Roses And Guns

The Rebirth.

A queen without a king.

My body jerked up. My head was in a painful torment. Bandages. A fuckton of bandages. My head, my hands, my left leg, my abdomen. White. The room I was in, was white. Machines beeping away, proof that I was alive. Not dead. I felt a lot of things, anger, angst, confusion, disbelief. But not hunger.

A boy, around 16 came into my room. He had a charismatic aura, you would always want to be this guys friend. The boy next door. The all American golden boy. Flawless. His eyes, his blue eyes, I knew those eyes. I would never forget them. I felt angry, but also guilty. I swear the universe was playing some sick joke on me. I drove this boy away. I started making my life a hellhole when I blocked him out of my life. All because of him.

"Aidan?" I groaned, my throat felt dry, as if I hadn't had water in days. Looking at myself, I probably didn't. Aidan looked over to me with a bewildered expression

"Alessia, you- your'e awake! Oh please dont ever scare me like that Bella. Couldn't you have watched your step? Tripping on stairs? Really Alessia??"

Bella. The last time he called me Bella, I was still a young ambitious girl. I had the world at my feet. I was not hungry. I was truly alive.

"Uhh Aidan, what- what year is it?" I asked him, confusion laced in my voice.

"Uhm 2006? Are you ok? Do you remember your name? Wait I just said your name, do you remember your birthday?"

2006. Sophomore year. The year I met him. 10 years before I decided to give up everything for a man that would break me. My ruin started in 2006. I had been given a second chance to redo my life. To make amends. I had to start with Aidan and my parents. I would not waste my life away for love this time around. I had to plan and had to execute.

"Yes Aidan, I do. I am sorry I got paranoid for a second there"

"Oh oh ok, wait lemme call your mom. Should I call your dad?"

The last time dad ever picked up my call was a couple weeks before he and mom were murdered. As I got to know later on, he made me sign a different contract.He fucked me over. My best friend fucked me over, and ran over me with a motherfucking truck of lies and deception. He got all of my parents assets. He killed them, and they hated me. I was a disappointment to my parents. I got no formal education, never used my skills, but only chased after an illusion. An illusion of love. Not anymore. I will make my parents proud.

"Yeah call my parents, please. I need to see them."

I need to see my parents looking at me with love. Admiration. Adoration. Even if I made a mistake, even if I no longer believe in love for myself, I know that once, once they loved me. They cared for me. Once upon a time, I hadn't failed them. And I needed to see it, on their faces.

"Alright. You wait here. I'll let them know" Aidan said, happiness and something else, swirling in his eyes. In my past lifetime, he confessed his love for me a couple months before I married him. At that time, I was knee deep in love and chose to block him out. I refused to see him, talk to him, text him. I refused any contact with him. He moved abroad and left me with him. When I really needed Aidan, he wasn't here. Though, I can never blame him. I never realised I actually cared for him, until it was too late. With hunger and anger, as my last thoughts, I also thought of him. His smile, his goofy character. His ginger hair. Everything about him. I knew I loved him, but it was too late. I was in denial, but this time around, I would love myself enough before I decide to love someone else.

This time, I will be a motherfucking queen without a king.