His to Serve

Chapter Twenty-Six - Broken

It had been a few days since Brand had left me in my room, and every day had been the same. He had returned a day or so ago, but hadn't even dared trying to see me. After the last words I said to him, I wouldn't want to see me either, no matter the context.

Evelyn woke me up early to train and I spent my afternoons in the library with Hyde. I felt as if life was not real, as if this was just a cruel joke my mind was playing on me, and I swore to the gods that if another maid offered me another cup of calming tea, I was going to throw them out of my window.

I sighed as I lifted my bow aiming at the target. "He's being completely ridiculous Evelyn, I can't even breathe alone anymore." I grumbled as Evelyn smiled at me, "I had to have a fucking piss earlier with Hyde on the other side of the door, I mean what the actual fuck?' I said as I let another arrow fly, completely missing the target as Evelyn looked at me in concern.

I threw the bow to the side as I sat down on the floor, my head in my hands as I sighed, I had nothing left to give. I was completely failing any task Evelyn set me and nothing that Hyde was teaching me had stuck,I was still on the fucking world map.

"Come on now Lillian, his own brother who lets not forget, murdered his parents before his very eyes, has essentially risen from the dead after a hundred years. No one has heard a peep out of him since the event and then he suddenly then enters your dream, kisses you and says he wants you for his own. I mean it's just natural that he wants to protect you. Whilst I don't agree with his methods, I partially understand where he is coming from" she said, shooting me a small smile as I rolled my eyes.

As I turned my head I looked up to the balcony and a small smile flitted across my lips, remembering how not too long ago I threw a knife at Brands head trying to escape, surprisingly that was when life wasn't so restricting or messy.

I sighed as I picked up a nearby cup, drinking some water, "But I'm suffocating Evelyn. I can't take this much more, it's not as if anyone can stop him from entering my dreams and Brand has me training and learning every day until I'm too tired to function. He has tripled defences and I feel as if I'm caged, his prisoner once again. I feel as if I have just constantly been locked up my entire life" I said dully, waving my hand motioning to the nearby guards as Evelyn watched me carefully.

Evelyn frowned at me as she looked me up and down, "Go and get some rest Lillian, I will say I took you out riding. Go have some alone time and please eat something, you look thin and unwell. Don't make me have to come up there and feed you myself" she said seriously as I let out a sigh of relief,

"Thanks, and i'll try" I said dismissively as I heard her groan at my less than enthusiastic response as I walked away hanging my head, another headache began brewing as I sighed rubbing my temples, she was right. I looked fucking awful, I wasn't eating much, and sleep wasn't the joy it used to be with Brand's new protective laws, i may as well have the guards sleeping in bed with me.

I ran my hand through my hair as I walked up the stairs, enjoying the first small piece of quiet alone time in days. I knew he was just doing it to protect me, but I felt as if he was just squeezing the life out of me, I felt suffocated in this place.

As I reached my room I changed into a baggy t-shirt and collapsed onto the bed, I hadn't seen Brand in days. They all just seemed to blend into each other now, and I didn't know what was going on or what day it was. I kind of understood why Brand had done what he did, but I felt I was being punished for something I didn't do, and I was suffering the consequences of his actions.

That was why Evelyn and Hyde hadn't said anything about how I looked or was acting, if he knew we all understood he would freak out even more, and gods above only know what else that would mean for me. I was not myself and everyone knew it all but him, my own mate.

He was trying to protect me so much he was killing me.

I couldn't take it, I didn't want to admit it, but for some reason I really missed him. Without him around it felt as if the air was too thick to breathe, as if I was missing something so important that I couldn't live.

I even missed it when we were arguing, at least we interacted. Now there was nothing, I couldn't understand how he stayed away from me, I couldn't seem to get fucking rid of him before.

My heart ached as I thought about him and I rolled over onto my side, curling up into a small ball. As I did I felt a small tear roll down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away. I had never felt so alone but so surrounded, I was living in my own personal version of hell.

I needed him, and I was now realising that as my health and mental wellbeing went to shit, this wasn't good for me, and being constantly around Hyde and Bethany killed me even more.

I was over the moon for her, of course, and I was so glad she had someone to love her unconditionally, but I envied her more than anything. Hyde barely left her side and treated her as if she was the only person in the world, and I just wanted that. Was that too much to ask for?

As more tears rolled down I felt myself slowly drift off into sleep, and as I did I felt myself land on the floor, the room around me slowly lighting up as I slowly lifted my head to see Damien sat in the middle of the room. I sighed deeply as I stood up, running my hand through my hair,

"What do you want now?" I said quietly as he frowned, leaning forwards and looking at me, his eyes running up and down as I saw a small flicker of something appear on his face before it disappeared. "What the fuck is wrong with you" he said as I laughed humourlessly before slowly flicking my wrist, manipulating the environment to produce a bottle of whiskey,

"Want some?" I offered him as his frown grew and he shook his head, "Lillian you look fucking awful, what is Brand doing to you?" he said as I took big gulps from the bottle, "And you look like a fucking ray of sunshine too, thanks" I said mockingly spat back as he narrowed his eyebrow, "I don't want to talk about it" I said as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, the alcohol burning down my throat as I sighed.

Damien stalked up to me grabbing my hand with the bottle in as he looked me in my eyes, "You look fucking lifeless, it's slightly haunting. You are no good to anyone in this state. Now tell me what is he doing to you? He's meant to be your mate for god's sake, and you look like this! He's meant to be taking care of you" he said loudly as I chuckled grabbing the bottle from him as I took another sip, "Try not to sound too sympathetic, might ruin your evil brother vibe" I said as I put the bottle down,

"I blame you, asshole. This is all your fault." I said as he whirled around clearly confused, "Well since he knows you're out and about, he wants to find you and apparently keep me safe. But by doing that I haven't seen him in days, and I'm being constantly suffocated by guards and training, an attempt to protect me I assume" I said dully as Damien stood there still, watching me carefully.

I wiped a tear that escaped as I lifted the bottle again, "So a big fucking cheers to that, thank you" I said sarcastically as I took another drink, Damien rubbed his face as he shook his head,

"Lillian, I." He said before stopping himself and clenching his jaw, "Good Gods pick yourself together and start fucking eating please. You look like a dirty bag of bones. If you want something, go and get it done yourself. Why on earth are you waiting for him to come around? Do you know who you are? Honestly I expected better from you, not this pathetic simpering mess. What a Queen you will be" he spat as I growled throwing the bottle at his head as he ducked easily, the glass smashing behind him,

He chuckled as he looked at me folding his arms, "Now there's the spark I recognise. I will be seeing you soon" he said firmly as he walked up to me, lifting my head with his hand, tingles rushing through my body as I lifted my gaze to meet his,

"Snap the fuck out of your little pity party and go get some shit done" he said to me as he turned it all fading back into black. I slowly opened my eyes as I rose from the bed, it was now dark outside, the moonlight shining into the room.

I must have passed out for ages, I sighed as I realised I was alone and I walked to the bathroom. As I sat under the shower I hung my head, letting the water wash away my tears.

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