The love letter and the suicide note

5:43pm

Once Astra finished cleaning the bathroom, she put all the blood soaked towels and their dirty clothes in the washing machine to wash.

She wasn't planning on going home tonight, so she could change back into her own clothes when they were washed and dried.

After she pushed 'start' she walked back to Orson's room to see him laying in bed. He was still laying in bed with his eyes closed, his arms wrapped up in bandages, just like when she left him there to clean the mess up.

He tried to help her clean up, but she didn't let him. She made him lay in bed, he could barely even stand.

Astra walked over to the small drawer across the room and went through his clothes until she found some shorts and a t.shirt. His clothes were just a bit big on her, not like her other friends, but she didn't mind.

She liked how they were almost the same size.

She had always been on the small side, but Orson was just a bit smaller than her. Thin wise. He was a little taller than her, but he was definitely skinnier, and she knew that wasn't a good thing.

"Orson." Astra whispered as she walked to his bed and gently climbed into it.

He didn't move.

She slowly and gently climbed under the covers with him, trying not to wake him. When she was comfortable, she turned to face him and leaned the side of her head on her hand as she reached her other hand out to move some of the hair out of his face.

"My hair is long I know." Orson whispered to her, and she looked up at his face, but his eyes were still shut.

"I like it." Astra smiled.

"I need to cut it."

"No. I love it." Astra scooted closer to him.

She gently stroked his cheek with her thumb, and smiled when his eyes opened and landed on her face. He looked exhausted, dark bags visible under his eyes, but he gave her a small smile anyway.

She hadn't noticed before, partially because she wasn't looking, but now she could see it. He looked like he hadn't slept in a while, and it hurt her heart to see how tired and broken he looked.

He was broken. He was really broken.

No matter how hard she tried, and no matter what she did to help him, it wasn't enough. It never worked. Nothing she did or said helped him like she wanted it to.

She was losing him.

"You're wearing my clothes." Orson whispered as his eyes looked down at the clothes she was wearing.

"Mine are dirty and in the wash, and I'm not going home in a towel, or worse, naked, to get more clothes." Astra smiled amusingly at the thought of it.

"You look better in my clothes than I do." Orson said quietly.

Astra smiled.

"I'm sorry." Orson whispered after a minute, the small smile on his lips disappearing.

"It's okay, there's nothing for you to be sorry for." Astra said softly as she continued to stroke his cheek softly. His skin was soft, it made her relax.

"It hurts." Orson whispered, his voice cracking a little, as he closed his eyes. "I just want the pain gone. It hurts so much."

"I know." Astra said quietly.

"I'm never going to get better. Everyday it gets worse and worse, and every day I want to die more and more. I can't keep doing this Star, I can't keep living like this. There's nothing for me here. Nothing." His voice was cracking even more as he tried to keep the tears in, but a single tear escaped his closed eye.

"Hey, shh." Astra pulled him into her arms as he started crying. "You're going to be okay, it won't always be like this. It'll get better one day, please believe that."

"I can't." Orson cried.

"I know you can't believe it, I know it's so hard to believe it, but I know it'll get better one day. I know you will be okay again one day." Astra held him close to her as his body shook with the sobs that escaped.

"I want it to end." Orson cried, burying his face deeper in her chest, and her heart broke at the sound of his cries.

"I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked as she spoke, and she could feel the tears forming in her eyes. She didn't want to cry, she needed to stay strong for him, but no matter how hard she tried not to cry, she failed.

"It hurts." Orson sobbed into her chest.

"I'm here okay? I'm right here, I'm not going to leave you. I'll always be here for you." The tears slid down her face as she inhaled a shaky breath, trying not to start sobbing. "I'm here."

"Stay with me."

Astra didn't know if it was his sobbing, or his pleads for her to stay that made her start crying harder, but at those words, she tightened her grip on him.

"I'll always stay with you." Astra cried. "Always."

"Please don't leave me."

Astra's heart broke into a million tiny pieces as the broken boy clung to her and sobbed. His whole body was shaking, and she could feel the wet tears soaking into her shirt, as he clung tightly onto her, not wanting to let go.

"I'm staying right here." Astra whispered. "Right here."

But he was leaving her.

"You can't leave me either." Astra suddenly sobbed loudly, burying her face in his soft curls and pulling him closer to her. "Please don't leave me either. Please."

"I'm sorry." Was all Orson cried.

They were both sobbing. They were both shaking and clinging to each other, not wanting to let go.

"Please." Astra begged him. "Please don't leave me too. Please stay with me too."

"Okay." Orson whispered as he clutched her shirt tightly into his fists, crying into her chest.

Astra quickly wiped her tears away, inhaling a deep breath to calm herself down. She didn't know why she was crying, but when she wiped the tears away, a couple more tears took there place.

Finally, after a couple of minutes, her tears started drying, and she started hiccuping. Sleepiness took her over, and even though her heart was still so broken, no more tears came, as she clung onto Orson tightly.

His tears were still coming, and she held him in her arms as he continued to cry. He was broken, he was hurting, and Astra wanted to take all his pain away.

He never cried, which was why he had more tears than she did. She cried a lot, ever since Harley left her, but she hadn't seen him cry once.

He was finally crying, his walls were finally broken.

"I'm here love." Astra held him. "I'm right here."

Orson cried in her arms all night.