Fiery Revenge⎪✓

96

☀︎

!TW! - Mentioning of sexual assault and rape

Yet another sleepless night with thoughts spreading in my mind. Xavier is cuddling up to me, his head settled on my chest and his muscular arm covering my entire abdomen. Both of our healing processes are slow, bedridden is the best way to describe it. This is why I fall asleep more times than not during the day, leaving me to grieve through the night. 

It's been two weeks since the episode with my father. 

It ripped through me during that period of time, awakening some trauma from the previous Eloisa. I can't distance myself from her anymore, being with Xavier is reason enough for me to be her, but meeting my dad and killing him destroyed it for me. It's been difficult for me to talk about what happened that night. 

I managed to tell Xavier about me threatening Oriana, he was shocked but told me that I had gone through a lot and that I showed up to help him. Oriana herself stepped in and denied us any chance of letting it come between us. She told him that I was suffering from blood loss, she thought it was inevitable that I would lash out at her when I saw her out there. 

"Amore?" His deep and sleep-induced voice carries through the dark room, my stomach flutters from hearing it. 

"Hey," I whisper.

He squeezes me slightly to him, "What's going on in that mind of yours?"

"I don't know," I murmur, my eyes nearly well up with tears. The mixture between my insomnia and his soft voice has me on edge, I'm kind of pathetic. "Everything."

He adjusts himself, lying down next to me and pulling my frame to him. Kissing my temple, "If you feel comfortable, I'm always here to listen."

"I'm going to cry if I start," I warn him with a scoff.

"I don't give a shit," He speaks swiftly. "Well, I do, because that means something is hurting you. But you don't have to be this strong all the time, not with me."

"You already know this, but I was the one who found my family that night. They had been placed outside the house in the rain, all of them cold and dead. The authorities didn't do anything about it, and I know why now," Taking a deep breath, Xavier trails his finger down my arm and I focus on that feeling. 

"My father did it to my brother and my mom. He worked with your dad and together they came up with a plan to murder my family. They made it seem like my dad was amongst the dead, even threatened the police to tell me exactly what I needed to know."

"Eloisa," He whispers gloomily through the night.

"Yeah," I breathe and blink multiple times, desperate not to let the tears fall. "I've never told this to anyone, that night it was my 22nd birthday and I had been out partying with my friends. One guy I'd gone to school with for years forced me into a bathroom at the club."

I hesitate, not knowing how to say these next words. Saying it out loud makes it sound so real. It makes me feel tainted and less than. Tears overflow and trail down my raw cheeks. 

"He raped me inside that bathroom stall. When I ran away from the club afterward, blood was trailing down my legs and I was ashamed. He told me it was my fault, that I had been leading him on without doing anything to live up to my words. On my way home, Giovanni called and told me they were in danger. From that point, I decided that rape was nothing compared to the other things I went through that night."

I'm met with silence, but considering how harshly he's gripping my waist, I know he's trying to regulate his wrath. 

So I continue, "Ever since then, I've responded to simple triggers. The way Marc grabbed me before we went to The Dungeon once, and what happened in the warehouse."

"What happened, Eloisa?" He speaks softly, although the words are spoken through gritted teeth. 

"My father had an expectation of me getting romantically involved with a member of his. My own blood looked another man in the eyes and told him to fuck me good before he left. I was alone with that man, a knife lodged in my stomach and it brought everything back from that night. He only managed to kiss me before I killed him," The tears are bothering me in a continuous stream, not allowing me to wipe any away before new ones follow them. 

"Fuck," He breathes, pulling me impossibly close. "I'm so fucking angry at those bastards, but I know that isn't what you need right now."

"It's okay," I say with a nod. "Not what they did, but it's okay to be angry. I was as well."

"What happened to the first guy?" He finds himself asking. 

"I killed him," I say and close my eyes tightly. "Uhm, he was my first kill."

"That's why you like killing predators," He confirms. 

"Yes, I don't want anyone to endure that type of fear."

With a small beat of silence, my heart feels clearer, he suddenly straddles my waist and leans down to my face. Kissing my cheek he whispers, "You're the strongest person I've ever met."

A smile grazes my features and I focus solely on him, once again a huge stone has been released from my heart. Xavier knows exactly what I need, he is perfect. Kissing my other cheek, "You're worth everything in this fucked up world."

Kissing my forehead where a flutter travels into my pounding heart, "And fuck if I don't get to love you like this for the rest of my life, I will be a dead man."

"W-What?" I get out when my eyes widen. 

"You will never be alone in this world again, Eloisa," He speaks sincerely, kissing my lips this time and leaving me completely breathless. "I will never allow you to be alone, to fend off your demons or work together with them, you will never be alone again. Because I fucking love you."

My heart pounds in my chest, his words are spoken with such confidence and it has my eyes tearing up again. 

Fuck, I'm a mess. 

But he apparently loves this mess. 

My emotions towards this man compile together, from him holding me and helping my anxiety attack in the club, to him helping me away from the party that night, to him offering me a place to stay and cooperate with my purposes. To these moments, where he showers me with affection and shows me how much we mean to each other. 

How my world stopped spinning by seeing him in a hospital bed. 

"I love you, Xavier," I whisper with a smile playing on my lips. "Shit if I know when it happened, but you mean so goddamn much to me and I never want to be alone again. Not when I've had a taste of being here with you."

My eyes urgently try to adjust to the darkness, and I'm granted the gorgeous sight of his euphoric smile. The one that leaves me utterly breathless. He places kisses all over my face and my genuine laughter fills up the dark room, this only encourages him to keep going and I find myself truly happy for once.