You drew stars around my scars

2016

Flashback to 2016

Taylor was sitting on the sofa, staring off into space, bouncing her leg and chewing her lip anxiously. She wasn't sleeping, she definitely wasn't eating. She wanted to disappear – her thoughts were overwhelmingly loud and whereas usually music was her 'out', she didn't even have the motivation to write. She just sat there, simply existing, passing the hours with absolutely nothing. She couldn't leave the house, the paparazzi were hounding her – desperate to get a shot of the 'broken' pop star. She had ignored all messages from her family and her team – she didn't have the energy to fight them anymore. She just wanted to be left alone.

That wish was ignored when her phone flashed, signalling another call from her publicist. She stared at it until it stopped ringing then clicked back onto her twitter app – torturing herself by reading all the awful things being said about her. As she was reading through it all she saw a text from her mum 'we are coming over xxx'. Taylor sighed, rolling her eyes as she typed back 'I'm fine. Don't come over. I'm busy xx'. She put her phone down again, silently replaying all the negative comments in her head that she had just read. Half an hour later Taylor had worked herself up and was now pacing the living room, desperately trying to disperse some of her nervous energy. Suddenly she heard the front door opening and a few seconds later she saw the two women appear in her living room, she sighed "Hi Mum, Tree". Both women smiled at her sadly, Andrea moved closer to her but Taylor backed away, holding her hand up to stop her coming any closer "Don't", her voice broke as she spoke and she took a deep breath to stop herself from crying. Andrea didn't listen though, she took another few steps and pulled Taylor into a tight hug, she rubbed her back as she felt the young blonde crumble, tears dripping out of her eyes, sobs wracking her body. The room was silent as Taylor cried into her Mum's shoulder, slowly she pulled herself back together and calmed herself down. Once she had stopped crying she pulled away from her mum, looking between the two women before shaking her head and closing her eyes "it's all just so loud". Andrea guided her back to the sofa, the three of them sitting down but as soon as she had sat, she stood back up again – pacing the room. Andrea reached out to her "what has caused this anxiety today darling?" Taylor turned to look at her, then glanced down at her phone "have you seen it online? All the hate? It's everywhere. Everyone hates me..." Andrea shook her head "no they don't – you're just looking at the bad stuff. All your fans are still there, supporting you..."  Taylor opened her phone, turning it around to show them both "there is NO support! All there is, is hate! Look at it!" Tree reached out, grabbing the blonde's phone away from her "Taylor, it is my job to deal with all of this – and I am dealing with it. But there is no point in torturing yourself by reading through it all. Nothing they're saying matters. This isn't healthy". Taylor dragged her hands through her hair, tugging at it slightly "ergh, it doesn't matter. i'm fine. You can both leave now – I have things to do". Andrea frowned slightly "we aren't leaving you like this. Did you sleep at all last night?" Taylor sighed "YES. I'm sleeping, I'm eating, I'm writing. I.AM.FINE. now please, please just leave me alone". Andrea reached out to her again "darling, we aren't leaving. We are worried about you – we are here to look after you." Taylor turned towards the redhead "Tree, please – get her out of here. I just need to think, I need space. I can't breathe with everyone here!" Tree smiled sympathetically at her "Tay, we are here to help. We can't leave you like this. We are worried about you – I'm worried about you. You're spiralling". Hearing those words, Taylor finally gave in – her body slumping "what is it going to take for you to leave me alone?"

The two older women glanced at each other, Andrea spoke first "you're going to shower, then you're going to eat some lunch with us. Tree is going to talk to you about what the plan is. Then we are going to book you a doctor's appointment. This can't carry on Taylor – we need to get on top of this."