The love letter and the suicide note

11:42pm

Astra knew that once she called her uncle, she would start crying, and she did.

He was the only family she had left, and even though she wasn't close to him, and he lived across the country, she had to call him. She needed to hear his voice, to know that she still had family alive.

Even if it was only him, as long as she had someone, any family member, she'd be okay. She wasn't alone.

But as she sat on her bed, her phone in her hands, showing the number she had accidentally called on the screen, and tears streaming down her face, she had never felt so alone in her entire life.

She couldn't ever express her feelings towards people she knew, not even her friends. But she knew she had to talk to someone because talking about it helps, and why not talk to a stranger?

It's not like they know you or will judge you. They won't do anything, but the pressure that had been building up in her chest for a while now would finally be lightened.

She had to tell someone. It wasn't healthy keeping it inside, so maybe it'd be easier to talk to a stranger. Maybe if you don't know the person, it's easier to tell them the deep stuff because they won't purposely try to sugar coat anything, and they wouldn't lie and tell her she was going to be okay. They'd just listen.

And that's what she wanted. She wanted somebody to listen. So she pressed call and waited for him to pick up.

He picked up almost immediately.

"Star, I thought you... are you crying? What happened?" At the sound of Orson's concerned voice, Astra started sobbing.

"I-I'm sorry." Astra sobbed, covering her mouth with her hand to try and silence the sobs as best as she could, but it didn't work.

"It's okay. Just breathe alright? It'll be okay." Orson spoke softly to her.

Well, there goes her thinking strangers don't tell you it'll be okay. He just did. She didn't mind though, she knew one day she would be okay. But right now she wasn't.

"I'm sorry, it just hurts. My sister... I found her body and I just, I don't have anyone." Astra sniffled and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand, but more just took their place. "I'm sorry, you don't even know me, I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have even called you."

"No no it's okay don't hang up." Astra put the phone back to her ear as the tears continued to stream down her face. "Tell me what happened?"

"It just hurts, it feels like my heart is broken in a million pieces. I don't know what to do, I don't have anybody. It's like my heart isn't even inside of me, it's gone. It's like she ripped it out of me when she left. I can't talk to anyone. I miss her so much."

"You can talk to me."

"I am." Despite the ugly crying and the runny nose, Astra laughed a little.

"Oh right, sorry." Orson let out a small chuckle.

"It's okay."

"Well, this may not be the right time to say this but I understand how you feel. Feeling like your heart is broken in a million tiny pieces and no matter what you do it always feels like it won't ever fix itself. You feel like you're drowning, and you're suffocating, like your head is under water, but it's not. You're perfectly fine, there's no water you're drowning in, but that's not how it feels inside."

"Are you okay?" He just described exactly how she felt, and only someone who had personally lost a loved one knew how that felt. Someone who had never lost a loved one couldn't possibly know how it felt, there was just no way for them to know if they never lost someone.

Only broken people knew how it felt. Or someone who had to go through something horrible. Have their heart broken. Lose someone.

Astra was never the depressed type. She was never naturally broken, she was happy and smiling in the world, but losing her sister changed that.

She had never felt so broken in her entire life, besides when her parents died.

"I'm fine."

"I don't think so Bear Cub, now come on, tell me what's up. I told you what's up with me, maybe it will help you. We're strangers after all, and telling a stranger my problem actually seemed to help a little."

"I don't think it's appropriate after what you told me." He said quietly.

"What do you mean?"

"You said you found your sister, I'm guessing that means she killed herself and you found her body. I'm sorry you had to go through that, nobody should have to find a loved ones body, it isn't fair for them, but... I'm fine Star."

"No, you're not." Astra inhaled a deep breath. He said his problem wasn't appropriate after what she told him. It wasn't appropriate after her sister.

Body in the bathroom.

Blood everywhere.

Dead.

Suicide.

When the realization finally came to her, her heart broke even more, which she didn't think was possible, and she started crying all over again.

"Please don't cry, you'll get better again one day." Orson was trying to make her feel better when he was the one who needed someone to make him feel better the most.

"Don't do it."

Orson was silent.

"I know what you meant, and I'm begging you not to do it." Astra didn't know why she was so heart broken, she didn't even know him, but deep down, she knew it was because suicide hit so close to home and she didn't want anyone else to hurt so much to the point where they do exactly what her sister had done.

She couldn't save her sister, but maybe she could save him.

"It's too late, I'm sorry. I already planned to end it on December 27th."

"That's a month away." Astra shook her head. "Please, I don't know what you've been through or what you're going through, but I promise it won't always be this way. Please listen to me, I refuse to let someone else die when I can save them."

"You can't save me Star, nobody can."

Then he hung up.