Roses And Guns

Go

hi. so, I am having a problem with completing the story, so I wrote this. Anyways, I put a lot of effort to move the story forward while keeping the subplot alive, but I think this particular chapter focuses more on Aidan and Alessia. Next chapter, we will start with moving the plot forward and completing the story. Also, keep in mind, Alessia is high in this chapter. She is on meds, although she has almost no physical effects of meds and drugs, her mind goes a little haywire. She thinks a lot. thank you for almost 15k reads. love love :)

____________________________xoxo_________________________________________

I have been sitting on this bed for hours now, it is becoming more exhausting by the second. I haven't heard from Aidan in days and no one is telling me anything. I know Sean knows where he is, he comes to visit me every day, but only when I'm asleep. I want to talk to him, to ask him, why? And I want to know where Aidan is, I want to talk to him, I want him, here. How am I supposed to be ok without knowing how HE is- especially the way he got to know about the mafia, it was wrong, to him. Unfair.

I've been thinking, I tend to do that a lot when I'm alone. Humans have believed that the universe is a physical entity and they often say that 'the universe brought us together or something similar to that- Well, obviously, the universe cannot be in one physical form, I mean, what would it entail? The solar system? All the stars? All the galaxies? Everything beyond that? It's just- a little too much to be condensed into one- being. 

But what if, all the forces and energies in the world and beyond, had one source? One source that controlled history and the future. One source of power, a power so intense that no individual can garner it. What if the universe does decide who to bring together or who to be left alone- when to make someone fall in love and then- get out of it?

I started writing when I was on the hospital bed. The doctors suggested, or rather, threatened, not to use any device. A well-deserved break from my company would cost me millions, but it's fine, I'll make double of what I lose with Aidan's contract.

Fucking Aidan.

I wrote something, when I was thinking about him, I think a lot, but I barely even pen what I think. I never think-aloud too, I just let the thoughts come and go- flow by, passively. I make no effort to actively think, I believe that would be a waste of my time. My thoughts often make no sense, but that's okay too. Recently, I realised that in case something like this happens again, and Aidan or anyone for that matter, would not be able to save me, then, well, I would have one other option- die. In case I do die, what would happen? I mean, I gave birth to a legacy, I changed habits of the whole world, I gave myself a 360. I am what I envied my last life. But- other than that, the things someone can see, and get material gain from. What am I? My thoughts that I so easily let go of, are what I am. 

They are me, and I let myself go. I don't seek myself out. I want something tangible that is a part of me. Without which I am incomplete, my story is unfinished, and that is- what I think. What I want to say but I more often than not, shy out of saying. So, I picked up a pen and started writing. It took me a lot of time, with a rib fracture and all, but I did it. It wasn't a masterpiece, just things that made no sense, especially right now, under the influence of pain meds, they make me go dizzy, and everything seems philosophical. I haven't thought this deeply about anything since I was a kid.

As soon as I wrote my last word and closed the diary, the door opened. My heartbeat plummeted, is he here? Finally? I realised that I was begging for him, something I believed I wouldn't do ever in my life. Guess I was wrong, I would beg for him, even when I'm something of my own.

Jason came in, barging all doors. Making a little too much noise for it to be normal for him, or my poor ears.

"There you fucking are." He said, exasperated, out of breath. A second later, a huffing Elijah came into the room,