Life choices (Remus Lupin Marauders era)

| Chapter 2 |

I curl up on the sofa in the common room and thumb through the worn out pages of my favourite book, Alice in wonderland, the same book that I was reading on the train. My mind is so immersed in the captivating story that I don't even notice them creeping up behind me. Of course they have to come in and ruin my peace. My book gets ripped out of my hands and I look up in both surprise and protest to see them all looking down at me.

"What is this trash? Alice in wonderland?" James rolls his eyes at me, picking up the book and flicking through the pages with such a careless air that I flinch inwardly.

"What are you doing with a muggle book?"

I hold my hand out for the book and Potter looks at me with a cocky, shit-eating grin and I try to not vomit at the sight.

"Oh, you want it back? Well just ask then. Go on. Ask for it." His teasing words growing increasingly aggressive - making my heart rate spike and my breathing quicken to an alarming rate.

I look around wildly for my blackboard (a simple black slate that I normally have by my side for a quick form of communication) and want to weep when I see that it's in Black's hands. I wordlessly open my mouth and close it again, probably looking like a slightly insane goldfish as my eyes flit between each of the faces gathered around in search for any of my friends or family in the room but it's mainly empty, and the people that are there are either ignoring us or haven't noticed their torment upon me.

I put on my best pleading face and look at each one of them. My eyes catch on Lupin's and he looks almost sorry, but he can't be. People like them don't feel empathy.

"Oops." James mutters and his hand flies out, dropping the book in the roaring fire.

I watch in horror as my book gets swallowed by the roaring flames. I flinch away, curling up into the arm of the sofa and feel myself tearing up as it slowly vanishes, turning to nothing more than a few specks of dust and some lost words. Books are one of my only comforts, and this is, or rather was, my absolute favourite book, an old hand me down from my great grandfather who shared my love of muggle literature.

This has gone too far. I reach up and slap him across the face with all the strength I have in me, making his head snap to the side. He looks down at me in shock, his hand tenderly rubbing the bright red skin of his cheek before his whole face becomes flushed with anger. I let out a small squeak in fear and make a quick dash towards the staircase that leads up to the girls dorm. They try to chase me but slip as the stairs morph into a slippery stone slide.

In any other instance, seeing them flailing about awkwardly as they curse my name would've had me holding back fits of laughter, however happiness doesn't come so easy to me and I find myself shedding a tear as I mourn for the lost novel. I slip into the room which is thankfully void of any form of life before I lie down on my bed and start to read up on defence against the dark arts before the lesson tomorrow, trying to take my mind off of the traumatic events. My heart doesn't stay calm for too long however as I take note of what we are about to study - werewolves and vampires. To say that I'm a little bit nervous is the understatement of the century, but hopefully everything should be fine.

The telltale sign of giggles slowly rise up the stairs and the girls soon appear in the doorway, Alice and Mary once again involved in a deep debate about something nonsensical. Lily looks exhausted with their antics and slides over to where I lie, flopping down on my bed with a sigh.

"Hey Immy, whatcha reading?"

I muster up a smile and show the page to her. She looks down at it in confusion for a split second before her eyes light with realisation.

"Oh yeah, we're studying that in class tomorrow."

I try my best to keep my bright smile steady but I can't help but still feel down after the book incident, alongside the fact that they took my favourite form of communication. Unfortunately Lily seems to notice my sadness and frowns.

"What's wrong? You look like you've been crying. Where's your board? You're hardly ever without it."

I shrug and turn back to my book, really not wanting to relive the whole ordeal as the three of them will no doubt storm downstairs with eyes ablaze with fury and spark war with the marauders.

"What are you hiding from me Ims, who has it?" She asks more forcefully this time, sitting up in bed and placing a hand on my shoulder

I shrug again and flick through the pages of my book, trying to avoid looking her in the eye as I know that if I do I'll fall into a fit of tears and I really can't cope with that at this moment in time.

"Who!"

"The tall one does, the one with messy hair who chats to all the girls." Comes a small reply from the door. "And the one with glasses he always hangs out with burnt her book." I turn to see a rather nervous looking first year standing in the doorway, playing with the sleeves of her oversized robes

"Which book?" Lily asks furiously.

I point to Alice's bed in the hopes that she might catch my drift, and after a couple of seconds she does, her hands curling into fists as her brow furrows.

"Alice in Wonderland? But your great grandfather gave you that book! How could they?!" She practically screams the place down.

"What the hell is going on? Why is a first year here?" Mary and Alice finally enter the real world, their argument forgotten as they hear Lily's uncharacteristic shouts.

"Black and Potter stole her blackboard and burnt her Alice in Wonderland book." Lily replies bitterly. "This has gone too far, they can't get away with it!"

Mary gets a murderous glint in her eye and storms back out of the room as she hears this, baying for blood. I run to catch up with her with the optimistic hope that I can stop her before she does too much damage to them. By the time I reach her it's almost too late as she stands in front of the marauders, wand out and ready to hex them.

"You are all such insolent, insensitive, immature pricks!" She screams at them. "Give it back!"

"What?"

She roars and looks like she's about to kill. I go up to Mary and gently take a hold of her arm, pulling her back away from them shaking my head. I take out my wand and start to write in the air - an action that although sounding good and useful, is not favourable.

Don't bother, they love to hurt people, so don't let it get to you. I can't bring my book back, and they've probably done something to the whiteboard. I'll live, it's them that has to face the guilt. They're coming off worse of this. Especially him.

I leave my words burning with a silver glow in the air and one question running through all their minds.

"Who's coming off worse? Which one of us?" One of them shouts up after us.

I turn to Mary and smile, pleased with the panic and rift that I had caused between them with my obscure words. It's little mind tricks like that which are best revenge. I head back to my bed, letting the others unnecessarily fret over my problems as they wonder how to get them back.

I don't like to play the constant, physical, torturous revenge game. It just digs you into a deeper hole where you're constantly looking behind your back, fearing something will happen.

As much as I want to hate them and get my revenge, I know that I won't and I can't. I can't hate people unless they've done something specifically to hurt me and properly cripple me, mentally or physically. Over time, I will get over the book being burnt. It hurts me now to think about it, but eventually it will just be something from the past that I can use to make them feel bad.

Forgive and forget, because someday your life could be over and you'll just be left with people who knew you died holding something against them.

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Edited

Hi.

This is me from the future having edited this chapter now.

Hope you're having a good day.

Xx