ran out of school on Monday. Mom didn't really notice since she was just home on Monday and then left for another business trip. That was nothing new.

Crying, sleeping, cursing. I had done it all these last couple of days.

He hadn't sent a singly text or made a call and to me that made it so much worse. I understood that that was how it had to go but that didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Just like all the other days I had been laying in bed when the doorbell had went. At first I ignored it but when it kept sounding I had made my way down to find the girls on my doorstep. Sarah had a stern look on her face, Rachel and Ashley looked sad as they smiled at me and Sophia didn't even look me in the eye as they made their way inside. We were all sitting in pure silence in my living room and to say it was awkward was putting it lightly.

"Alright, for the sake of peace and this friendship. Please talk to each other", Sarah said irritated and Sophia finally looked up at me.

"It wasn't me Sophia, I would never to that", I told her and she softly nodded her head "I know"

I knew from the beginning that that wasn't the problem. It was the situation with Oliver that had her acting cold. I could understand that...

"There's also nothing going on between Oliver and I", I said and she looked at me, waiting for me to continue.

"There have been things happening and I don't really feel that comfortable sharing it yet but Oliver found out and he's just been helping me out", I said and sighed. I wasn't going to lie so I guess that was the closest to the truth I could get. Even though I trusted all these girls with my life, I wasn't going to risk it. Not until I'm sure who the insider is.

"I don't see Oliver other than a good friend and that's the same for him, I promise", I told her, my eyes begging her to believe me.

"I believe you", she said quietly and I couldn't help but still feel awkward. I could understand that, she thought I was going behind her back with her boyfriend.

Sarah cleared her throat and I quickly turned her way "Now, for my question"

She crossed her legs and gave me a stern look and I already knew where this was going to go.

"Why the hell did you break up with him Ella?" There it was... Now I didn't have another choice but to lie.

"I just didn't feel good with him anymore and I just thought it was best for me to end this, that we'd be better off like this", I felt horrible even saying these words and the disbelieve in the eyes of the girls told me they felt absolutely the same.

"Better off? So that's why you look like wreck", Sarah spoke angrily and I diverted my gaze down. I could understand. She was my friend but she saw Daniel as her brother and I had hurt him...

"Is he alright?" I asked quietly and I heard her huff before she went off "Of course he isn't, he looks like shit. He even refuses to talk about it"

In the corner of my eye I saw Ashley giving Sarah a nudge and she exhaled deeply, calming herself. I deserved this though...

"He hates me, doesn't he?" I asked quietly and looked back up at Sarah as her gaze slightly softened.

"Of course he doesn't", Rachel instantly answered before Sarah spoke "He loves you, you idiot"

A lone tear escaped my eye and I harshly put my bottom lip between my teeth. God, why does it hurt to hear that...

"You love him too, don't you", she asked and even though I stayed quiet, I knew she had seen the answer in my eyes as she sadly smiled at me. I did, I fucking loved him.

"I don't know what's going on Ella but you know you can talk to us, right?" Rachel put her hand reassuringly on my shoulder and I gave her a small smile, nodding my head.

"We've got your back, no matter what", Ashley added and it made me feel happy yet sad. Happy because I couldn't even begin to describe how happy I was to have them. Sad because I had to lie to them, because I couldn't tell them.

"Alright, why don't we just have a girls night?", Ashley clasped her hands together, earning our attention. I was totally down for that, had been crying for too long anyway.

"I'm totally down with that but Sarah has plans", Rachel wiggled her brows as she looked at Sarah.

"And I can totally cancel them. I've got my priorities straight, don't worry", she spoke back and I looked at her confused "Plans?"

"Yeah, she was going out with the guy from the party the other week because Matthew had specifically told her not to", Rachel added and Sarah rolled her eyes.

"Like I said, I know my priorities", Sarah winked at me and I already felt ten times better knowing she wasn't really mad at me anymore.

"Alright so what are we doing for food?", Rachel asked as I grabbed for my phone as it went of in my pocket. My expression quickly stiffened as I read the message.

-We're going out for dinner tomorrow, be ready at 7- unknown

Unbelievable... He was always controlling, that apparently didn't change. I just can't believe how he managed to work his way back in to my life and trap me on the exact same spot as before.

"Who's that?" Ashley asked, probably noticing my expression and I quickly put on a smile.

"Oh, it's just my dad", I lied and quickly pushed my phone back in my pocket. Hope that won't raise any suspicions.

"I thought things were going better between you and your dad", Sarah raised a brow and I nodded "We're okay, we kind of settled on having weekly dinner but it's still a little weird at times"

"Understandable", Ashley said before she got up from the couch and rubbed her hands together "So what are we eating?"

"We could order something?" Rachel got up as well and grabbed her phone already searching up something on her phone as most of us agreed.

"Sophia, why don't you go help Ella with the plates", Sarah proposed and I mentally thanked her. It had been obvious Sophia was still upset, she hadn't said a single word unless someone had asked her something. Sophia gave her a nod and stood up from her seat, me silently following after her to the kitchen.

The silence in the kitchen was even worse and I just couldn't handle it anymore. I had already lost Daniel, I wasn't ready to lose Sophia too.

She was busy grabbing plates from the cabinet and I took a big breath.

"How's your family" I asked softly and she slowly put the plates down on the table, a neutral expression on her face.

"Mom is filing a divorce", she spoke with absolutely no emotion in her voice. She looked up and sighed before she gave me a light smile "We'll be alright, I think it's for the best anyway"

And to think this is all because off me. Their family is splitting up because of me...

"I'm so sorry, Sophia", I whimpered out, as tears slowly trickled down my cheeks "I hate that someone did this to you"

The expression on her face got quickly replaced by one similar to mine as her bottom lip softly trembled.

"Stop, you're making me cry", she said and we both stepped closer, throwing each other in a hug and I couldn't be more relieved. At least I didn't lose my friends. Not yet at least...

"I'm just sorry, you're my best friend and I never wanted something like this to happen to you"

My arms tightened around her and I could already feel my shoulder getting wet from her tears.

"I'm okay, I've got you guys and that's all I need", she spoke between her sobs and I cried even harder as she continued "Just know we've got you as well"