The Story of Regulus Black - Years 1-4

XCVIII. Get Out of My Head

CW: brief homophobia

Davey Gudgeon was, in fact, not dead.

He had lost an eye, broken his nose, fractured his skull, and knocked a few teeth out. But he was alive.

Regulus Black received a few interesting letters during the weeks leading up to holiday break. The first few of these were all from Christian, all detailing a last-minute Christmas trip to the U.K. where Christian and his family would be staying with Benjamin's family.

In all honesty, Regulus didn't want Christian to see him in the state that he was in. He wondered briefly if he should just ignore Christian when he came. After all, there was no way for him to get to Regulus if Regulus did not want him to. He could just hide under the Fidelius Charm on Number 12 and boom, he was almost completely hidden from the world.

But, that would be unfair and childish. So, he made it a point to force himself to do normal activities. After all, if Christian was to be staying with Benjamin's family, then he was bound to ask Benjamin at some point about how he thought Regulus was doing. So, Regulus picked up the hang-out sessions that had been temporarily stopped with the boys. He started attending Quidditch practice a bit more regularly (he would still skiv off practices sometimes, earning him very thorough and heated shouting matches with Wyatt Pearce). He was copying his homework from Barty more regularly so that he could bring up his grades.

He did everything that he had done before he was plunged back into whatever was going on with him.

However, he found so much less enjoyment in it all. He was short with all of the Gryffindor boys and often snapped at them without thinking. He didn't enjoy playing Quidditch anymore - now, it felt more like a chore than a fun side activity to take his mind off of things. School just became such a taxing activity. Getting out of bed, showering, brushing his teeth, getting dressed - it all got progressively more difficult as the weeks passed.

But, he wasn't about to let that show. Not when he would be needing to put on this act for Christian over Christmas break, anyways. Yes, if this was to work, he would need to be sure to practice the act for the time leading up to the final show. So, that's exactly what he continued to do - no matter how hard it was.

The morning before the students' departure for Christmas break, Regulus was eating his breakfast alone at the Slytherin table. He had been avoiding Barty quite a bit during the past few weeks. It wasn't that Regulus was still embarrassed about what had happened, it was just that he felt bad.

Merlin, Regulus felt very, very bad about it. After all, Barty's mum was the one that was dying! If anyone should be comforting anyone, it should have been Regulus comforting Barty! How, in the name of Merlin, could Regulus be so down, and Barty just be so fine?

Well, Barty wasn't completely fine by any means. But, as far as Regulus could tell, he was a lot better than Regulus was. But, how was that possible? How could Regulus feel so awful all of the time, and Barty be better than him? Barty was going through so much more than Regulus, so how did it make any sense at all?

It didn't. And it made Regulus realize just how invalid his feelings were. And every time he was around Barty, he could feel the guilt eating away at him.

This breakfast was when he received the other letter that acted as a very big interest and a very welcomed distraction.

Regulus,
What would you like for dinner when you come home? I think it would be nice to have dinner together - as a family. Your father agrees.
Hope you're well.

Mum

Regulus was so shocked that his jaw nearly dropped. Why was his mother asking him what he wanted for dinner? Why did she want to have a family dinner with him? Regulus couldn't remember the last time that he had had a family dinner - not even when he came back from his first year at Hogwarts. Why now?