Roses And Guns

fuck, allan-

no, really that's the title. this is like half a chapter. my finals start on the 7th of march and I'm about to fall off a cliff /j 

anywho, ITS MY BIRTHDAY! its actually on 25 Feb, so its like 3 mins before my actual birthday where I live- it's probably 24 somewhere and 26 somewhere- do not get confused, I need books delivered to me on the 25th. that's the date, mark it in your calendars with the title 'national holiday' 

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"Fuck Allan, what-"

I said while lowering my knife. "Yes, yes I scared you good. Now, work, I controlled most of the losses. You had to get into this shit the week we had all the investors and public stake holdings lined up, wonderful kiddo"

"I don't control what stupid people do Allan. Although I might be able to control Aidan and his stupid bottles"

"Mhmm heartbreak, thats something I never thought he would have to go through"

"Its not heartbreak allan, I said I loved him and he went crazy- not in a nice way by the way"

"Its not the 'I love you' that made me lash out you know, he thinks you are being dishonest"

"How do you even-"

"Elijah has a big mouth. And the walls are thin in that stinky hospital"

"YOU WERE AT THE HOSPITAL?" I said while standing up,

"Yes yes your father has a big mouth too. Now sit"

I huffed by agreed to sit down, it did sort of hurt my ankle. "So you know?" "Yes I know, and to be fair, I would not blame you if you want to enter the mafia world, I mean that option is always ready for you right? And that might be more appealing to you-"

"Do you even know me? I dont want to kill, I want to make. I make things, I love to create. Mafia kills. I dont, and with the option of joining it, I have the option of never talking about it again until I HAVE to. I can substitute that as well. As of now, I need the support of the mafia, I won't let them go, but as soon as its all done, I'll be a monetary support. No discussions about throat slicing please"

"You know thats not what- Nevermind. As I was saying, its not the expression of love that he fears or hates. You hid various things from him for multiple years, how does he know that you aren't saying 'I love you' just so he can stay?"

"Because I've said it before, and ive stayed. I always stayed. He left, that was his choice. He left and I stayed and I'll always stay."

We fell silent after that. I wasn't angry at Aidan for leaving, not in a million years, but his anger- at me- thats uncalled for. I mean I know that he would have reacted the same way I did. Maybe even worse by not telling me at all, and I honestly believe that in my last life, he knew. He knew about the mafia and left to lead the Irish. No body told me because they knew what I fucking dumbo I was. I would have told Austin-

Shit.

If I wasn't told about the mafia, it was because no one trusted me, although they had good reasons for it. What if Aidan feels like Sean didn't tell him- or I- didn't tell him because he was unworthy to know about it-

Fucking stupid shit I-

As I started to put everything together, everything started to click. He wasn't angry at me, or Sean, he was beating himself up. I dont know why Sean hid it from him, any reason that might be- I can't let him feel worthless, or worse, stupid.

Because when you feel stupid, you act stupid. In his position, that can be catastrophic. 

A/N

I know, tiny ass shit. I know. not worth the wait, I know, but excuse me lil karen, I'm a highschooler, I got shit to do ok

and I got diagnosed with GAD (generalised anxiety disorder) so that's funnn 

ok bye ahaha

next chapter is going to be so good tho I promise