𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 ˢᵛᵗ

twenty six ♬

So Youngpil let Hana drive.

And part of me thought that we would end up admitted into the hospital. Hana has many great qualities; driving is not one of them. Thankfully we got there quickly and in one piece. The time was just after 9 am, and Youngpil said that I could get 3 hours at most to talk to my mum. He'd already notified the hospital beforehand that I was coming, something about a visitor policy with psych patients, so her doctor would greet me and take me to her.

Youngpil decided to wait in the lobby with Hana, where he said he would give her rundown on the basic company rules. Dr Yang, my mother's assigned doctor, escorted me to her room which was on the fifth floor. She looked young, maybe an intern or newly turned resident. The elevator ride was uncomfortably quiet, like Dr Yang wanted to say something to me yet held back.

When we finally reached her room, Dr Yang held my arm to stop me before I went inside. The room door was open, and I got a glimpse of my mother laying on the bed staring out the window. I couldn't tell whether she felt happy or sad.

"She's been told that you're coming," She said, biting the inside of her lip nervously. "And she told me not to tell you this however I think it's in your best interest to know. Her condition has been-"

"Dr Yang," my mum's voice rang out from inside the room. "I don't suppose that's my daughter you're talking to, is it?"

I walked inside, the doctor following behind me. My assumptions were right; her body looked frail, her hair and skin washed out. But she didn't look desperate or helpless. She looked more like she has accepted her situation.

"Care to fill her in on the situation?" My mother said, but it was more of a command.

"Uh yes absolutely ," Dr Yang hastily picked up her chart. "Um the..Schizophrenia seems to have worsened so we have increased the dosage of her prescribed antipsychotic medication. Dr Bae, the psychiatrist who's been treating your mother, deemed that the illness may develop into Dementia by the time she turns 50."

"That's nothing new," I said, taking a seat on the couch chair provided. "The last two doctors said the same."

"There's also the case of her liver,"Dr Yang continued, carefully watching my mum's reaction. "The damage is quite-"

"I'm an alcoholic. My liver is messed up. She gets the story Yang," My mum retorted.

"But she deserves to know-"

"Dr Yang," She coldly interrupted. "Don't you have other patients to see?"

Dr Yang looked annoyed and reluctantly excused herself, leaving the two of us alone. I watched my mother as she took a sip of water from the cup on the tray in front of her. She was definitely less dazed and restless from when I last saw her.

"So are we going to address the elephant in the room or?" She asked boldly, waiting for my answer. Every time we had argued in the past, the conversation that followed went one of either two ways. We talk about it or forget it ever happened.

"Have we really going to do this right now?" I said.

"Yes we do have to do this right now," She challenged. "Unless you'd prefer I just die so we don't have to talk at all? Would that be easier for you?"

"I said that because I was mad, not because I meant it!" I sighed in frustration, angry that she was using my own words against me.

"I know," her voice was small. "I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this."