You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 3

As Taylor walked in and settled down, she decided to get straight to it "I think Jessica has a problem". Your mum looked over at her, a confused expression on her face "what are you on about?".

"She looks exhausted, she has definitely lost weight since I saw her a couple of months ago and she seemed pretty anxious tonight during dinner. I took her the cookies up earlier and she said she'd eaten them and that's why she couldn't finish her dinner – but I've just brought them downstairs totally untouched". Your mum processed this information, "I told you she's going through a weird food phase, she's just tired because it's the end of the week. I love you Tay and I love that you love Jessie so much but I really don't think there is a problem. I would have noticed". Taylor persisted "Most people hide it really well. Nobody knew for months with me. It's only when you know the signs it is obvious. Now I'm not saying she's in danger but I definitely think there is something more going on. Promise me you'll tune into it over the next few days and see? I can recommend a few therapists if you agree to it." Your mum nodded eagerly, "Of course, let's just see. I'll keep an eye over the weekend while you're here and you can signal to me any concerns. If I pick up on anything strange I'll take her straight to the doctor and get her into therapy, ok? I'm not gonna not help her, I just think it'll pass". Taylor nodded gratefully, aware that it wasn't her place to force your mum into anything – she just wanted to look out for you, she knew all the signs and knew how easy it was to fall into that rabbit hole.

Taylor made a mental note not to push too hard this weekend but just to take extra care to keep a watchful eye.

After another couple of hours of chatting both women were tired and decided to head up to bed themselves.

The next morning Taylor awoke at 5.30 – she usually wasn't an early riser but the change in environment plus the nagging suspicion in her belly about Jessica wouldn't let her settle properly. She decided to go and check on her goddaughter, to put her mind at ease. As she padded down the hallway she could hear something from your room so she didn't hesitate in opening the door quickly but quietly. Her heart broke as she saw you on the floor, sweating doing sit ups. You were in a trance, knowing you'd done this every night for weeks and your mum had never woken up – you hadn't even considered that Taylor would. As Taylor edged closer to you she reached out gently "Hey Sweetheart" your whole body jumped and you nearly screamed. Your eyes were wide with terror as you scrambled to make an excuse but the words were stuck in your throat. Taylor helped you up and sat next to you on the bed "What's going on? Why are you exercising this early?" you shook your head, trying to get your thought straight "I'm...I didn't...I couldn't sleep – so I just thought it might help get some energy out. I fell asleep early and so was up early" you could tell from the look on her face that she didn't believe it but she didn't mention it further "Ok, do you want to go and get some breakfast or try and go back to sleep? It's super early". You weren't tired but you definitely didn't want breakfast so you shrugged and laid back down in your bed. This time Taylor didn't leave you alone and laid down next to you, cuddling you into her. Despite the adrenaline running through your body you really were tired and as you laid there with Taylor stroking your arm gently you drifted off into a deep sleep again.

Taylor meanwhile didn't sleep at all again, she studied you intently. She took in your slightly sunken eyes, your skinny arms and legs. She looked around your room and wondered how you had got to the point where you hated your body enough to restrict your food and over exercise. As soon as the sun was up Taylor got up and made a coffee, soon after your mum woke up and went downstairs. Taylor grimaced as she told her about this morning and your mum felt a pang of worry for the first time. They agreed again to see how the next couple of days going and Taylor reminded her of the importance of not brining too much attention to food. As it was Saturday both women started to make a good breakfast - eggs, bacon, sausages, pancakes. All of your favourites. Your mum was hoping it enticed you in and Taylor knew it would be a true test of whether you were struggling or not.