Faking Isn't Enough |✔️

~ New Year, New Start ~

We accept the love we think we deserve ~ Stephen Chbosky

Autumns POV

I finish packing my bag for school and give a happy sigh. Yes, school may be tomorrow but I feel as though I have gotten over Zach. After Penny left my house a week ago, I did go talk to my mum and I spent the rest of the week going to places with Penny. Maybe me and Zach breaking up means that I haven't found 'the one' yet. I guess I'll have to wait and see. I pull the zip on the bag closed and fling it into the corner of my room, close to my bed.

"Dinner!" Mum calls to the entire family. I run down the stairs, with Jamie not far behind. Mum always makes the best meals the night before the first day of school. Just as I was about to jump the last few steps, Jamie nudges me, "I'm going to beat you!" then he races past me. Jamie always turns everything into a game.

"Please slow down, Jamie. I am holding a very hot plate" Mum comes through the kitchen doors very slowly and places the spaghetti in the middle of the table. She brushes off her hands then walks back through the doors. Jamie and I both sit down in our usual spots: Jamie and I sit next to each other then mum and dad sit opposite us. Dad is already sitting at the table.

"Hey, you two!" Dad's eyes are fixed on the spaghetti. Mum then walks out of the kitchen with the meatballs.

"Ok," she places the food onto the table with everyone's excited eyes following.

"Now you can eat!" Mum announces and everyone dives into the food. Mmmm it is soooo good. Spaghetti hanging from my mouth isn't the most attractive look but I really couldn't care less at this current moment. Man, I miss this comfort food!

"Good?" Mum asks even though she already knows the answer. Everyone at the table nods their head so violently it looks like they are about to fall off.

"Are you two ready for a new school year tomorrow?" Mum tries to make small talk. I look at Jamie and he looks back at me.

Are you going to answer first or am I? I try to communicate through my eyes.

Nu-uh. I'm eating this spaghetti while you talk. Jamie says back to me with his eyes. Although, I didn't need his eyes to tell me that because of all of the noodles hanging down from his mouth. I sigh at my defeat and put my fork down.

"I'm ready to face everyone at school and have an awesome year with Penny." I try to answer truthfully. By everyone I meant Zach but that can be our little secret.

"Ok, good. Jamie? What about you, dear?" Phew. The attention on me is over. Hellooooo amazing meatballs!

~~~~~~~

For lots of people, the start of the year is very exciting to them. I used to get excited but that was because I was basically in everyone's good books. But now I have Nicole, Ryan, and Zach who I have to deal with. Great. Penny is going to be my escape this year from all of the drama to come. And be a pathway to help me forget about all the drama behind me. Aka the breakup.

I think you all deserve to be put out of the darkness. I was in Hawaii when we broke up. Zach broke up with me because he thought I was cheating on him with Ryan. Obviously, that wasn't true because I mean who cheats on someone with their ex? And yet that ex cheated on them? Anyways, I had booked a tour guide for Hawaii so Zach and I could know a bit more about the place. Turns out, Ryan's family was staying in Hawaii for the holidays and Ryan had gotten a job as a tour guide. Nicole had already dumped him and moved on when he was our guide. I think Ryan started to flirt with me a little but I didn't notice at the time. Zach was silently watching this and he thought I was flirting back. We had a big fight in our hotel room and Zach went home early. He also didn't tell his parents for a week or two about the breakup. I mean come on! You guys probably think that Zach and I are 'meant to be together', which is what I thought too, but I guess not. But I'm just going to put it out there: I still love Zach. Although I'm trying not to. I think I have gotten over him, I think. No, I'm positive.

Anyways, I've been lying on my back for what seems like hours now. The whole house is asleep, but every time I fall asleep I have this mini dream where I fall downs some stairs or into a dark hole and then suddenly jolt awake. I roll over onto my side and tuck my hand under my head so that I can see the time on my clock. It's 3:02. Uughhh! I have 3 hours till I need to be up and ready for school. I need to sleep. I turn back onto my back and close my eyes, praying that the weird dream I had earlier is gone.

"Autumn wait up!" Someone calls out to me. I keep on running, scared of who it will be. I run and run and run but the distance between me and the mystery person seems to grow closer, not further.

"Autumn!" The voice calls out again. They grab onto my arm so they can turn me around. I feel a single tear roll down my reddened cheeks.

"Autumn." No. No. It can't be. I try to choke out words to say go away but I can't choke out anything.

"Autumn." He says it again. I shake my head. No, he can't be here.

"G-go." I manage to say something through the storm of tears on my face. His hand cups my cheek.

"Zach. Go." His name felt like fire on my lips. He seems not to hear me and leans in closer to my face.

I wake up breathless. No. I refuse to listen to my dream. It was only a dream. Just a dream, nothing more. I'm still panting, and I'm starting to burn up. I slowly pull the duvet off of me and slide off the bed. My legs are kind of shaking. I feel as weak as hell and I have a feeling that it's only going to get worse when I see Zach. 

Author's Note:

Hello, fellow readers! Are you enjoying this book? If so, don't forget to comment and vote!!!  What do you think is going to happen at Autumn's first day? We have also now made an Instagram account (Cloud_Queens)so you can go check that out too!

~ Cloud_Queens xoxo