The Story of Regulus Black - Years 1-4

CII. Je T'aime

Chapter Notes: i'm using google translate for some of the French dialogue, so if any of it is wrong, i apologize!! this is also the longest chapter i've posted yet (and probably the last very long chapter for a while), so enjoy!!
CW: mention of suicidal thoughts

By the time the two boys finished their tea, Regulus's hair had dried and they were both quite tired. Christian took the empty teacups down to the kitchen, and Regulus was left alone in the bedroom with a small lamp on the bedside table as his only light.

He looked around the room, looking for something interesting - as though it had magically sprouted up. When he couldn't find anything that proved as an interesting distraction, he groaned and laid his head back against the headboard. He closed his eyes, expecting to be ambushed by the negativity that he was used to sneaking up on him.

However, to his surprise, none came. No thoughts of offing himself, or of pushing someone else to do the act for him. Instead, his head was full of echoes - echoes of the words that the Dark Lord had said to Regulus.

Regulus was supposed to get his Dark Mark over the summer. Of course, he wasn't anymore, which Regulus was supremely grateful for. However, that did not change the fact that the Dark Lord had been intending to give Regulus his Dark Mark at a young age. Did that mean that Regulus would be within the few "lucky souls" who got picked by the Dark Lord to get their marks at sixteen? Would Regulus be forced to become a Death Eater at such a young age?

The prospect of it was terrifying. But it wasn't supposed to be terrifying, he was supposed to be thrilled. Regulus was going to become an official follower of the Dark Lord's before anyone else! Well, at the same time, now. However, it should still be exciting nonetheless. He was doing what his parents wanted him to - what they had always wanted Regulus and Sirius to do. And now, just Regulus.

But there was something in the back of Regulus's mind - something telling him that it was bad. That it was all bad, and it was all wrong, and that he wasn't supposed to do it. But then there was the other part of his brain telling him that he needed to do it. And Regulus experienced a mental battle with himself for the first time in months - one that made him groan out loud and bury his face into his hands.

"Are you alright?" Christian's worried voice sounded from the door, and Regulus looked up.

Christian was already halfway back to the bed by the time Regulus's eyes landed on him, and Regulus gave him a faint smile as all of his thoughts were directed to the boy in front of him. "Yeah, fine."

"Are you sure?" Christian asked warily, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking Regulus over (he didn't know why he kept doing this; it wasn't like he would be able to visually see anything wrong with him).

Regulus's smile widened a bit, all of his negative thoughts banished to the back of his mind for the time being. "Positive."

Christian smiled. "Good." He let out a deep yawn right after the word had left his mouth, and when he looked back at Regulus through a thin layer of tears brought on by the yawn, Regulus could see the exhaustion clear in them. "Would you like to stay here tonight? If not, I can walk you home," Christian asked.

Regulus thought this over for a moment. He did not want to see his parents - not now. Regulus had come to the realization that his parents were probably only being so nice to him because he was going to be receiving his Dark Mark so young. And now, here he was - messing it all up, getting punished by the Dark Lord, and then disappearing. His parents would use the Cruciatus on him the second he walked through the front door of Number 12, and he knew that they would not go far enough to push him over the brink of insanity. So really, it would be unnecessary pain that he had the option of preventing.