Forbidden Tragedies

Chapter 21

-Lucien-

He was gone when I came back to my senses. Or back to consciousness. My senses were still unattainable, the vampirism I needed in order to use them was completely depleted from my body at this moment.

A hard, painful throbbing in my chest with each heartbeat. The tell-tale sign to me apart from the complete void of energy or willpower that my body was done.

That I had been robbed of my sense of self, put through the wringer, and then left to die with nothing left to keep me going.

If only.

My heavy, broken breaths were the only thing I could hear. Every muscle in my body felt like lead, even the movement of my diaphragm to breathe was debatably worth the discomfort.

I wanted to just lay here, freezing against the marble and suffering until I could get just a hint of my strength back. It was one of the only feasible options present in my mind.

He'd most likely be back. I didn't know what time it was or when he'd left.

My other option was born from that inkling of fear that made me feel like I had to get out of here so I wouldn't have to find out.

Stay here was risk him coming back, or bite the bullet and drag myself out of here before he could get the chance.

He refused to chase me. For whatever reason, he'd always have me come to him whenever he felt the need to do these kinds of things.

I grit my teeth and strained just to lift my head and shift my arms.

My arm had stopped bleeding. Whether it just happened on its own or my instincts managed to take over for the most basic attempt at healing I wasn't sure. The scabbed-over gashes were still marked in full sight on my skin.

I looked away, putting my full focus into getting myself up onto my knees before dragging myself to the nearest wall.

Every movement burned and set whatever was left of my instinct into psychosis.

What I needed right now was rest, and I knew that.

But not here. I can't.

I had to stop and just breathe every time my vision began to tunnel and blur, shoving all the mental energy I had left into not collapsing again and leaving myself vulnerable. It took me about fifteen minutes alone just to get myself out of his throne room.

I kept my hand against the wall constantly, sometimes having to lean my entire body against it just to keep my legs from slipping out under me.

My other hand stayed clutched over my chest and blood-stained shirt, trying in vain to ease my struggling instincts trying currently to fight for its life.

A certain taste began to rise from my throat, a mix between my own blood and bile burning up my throat.

Every step was a mental battle, a pleading agreement within myself, then a ten-second break to catch and calm my breathing in preparation for the next one.

I refused to call for help, to ask for anything. I didn't like people seeing me in this kind of position.

So weak. So pitiful and useless. A limping mess of a vampire just trying to return to his room before his body gives out on him all over again.

Pathetic.

That's most of what they saw already, the ones that knew me at least. I didn't need to give them any further reason to prove it to themselves.

It took me a few tries to steady my hand enough to press the button in the elevator, then took me a few moment after it had lowered to my floor to step out of it.

The halls were thankfully empty. No slaves were still awake to witness me in this state and conclude their own ideas.

Which also meant no place to get blood unless I could hunt it myself. Which was also a 'no'.

The darkness of them was oddly comforting, letting me feel at least like I had something to hide in, to cover myself from facing anything in this state.

I was biting my tongue through ragged breaths, pleading for an end by the time my door came into view.

Please. Come on. Just a little bit longer.

I didn't even care if I shut down before I reached my bed. All I wanted was the safety behind my door. The privacy I needed to deal with all of this.

Again my hand slipped at my first attempt at the door, and my entire body was trembling too much at this point for the fingerprint reader to accept my scan the first few times.

The second it did, I nearly fell on the door to push it open, hobbling just a few steps in and slamming the door shut with a long, sharp hiss.

Finally.

My sigh of relief never came to be, and I instead paused completely at the presence of someone else in my room.

My mind had been so focused on what it could and choked on what it couldn't that her entire existence completely slipped my mind since I woke up.

There she stood now by the bathroom door, like she was just about to walk into it, those silver eyes staring shocked at my display.

I'm sure I looked ragged, destroyed. Blood coated my shirt and stained my arm, and my eyes were completely devoid of life.

Her seeing me in such a state didn't sit well with the rest of me.

"Out." The command came out as a mere breath, staring her down.

When she didn't move, my mind started to wander, and my tongue began rubbing against the top of my mouth.

Her head just tilted, still trying to process the exact thing I didn't want her to. Me in this state.

That ache in my fangs gave this sudden urge a target.

Blood. Her blood specifically.

The knowledge of what her blood did to me hit me like a punch to the gut. How it might just be the relief that I couldn't get anywhere else.

The minuscule amount of energy in me heightened at the thought. At the sight of what could be the end of this suffering instead of just waiting for it to pass like I've always had to.

But just as soon as the idea showed up, I fought with it. I refused to further crush what was already trying to repair itself with false hopes of unattainable cures.

I was in no position to take it from her even if I wanted to, and I highly doubted she'd agree to let me have it or volunteer it out of nowhere.

Whatever. I didn't need her help. I've dealt with it alone before.

Giving in to that craving now would only boost the very addicted to it that I was trying like hell to avoid with that strange blood.

I forced myself again to move, just enough to get me to the edge of the couch.

If she wasn't going to be of use to me, then she didn't get to keep seeing me in this position either.

I didn't know what kind of conclusions she'd come up with, and truly I didn't care. She can do whatever the hell she wants in her own room while giving me the privacy I wanted.

"Get out!" I snarled much louder this time, shocking her out of her supposed stupor, and causing my headache to worsted tremendously.

I staggered down just a bit from the rush of it, catching myself on the couch before falling too far.

When I looked back up, she was gone and the door was shut, leaving me just how I wanted to be.

For now, the couch would do, and I crawled pathetically onto it the best I could.

I was sure that I'd wake up between now and then with enough energy to take myself to my bed, but I'd pushed myself enough, and for now, I truly had absolutely nothing left.