I don't want to be a Malfoy anymore (drarry fanfic)

Chapter 8: dont make me go back there

Draco's POV:
At dinner later, I was sat at the back of Slytherin table, not talking, not socialising, not doing anything really. I was hunched over, staring at the table, I felt awful.
I didn't want to eat or do anything for that matter. Plus eating would make me fat right? That's what father said and a Malfoy could not be fat, Lucius only gave me 2 slices of bread and 4 cups of water a week. That was when I was there. If I was at Hogwarts I would eat and then purge, I just felt like I needed to. That was also the same reason why I cut.

But suddenly Crabbe butted in, "mate, you gonna eat that?" He asked pointing at the food on my plate. I shook my head no, and he took the plate, stuffing his face, mumbling a 'thanks' while eating the food. I don't know how he eats so much food.

I looked up and saw a familiar raven haired boy sat at the Gryffindor table, Harry bloody potter talking to his friends, Hermione and Ron while glancing up at me every now and then.
I knew they were talking about me.
But I couldn't be bothered to go up to them and be rude, I didn't know what to do with myself, I hastily got up and ran out of the room, people staring.

When I got down to the dungeons, I ran into my common room and go to my dorm.
I couldn't cope anymore, I needed to do something, anything. I went over to my prions kit and picked out my knife used for cutting ingredients.
I needed a way out of this mess.
So I began to cut and cut.
1
2
3
7
10
14
18
22
But I then lost count, at that point I must have cut too deep as I remembered dropping the knife, collapsed and then just saw black.
.
..
...
....
.....
....
...
..
.
When I woke up, I think it had only been around a hour and half because people weren't in the common room or dorm so they would be in the great hall, lucky for Draco.
He got up picked the bloody knife and cleaned it while getting changed into some pyjamas.

By the time I make it down to the common room, the feat had finished as people were now piling their way through. I sat down on a black sofa and sit there reading a book, when professor Snape calls for me.

When I go out with him I see Snape, Dumbledore and Mcgonnagall.
"Draco, your... umm... your father says he wants you to go back to his next week," Dumbledore says.
I'm crushed, I've lost all hope.
I can't go back there, I just can't.
"No!" I shout firmly.
"Draco, calm," Snape says holding my shoulder calmly. But I don't, I just fell anger, pain, sadness.
"No! No! No!" I shout, "No! I'm not leaving! I'm not going there!" I'm bubbling with anger.

Dumbledore tries to calm me by holding my shoulder, but I just shake him off.
I don't want to go back there. "No, no, no" I whisper barely audible.
I can't cope it anymore, I run back into the common room, the professors following behind.

I run to my dorm and go into the bathroom locking the door.
I want to feel pain, I deserve it, don't I?
I begin to hit my head on the wall, making it throb. I then stick my fingers down my throat to make me sick and I throw up in the toilet.
I then collapse next to the toilet feeling sick and weak. I hear shouting, it's the professors, they knock on the door but I don't answer, instead I began hitting my head on the wall over and over again.

Suddenly, the door swings open and I see the three staring at my body, I'm just continuously hitting my head on the wall over and over again.
They rush over to me and try to get me to stop but I keep kicking, I just want to die.
" Draco, Draco, it-it's okay," I hear Severus say.

I instantly stop, I'm now sobbing, I repeat 'don't make me go back there.'
Severus nods and says, "we won't force you ok? We'll help you but please stop hitting yourself."
"O-okay," I stutter out between muffled sobs, Severus looks up at Albus and Minerva sharing worried looks.

'Why does he not want to go home? Why does he want to stay here so badly?' They thought.