Don't Reid Into It (Spencer Reid x Y/N)

Two

Reid's PoV

These past couple of days have been an absolute rollercoaster, actually that is inaccurate, it would be more appropriate to say that it has been like a stairwell.

At the start of this week, I took the first step up when I tried to not let myself being as interested in Y/n so that my feelings for her would go away or at least die down. I didn't want to do it but it felt as if I should so I took the step.

Then I got the phone call, that was as if every step I took someone pushed me 3 steps back. And as soon as I caught my breathe I remembered how selfish I was towards Y/n and it was back to square one.

I was exhausted.

So I caved, I crawled my way back to Y/n, to nobodies surprise at all. And after last night it was like I finally found the lift.

Of course nothing I felt has disappeared however talking to Y/n helped, although the guilt of making her share the weight of my problems had started to sink in.

I wanted her to know that I could also be anything she needed me to be and I would gladly shift the burden of her problems from her shoulders to mine.

Things were less tense from this morning, first I really fooled myself into thinking that I was going to kiss Y/n finally but she suddenly ran off, I'm not sure if I did something or if that's just not what she wanted us to be - it can be so aggravating not being able to understand people's emotions.

And then I had yet another breakdown in front of her which was rather embarrassing, I suddenly began telling her things I don't think I've ever really accepted myself. Yet it felt as easy as breathing, being that honest with her. Of course after I felt like burying myself 6 feet under but Y/n just held me tightly.

After that we watched a film and now Y/n is reading her book that she got recently out loud.

'Essays in Love'

Not what I would usually read, but I was completely mesmerised by it.

We both leant at the opposite arms of the couch, legs stretched out so that we took up the whole of the 4 person seat. I couldn't draw my eyes off of Y/n as she softly spoke the words of a burning romance, her hair waving ever so slightly due to the light breeze that came from the open window, today was unseasonably warm.

I watched as she turned each page, her eyes darting lightly up and down each page. I found myself fiddling with the soft material at the cuff of y/n sweatpants.

"Y/n", I say quietly once she reached the end of the chapter.

"Oh sorry, do you want me to stop", she says quickly slotting in the book mark and placing the book on her lap.

"No it um it wasn't that", I nervously tuck my hair behind my ear. "Forgive me for intruding but earlier you said that you understood"

"Understood what?"

"What it felt like to have someone slip away from you", I tell her. My mind has been going over our conversation from earlier because the things she told me, stuck.

She sucked in a small breathe and took a moment before answering, "Oh it's nothing for you to worry about".

"Well let it be something for me to worry about, I want to be here for any of your problems, for you"

"It's fine I promise, I'm not even worried about it-it's the past", she says and May jumps up onto the sofa and cradles into her lap causing Y/n to smile.

"Okay, you don't need to tell me anything but to be in someone's future you've got to understand their past."

"God you have to be so wise don't you", she laughs lightly. "Well I'm not going to try and sugar coat it; my mum died of cancer, my dad is an alcoholic and I don't keep in contact with him or my brother"

"Oh", was all I seem to come out with and I mentally face palmed myself. Y/n knew exactly what to do in these situations, she was perfect and all I had to say was oh

"Like I said Spence it's nothing to worry about, I've come to terms with what it is, I just brought it up to let you know your not alone", she tells me.

"I'm sorry, if I'd had known then I wouldn't complained about my mother still being...alive".

Great thinking Spencer, bringing up that her mum is dead, that will make her feel better

"Honestly, there is no need to worry about me", she shuffled up the couch so that's we are closer. I wanted to believe her but I know whenever I said that I was fine it was 94.3% chance I lying.

"Okay", I bring my hand to lip and begin to fiddle with it as I think. I had so many questions I wanted to ask but I knew they were intrusive and weren't right for this situation so I pushed them down and decided whatever she wanted to tell me was all that I got to know.

"Spence, what can I say for you to forget that I even told you?"

"Nothing, I have an eidetic memory", I smile slightly.

"Ugh, your stupid brain", she throws her head back in a sigh, "But if you want to ask me anything, I'll be an open book for you"

"I really don't want to over step"

"You were vulnerable with me, so I can do the same", she looks at me with a more serious look than before.

"Okay, um, what type of cancer did your mum have, if you don't mind me asking?", I say quietly.

"It was brain cancer, they found a tumour in her temporal lobe", she answers as if she was giving a presentation, there seemed to be emotional attachment displayed on her face, except for her eyes. They were swimming behind her contain appearance. "She was diagnosed with a stage 4 tumour and as you probably know the rates of survival are 4 out of 100, so there wasn't much chance"

"I-I'm so sorry", I say moving in for a hug but she stops me and I shift back, worried that I had crossed the boundaries with my question.

"It's fine, I don't want, need, your sympathy", she says sternly, her eyes burning intently into mine; it wasn't out of anger but more out of earnestness. "I didn't mention bring it up so we can talk about my problems. I jus-, I just wanted to you to know that I was here for you"

Even now, talking about her life, her challenging life - she was the most selfless, kind person I'd ever known.

"It wasn't sympathy", I reach of to take her and in mine. "It was empathy. The temporal lobe most commonly known for the control over ones memory, speech and musical recognition, it does much for than that of course but I've been reading up on it over the past few days-"

"Because it is affect by dementia", she finished my sentence. "I'm sorry I didn't thi-"

"No don't apologise", I say, it was my turn to interrupt this time. " l in no way am trying to lessen your feelings and your life it's just, you said that you didn't want my sympathy so instead I give you empathy"

"Why do you have to be so smart?", she rhetorically asks, her hand fidgeting with mine.

"Destined for greatness remember", I smirk at her and she laughs a little. "Just tell me when you want to okay?", I say quietly.

"Yeah", she barely speaks with a small nod.

"Go get changed", I tell her and she gives me a puzzled look. "I want to take you somewhere".

Hey bestiesss
Don't come for me the chapter is out but before I say anything

4K!!!!!! Wtfffff

I love yall sooo much you are insane for reading this bs.

I guess I should update more often now hehe.

Just remember that Reid and I love you no matter what and I'll see you next time my lil nuggets