The Story of Regulus Black - Years 1-4

LXVII. The Funeral of Chester Ackland

CW: this chapter is very, very intense. it discusses very heavy subjects such as death, briefly mentioned suicidal thoughts, child abuse, substance abuse, and overdose. please, please read at your own risk. if you do not feel comfortable reading this chapter, skip it. read the next chapter when it is posted. your mental well-being is much, much more important than missing one chapter of a fan fic!!

It was the Killing Curse that had killed Chester Ackland. That's all it was.

A quick Reducto to the door, a moment of panic, a flash of green light, the brief feeling of being pulled underwater, and then nothing. An endless nothingness that Chester Ackland had been pulled into before he could even comprehend his fate. It was painless, it was quick, it was easy.

Deacon Ackland was a child who had pondered death from a very young age. What would it feel like? Would it be painful? Would he feel anything at all?

Deacon had grown up in a bad neighborhood - it seemed that, to him, death could be waiting around every corner. Perhaps he would get shot. Stabbed. Strangled. Maybe he would get kidnapped, and they would kill him some other way. He would go swimming and drown, perhaps. Maybe, one day, he would make his parents too angry, and they would accidentally go too far.

Deacon did not fear the prospect of death itself. For, Deacon was a person who found comfort in the idea of a permanent end. What he feared was the feeling.

He didn't want to experience a painful death - it was his biggest fear. He had thought of what it would feel like to be stabbed, or to be suffocated, or to drown, and he was terrified of it. More than anything, Deacon Ackland did not want to have a painful death.

The Killing Curse seemed like the perfect way to go, in his opinion. It was brief, it was painless, and it pulled the victim into whatever came after death with ease. In fact, Deacon had found that he even preferred this to the idea of dying of old age. Of course, he wanted to grow old, but he didn't want to feel the organs inside of his body slowly shutting down - feel them stop working.

Deacon Ackland did not want to feel himself die.

So, when he learned that it was the Killing Curse that had killed his father, he felt a bit of comfort in it. At least his father hadn't suffered.

When McGonagall had pulled Deacon from the Great Hall and told him what had happened, he didn't believe her. His father couldn't be dead! That was absurd! His father was fine!

But it was the expression on her face - the sullen tone of her voice. He knew.

And Deacon Ackland felt an unexpected amount of grief washing over him. He had never given much thought to how he would react if either of his parents died. Sure, he would be sad. But his parents were bad people. They were really, really bad people. So, in theory, Deacon wouldn't be very sad, right?

However, in practice, Deacon felt like he had just been pulled underwater - like he was drowning in a pool of grief and guilt. He cried, and he cried, and he ignored the odd behavior of Regulus Black, and he cried some more.

Deacon didn't know what he had done to deserve this. First, Francesco had absolutely shattered Deacon Ackland's heart. Deacon could still feel the pain of it in his chest whenever he thought of the other boy. He became near to tears at the mere thought of the interaction that had occurred between the two.

And now this? The loss of Deacon's father - a man who had nothing to do with the wizarding world aside from his son? It didn't make any sense! It was cruel! The world was being so, so cruel to Deacon Ackland, and he didn't know what he had done to deserve it.