Roses And Guns

Waiting

I know he deserves someone better than me, so I need time to be that someone.

After school got over, Aidan drove me to his place since his sister had a small birthday party and wanted me there. Ashling is literally the cutest kid ever. In my last lifetime, after I blocked Aidan from my life, ashling blocked me. I didn't care. At least I pretended to. Later on she moved abroad to live in the same city as him. She was a famous fashion designer. She went on to do great things. I was proud of her, I will forever be. Since I loved her so much, I started calling her 'lil tot' something that only I called her.

It was our thing.

As I entered his house, which wasn't really a house, a mansion more so, I greeted his dad, he treated me like his own. I loved his parents. Both of us went into the kitchen, searching for his mom, she made the best Irish Stew. Even better than my dad, and he was born and brought up in Ireland.

As soon as we entered the kitchen, Aidans mom looked at us with the most comfy smile. You would immediately feel at home with that smile. When she saw Aidans smile, which only me and her could figure out, was fake, she knew something was up.

"Hi mamaí" (Mama)

"Hello baby boy. What happened?"

"Uh uhhh nothing, everything is just peachy, I'll go find Ashy, ok? See you in a minute" And he literally ran off.

"What happened Alessia, and dont tell me its nothing"

"Well, Maria, the umm the thing is that-"

"Spit it out baby, this is my boy we are talking about, what happened"

"We uh we kissed."

Shock. Happiness. Excitement.

Confusion. Disbelief. Shock.

Her face changed emotions so quick, I was a little scared.

"Why is he- why is he like that? Why is he sad?"

"You gotta sit down for this one."

I told her everything from Austin's remarks to the kiss to the talk we had in our spot. She was a second mother to me, I couldn't hide anything from her even if I tried.

"Alessia- I- I dont know what to say. I dont even know if I should say this, but he knew about his feelings since he was 13, he's been in love with you for more than 6 years now. I mean I do respect your point of view but- I mean, I dont know-"

"Maria, well the thing is, I love him too, I love him too much. And that is the problem"

"How- What? How is that the problem?"

"Aidan is the one for me, you know. I will forever love him, there's nothing that can stop me from doing so, but I just- the love I have for him, its overwhelming. Its too much, it hurts. Its not healthy. For me to truly love him, to truly think the best for him, to support him in everything, to be with him throughout our lifetime, I need to love myself too. I need to make something out of myself, HE needs to make something out of himself. We are too young, even though if I had to marry someone today, I would elope with him-" She chuckled at that.

"It wouldn't be fair. It's not that I want to explore more options or anything, I just need to build myself up. I need to be someone strong. He's an ambitious boy, he deserves someone better than me."

"No honey, thats where you are wrong, you see-"

"No Maria, I know he deserves someone better than me, so I need time to be that someone. I need to be what he deserves. I am not what he deserves today, but I will be the woman that will help him grow, that will make him happy. I deserve someone better than him, Maria. But I dont want anyone but him. I need him to be the guy that will be there for me, that will help me grow. I dont want anyone but him. I am also giving him the time to be my someone. I dont know if its selfish or not- Im scared that I will loose him, im putting my everything at risk here, but I just- I think this the best thing I can do for him and myself"

There was a pause for a solid 30 seconds where I thought she would start hating me. As if sensing my fear, she said:

"You know young lady, I think you are the best thing that will ever happen to my boy and us. You are way too mature. I respect what you have to say. But dont, even for a minute think that I will hate you. I love you baby. Yeah? I'm sure he will wait for you till the end of the world. Take your time, be someone, we will all be waiting."

"Thank you Maria, you dont even know how much that means to me."

This was too emotional. I need an Irish stew. Or two.

Suddenly a tiny 8 year old grabbed my leg

"ALESSIA YOU ARE HERE. I MISSED YOU"

I lifted the little bundle of joy in my arms.

"I missed you too lil tot, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BY THE WAY YOU ARE 8 HUH? BIG GIRL! but I couldn't see you because I had an owie so I couldn't come. Your mama, papa and bubba visited me at the hospital and at home, why didn't you come?" I glared at her playfully,

"I- I made a friend, we were playing"

"You forgot about me lil tot?" I said in fake hurt voice, putting my right hand over my heart.

"No- NO No sia, i didn't- i still love you, please dont be mad. I'm sorry I'll visit you everyday now" She said, fear laced in her voice. This was too funny.

"You PROOMISE?"

"I promise. I'll make sure bubba brings me to you from now, he goes to see you almost everyday, and when I ask him to take me, he says he will next time. ITS BEEN WEEKS SIA. HE LIES. ITS BECAUSE OF BUBBA NOT ME"

I fake gasped. This is truly hilarious. I looked over at Aidan, rubbing his neck, clearly uncomfortable with everyone looking at him.

"Well lil tot, its time to teach him a lesson am I right?"

"YES SIA. LETS BEAT HIM!"

"Ashling, no- thats not- I MEANT GO RUN AFTER HIM HES RUNNING AWAY. CATCH HIM"

We ran towards Aidan, giggling and laughing. His parents looked at us in adoration. I loved this. I was happy. This is nice.

I will never let them slip away. I will be his someone