The love letter and the suicide note

4:30pm

"Heyyy, did you miss me?" Astra held up the grocery bags in her hands and smiled.

Orson didn't say anything, he just opened the door more and stepped aside to let her in. Astra set the bags on a small table and inhaled a deep breath as she turned to look at the boy standing awkwardly in the doorway. "You want to help me cook?"

He shook his head.

"Alright then, don't get mad if I burn it."

"You said you were good at cooking."

"I was joking." Astra laughed. "But, I do know how to make some good lasagna. That's what I'm going to make tonight. We'll have a pasta night. You like lasagna right?"

Orson didn't seem comfortable as Astra turned to look at the small kitchen. His place was really clean, like spotless clean. It was gorgeous too. She didn't know why he said she shouldn't go there. Maybe he just wasn't comfortable with people coming over at all, and she felt bad that she even asked to come over.

If he didn't want her over, she should leave.

"Are you okay?" Orson looked over at Astra as she watched him, waiting for him to answer. He didn't look good at all.

"I um, I don't..." He trailed off. He was fiddling with his shirt, and his hands were shaking.

"Do you want me to leave? I can leave, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No, don't go. Please don't go."

Orson sat down on the couch and bowed his head, leaning it in his hands. Astra didn't know what to do, she just stood awkwardly next to the table and watched him. "Do you, um, do you need anything? I can get you some water or something?"

"You're asking if you can get me water in my house?" Orson lifted his head up a bit to look at her, and she smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry." She let out a small chuckle.

"Shit." Astra didn't have time to react as he suddenly bolted from the couch and ran past her, towards a bathroom.

Astra heard gagging and choking, like he was throwing up, and when she walked to the bathroom, that was exactly what he was doing. He was kneeling by the toilet, puking inside as he clutched the edges tightly with his shaking hands.

He started freaking out when he was done, throwing himself away from the toilet and backed away until his back pressed against the wall behind him.

"Bear Cub." Astra said softly as she took a step towards the bathroom.

Orson hugged his knees to his chest as he continued to stare at the toilet, tears sliding down his pale face. His whole body was shaking, and he was crying, squeezing his eyes shut as he buried his face in his knees.

"Hey, tell me what's going on." Astra slowly knelt down next to him. "It's just like talking on the phone."

He shook his head.

"Do you want me to grab my phone and go into a different room and then call you? Would that help?"

He shook his head again.

"Do you want to explain how you feel with your forest again? That helped you last time, maybe it'll help you again."

He shook his head for a third time.

"Do you want me to go? I can go."

"No."

"Okay, I'll stay." Astra sat down next to him. She hesitated to reach out and touch him, but when she finally did, he didn't flinch away like she expected he would. That was good. Maybe he was trusting her a bit more than he did before.

She gently ran her fingers through his hair, and the first thing that came to her mind was how soft his curls were. They were the softest she'd ever felt, and it helped her relax a bit as she continued to run her fingers through his hair softly.

Orson's face was still buried in his knees, but he had stopped shaking a bit. That was a good sign, he was calming down.

"Come here." Astra gently pulled his head down, and he let her. He gently layed his head down on her lap and she started running her hands softly through his curls again, moving some out of his face.

She leaned over him a bit to make sure she didn't accidentally poke his eye when she moved hair out of his face. He closed his eyes and inhaled a shaky breath.

He wasn't shaking anymore.

Astra didn't know what to do or say. She tried to think of some comforting things to say to him, but nothing came to mind, so she stayed quiet. She continued to stroke his hair softly because that seemed to work a little bit.

His hand reached out to grab her knee and he squeezed it gently as he turned his head to the side to look over at the dining room they were just in. Astra opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly closed it again when she still couldn't think of what to say.

With a sigh, she looked up at the counter, but she shook her head as she saw a razor blade sitting next to the mirror, dried blood staining it. She swallowed and looked down at the broken boy in her arms.

She wished she could help him.

She leaned down so her forehead was pressed against the top of his head, and she started crying silently. "I don't know what to do." She whispered as silent tears slid down her face.