Roses And Guns

I'm Leaving

So am I, love. So am I.

After our little moment, we sat down on the bed and talked. Talked about everything and nothing. We avoided talking about college though. I gathered enough courage to ask Aidan about where he's going. He still doesn't know which college will I be choosing. We do need to talk.

"So Aidan" I hesitated how to go about this

"So Alessia" Always fucking flirty and playful. "What did you uh- think of college?"

His grin faltered for a moment before he spoke up,

"We've been avoiding it for too long eh? Its time we talk about it."

"Yeah- yeah we do need to talk"

"So uh I applied into a couple universities for business courses. I also applied to Harvard and Stanford and I got in Stanford, I got rejected from Harvard by the way, but uh-"

"What- what happened?" Worry laced in every word of mine

"I got in a university famous for its business courses, it's the best in the world really, but it's in Italy. I'm leaving."

Silence. A million thoughts went on in my head. Italy, he's going to fucking Italy. That should make me angry, the fact that he's leaving, but all I felt was this bittersweet feeling. I was so so happy for this guy that after a solid 30 seconds, I screamed

"AHHHH THATS SO COOL BRUH. THE BEST IN THE WORLD?? THATS SO CRAZY. IM SO PROUD OF YOU LOVE. I CANNOT THIS IS SUCH A GOOD NEWS YOU CAGNA WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME EARLIER YOU PUSSY ASS BITCH??"

"I- uh- I- I didn't think you would uh- react this way- wha-what??" His eyes widened, probably in fear. 

"How would I have reacted? Angry?? I mean sure, you will have to live in another continent, and yes im a little sad by that sure, but babe, this is your life. When I had that talk with you 2 years ago, I said that I wanted to give you your freedom. I wanted you to discover the world by your own lenses. I can't take this away from you, I won't. It's not mine. And honestly, I would really suggest you going to Italy." I was smiling sadly at him, but at the last sentence, his eyebrows shot up

"Why? You dont like me here?"

"Well nooo- but thats not the point. First off, you really love Italy, it would treat you well. Also, since you know the language, living there wouldn't be as bad, and living in a different culture is an amazing experience. I want that for you!" I was genuinely happy for him.

I loved him. And since I loved him, I wanted the best for him. A couple years ago, I wouldn't be this way. A couple years ago I would have believed that this was giving up on our love or that I wasn't fighting to be together. He and I would be obsessive over each other. But we had time to grow. My actions had a reason back then. This was the result. I knew that if we had started dating in sophomore year, this- this would have been a thousand times worse. We have different dreams, different goals. And to fulfil them, we need to grow, alone. Not apart, just alone. Thats not a bad thing though, that is just what self growth is. We need to be independent before we become dependent, so that in case we do grow apart, we can be by ourselves, be enough for ourselves.

"Thank so much love, I don't even-" He sighed in relief. He looked almost the same as me, he didn't want to leave but he was excited for what came next in his life. So was I.

"On a serious note though, Aidan, since sophomore year, when I rejected the idea of dating, since then you've not dated and I haven't either, but Aidan, you are going to Italy. And-" I took a deep breathe and continued.

"And if you find someone, that makes you happy. That you love. Someone that you care about, please do not let me hold you back. Please. I want for you to have a good life, just being in your life is more than enough for me. Please, just follow your heart. University is going to be tough and if you need someone to lean on, and I am not there, do not stop yourself from finding someone who will be."