You drew stars around my scars

Chapter 20

Taylor slid into the black SUV and the minute the door was shut she broke down sobbing, her head in her hands – her whole body convulsing with the cries. Andrea rubbed her back and tried to console her. Taylor tried to explain "She was begging mum – begging me not to leave her! She was literally clambering to get to me, screaming and crying and I just walked out and left her there!" Andrea hummed in acknowledgement "I know darling but you did the right thing – you did what the doctors told you to do." Taylor's tears had slowed down now, being replaced by panic – she was chewing on her lip as she stared back into the building "Maybe I should have fought more for her? Maybe I should have insisted? I could have hired somebody to watch her all the time at home. She's terrified Mum!". Andrea could hear the panic rising in her voice and she became worried Taylor would try and go back into the hospital so she pulled the car away, attempting to get her away from it and then she could calm her down. Taylor fumbled in her bag, trying to look for her phone – her hands were shaking too much and she kept dropping it, as she finally managed to pull it out Andrea looked over "what are you doing?"

Taylor only glanced at her Mum for a split second before focusing back on her phone "I'm ringing the ward – I need to see if she's calmed down yet". Andrea sighed sadly "Darling, it has only been 5 minutes – the nurses are going to be busy settling her. Besides if she hasn't you're only going to upset yourself more. Leave it until we are home and then let's see." Taylor attempted to protest but Andrea reached over, pulling the phone out of her daughter's hands and dropping it into her own pocket. They sat in silence the rest of the journey back, Taylor anxiously bouncing her leg as she ran through the last day in her mind.

As soon as they walked through the door Andrea made her way to the kitchen to make some tea for them both "Tay, what do you want me to make you to eat?" Taylor shook her head quickly before her Mum had even finished talking "I'm not hungry, can you give me my phone back?" Andrea looked at her with a stern look on her face, Taylor faltered slightly "please?"

Andrea took a step towards Taylor, rubbing both her arms gently "Sweetheart, she was about to have dinner when you left – you need to give them some time. Let me make you something to eat and then I promise I'll give you your phone back and you can ring them"

Taylor knew there was no arguing, she felt frustrated but gave in "fine, I really am not hungry though – I'll just grab some cereal" she moved around the kitchen reaching for a bowl but Andrea stopped her quickly "You need more than that – you might not feel hungry but your body needs food. You have to look after yourself more so you're strong enough to look after Jessica – there is no use burning yourself out. I will whip something up for you".

A lump appeared in Taylor's throat but she didn't argue back, instead she watched on as her mum went about preparing some pasta for her, she continue to replay the sound of the screams as she left the hospital. Soon enough Andrea had put the plate and a fork in front of the blonde, nudging her back to reality. She picked up the fork and twirled some spaghetti around, eating about 2/3rds of the meal before giving up. Andrea felt satisfied enough and begrudgingly handed Taylor her phone back, watching as she instantly rang the hospital.

Taylor's anxiety grew as the phone continued to ring with no answer. Just as she was about to give up a nurse answered "Hi, erm my name is Taylor. I'm Jessica's guardian – I left about an hour ago now and she was pretty upset. I just wanted to ring and make sure she'd calmed down and that she'd eaten her dinner tonight?"

The nurse hesitated slightly, unsure how much information she could give out over the phone, she went to get the doctor instead and Taylor waited anxiously – she chewed on her nails and her mum immediately pulled her hand away, squeezing it tightly to calm her down. After a couple of minutes a voice came on the phone "Good evening Ms Swift, I understand you'd like an update?"

Taylor confirmed quickly, frustrated that everything was taking too long. The doctor began to flick through the teen's paperwork "Unfortunately after you left Jessica took a long time to calm down, she had a panic attack. The nurses tried to settle her but it was no use – she began to act in a way that could have caused harm so the difficult decision was made to sedate her" Taylor audibly gasped but the doctor continued anyway "She is continuing to receive IV nutrition and we will try again with breakfast in the morning – it's likely she will be asleep until the morning now". Taylor gulped, trying to swallow down the tears that threatened to fall as she spoke "Ok, erm well wow" She took a deep breath before starting again "I will bring her some clothes and toiletries in the morning and I'll have a chat with her. I'm sure she will start to eat once I explain she's not going to come home until she is stable" The doctor cleared his throat awkwardly "Did nobody explain to you?"

Taylor's voice was small as she spoke again "explain what?". The concerned tone caused Andrea to move next to the blonde, rubbing her back as she tried to listen to the doctor's voice through the phone too "well we actually don't let anyone visit for the first 72 hours. We find it isn't beneficial to the patients – they need time to get accustomed to the rules in hospital and having a parent or guardian coming in just causes more upset. You can visit in three days and after that you get a daily phone call and 3 times weekly visits". Taylor's eyes filled up with tears "But, I promised her! I promised her I would see her tomorrow – she's not going to understand! I empathise with the rules but I know Jessica – she will need support". The doctor was more firm this time "and she will get that from the staff here. This really is for the best – it also allows us to get a true assessment of her condition. Feel free to have somebody drop off some supplies to the nurses tomorrow but they won't be allowed in to see her. It sounds mean but it really is for the best." Taylor nodded then realised she couldn't be seen so she thanked the doctor and hung up quickly. She stared at the phone for a few seconds before turning towards her Mum "I'm not allowed to see her for 3 days! She's going to think I've abandoned her, I promised her that I wouldn't leave her there. They had to sedate her Mum!" As soon as the words were out of her mouth the younger blonde crumpled into sobs again, wracked with guilt and fear. Andrea pulled her into a hug and rubbed her back, whispering calming words into her ear. They sat like that for the next 20 minutes, Taylor crying while Andrea soothed her. Eventually Taylor calmed herself down enough to talk "Thanks for staying Mum, but you should get going. It's getting late" Andrea kissed the side of her head "I'm not leaving you tonight – they will keep Jessica safe and I'll keep you safe and in the morning I will take her up some bits. You need to get some rest Taylor – you look exhausted". Taylor sniffed but nodded slightly, heading upstairs and getting ready for what she knew would be a long night.