Love Yuh Bad

All Falls Down

TRIGGER WARNING: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AND ABUSE

**** The Next Day / Thursday, February 9th 2023 ****

Abi's POV

If I could go back in time, maybe I would do things differently.

Maybe I would have loved myself more, or maybe I would have told myself I was worth it.

I had a really rough childhood, not rough in terms of money, but rough in terms of treatment.

Growing up in an abusive household, where you were the only person experiencing abuse was like living in a personal hell every day.

If yuh eva ask mi mada bout mi fada, she woulda tell yuh seh "My Daniel was a saint".

Daniel was far from a saint, Daniel was the devil.

He always treated me differently from Keri-Anne and Shane, Mommy woulda neva seh it but she know seh ah di truth mi ah tell.

He used to tell me that I wasn't his kid, and that mommy did give him bun wid her pastor.

The things he would say to me.....

"Yuh anuh mi pickney enuh Abi, mi juss decide fi tek care ah yuh cause mi love Nicole"

Imagine.

Being six years old, and the man you have always known to be your father tells you that to your face.

This is the kinda shit that sticks with you for life, makes you feel worthless.

Makes you feel more okay, or willing to deal with other abuse as it comes up in life.

Mi love mi mada, but mi know seh she did know how him did ah treat me, and she neva tet seh nutt'n.

Love makes us see everything through rose-colored glasses.

Everybody always waan turn pon mi when mi fuck up, like seh dem nuh realize mi traumatize.

Mi nuh blame Keri or Shane though, they were kids just like me.

But Nicole......Nicole was a grown adult, and she love off di man suh much that she allowed him to hurt me in those ways while she turned ah blind eye.

Unuh may call mi heartless but when him did dead, mi couldn't even cry.

I don't think I have even cried yet about it , and it's been a few years now.

If it was up to me.....him woulda dead off long time.

Because I knew that the way that man treated me growing up would have irreparable damage in my young adult life.

Clearly, I was right.....

I haven't been home to see my mom in two weeks.

I have literally cut off all communication with the people who once loved and cared for me.

Yuh see that's what happens when you start to date a narcissist.

They will pull at all your trauma, and begin to convince and control you to the point where yuh don't even know when your personal opinions and decision-making start and end.

Nardane was a narcissist, a textbook case at that.

Even though mi fully aware, is like seh mi ah struggle fi break free and escape dis man.

Yuh know how mi did happy when mi find out seh di gyal leff him?

All inna my mind was that we would finally get a chance to be together officially now.