Love Yuh Bad

So Brutal

**** Two Months Later / Sunday, August 27th 2023 ****

Noelle's POV

📍Taboga, Panama

There's just something about Sundays in Panama.

A certain feeling of peace and calmness comes with being out here on this island.

Far away from the mainland, in my own little hideout.

This is the feeling that has made it easier for me to be out here for almost two months.

I had rented a small villa on the island, and it was the best decision I have ever made in my life.

It felt like the only place I could come to try and figure my life out.

I was dealing with so much all at once, and I had to escape that house and those people.

Mi miss Keri...

If Keri-Anne was here she would be able to give some good advice on how to handle all of this.

"How long yuh plan fi keep we yah likkle girl?"

I look up from my position on the couch and lock eyes with my mother.

"Ah yuh decide fi come wid mi enuh...mi neva did need nuh shadow backa mi lady" I call back to her with a small laugh.

She insisted on following me out here.

Her claim was that with everything that had happened over the past few months, it wasn't healthy for me to be alone and away from my family.

But now all she do ah complain...

"Mi miss mi yaad man, and Dwayne birthday ah come up and mi nuh wah we miss it" she says with a sigh, before moving to find a seat next to me.

I place the laptop that I was holding in my lap on the coffee table in front of us, before shifting my attention to her.

"We won't be here for much longer mommy, mi juss need likkle more time fi clear mi head"

Dwayne's birthday was September 5th so we would have to leave soon in order to make his party that weekend.

Being in Jamaica, especially Mandeville, brought about a lot of memories and shit I was trying to escape.

I couldn't be around Micheal or anyone who would remind me of him.

I needed full separation, in order to start healing.

Hardest thing mi eva haffi do inna mi life...

"Why yuh couldn't clear yuh head when we did deh Jamaica, look how many parish we have...yuh coulda guh almost anywhere fi cool out likkle" she scolds me, throwing up her hands in frustration.

"Mi did need more than a drive out mommy...I had to leave the country"

'Ah run yuh run weh leff di problem girl' my subconscious snaps at me.

"Yuh bout fi be somebody mada yer? Weh yuh ah do right now ah pickney business...as ah big ooman yuh need deal wid yuh problem dem head-on" she says to me.

Ah from when she ah hold dat in enuh...

"Micheal nuh perfect Noelle, no one is. But him ah wah good yute...nuff man woulda leff yuh from when to how yuh always cross and vex" she continues to ramble on.

These days, Micheal and I rarely communicate with each other.

I just send a few text messages here and there to update him on the babies after my appointments.