three hearts in one home (l.s.)

13. Takeaway and tears

I feel a little tired the next day, the couch really isn’t the most comfortable but I won’t have to sleep there for much longer.

If everything goes well at the check in the hospital tomorrow, Louis should be able to get out of bed again and take care of Jonah mostly by himself.

I didn’t cook today, we ordered takeaway at some Chinese restaurant. When the food arrived, Louis at just a little before heading to bed, he looked really tired.

Me and Jonah sit down in front of the television to watch the series again and I have to admit I’m getting invested because the red dog won’t stop stealing from the others.

“So mean”, Jonah shouts with full mouth and stuffs another spring roll into his mouth.

“I know”, I say and roll some noodles onto my fork, “He really is an idiot.”

Jonah gasps a little at that. “Don’t say that. Daddy says you can’t say idiot or fuck or asshole. He says it but I can’t say it.”
He rolls his eyes a little and I snort, I definitely know where he got that from.

“Yeah, that’s unfair, I know. Us adults are allowed more stuff than you are.” Jonah scoffs and then concentrates on the screen again, accepting that he just can’t use those words.

When I tugged Jonah in and read the next chapter of his book, I decide to check in on Louis again, just in case he needs something. I don’t knock because he’s probably already asleep.

I push down the handle quietly and open the door just a little.

“Oh”, is all I say when I see him sitting on his bed, face wet with tears, “I’m sorry.”

I don’t know what to do, I don’t know whether to sit down and talk to him or if I should quickly leave again, pretending it never happened. I don’t do any of it but just keep standing in the doorway, waiting for him to talk.

“Don’t worry about it”, Louis mumbles, “It’s okay.”
He quickly wipes the tears from his cheeks and tries to smile what doesn’t exactly look convincing.

“I’m sorry”, I repeat myself and take a step into the room, “I would’ve knocked, I thought you already were asleep.”

He shakes his head and I close the door behind me, knowing I’ll try to talk to him. “Don’t apologize, it’s nothing anyways.”

When I don’t say anything he grins. “Were you gonna watch me while I sleep?”

We chuckle but I stop laughing and finally walk to his bed and sit down next to him.
“Are you okay, love?”

He nods quickly, his smile having faded and his eyes still a little puffy.
“Yes.” He stops talking but I could here his voice breaking a little at the end of the word.

“If you want me to listen, I would.”
I don’t know what it is that makes him cry again but when I say this, there’s another tear rolling down his face and he tries to hide it by looking away.

“Fuck, Harry, stop being so nice to me. You don’t even know me, we’ve met a few months ago. You can’t do this to me, shit, I need to handle this on my own.”

Before he keeps talking, I grab his hand and intertwine our fingers to calm him down a little. He stares at our fingers now and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down.
“It’s okay, Louis.”

He shakes his head and lets go of my hand what hurts a little, if I’m being honest.

“It’s not okay, not at all. My mum died half a year ago today and fuck, I should be doing better. I didn’t even realize what bad of a father I am until she died. She did so much for me, I am incapable of raising J, I can’t do anything by myself and when I moved here to finally get over her death, I got into a fucking accident and everything just got worse so I now have to rely on someone I can’t even expect to be there for me because we didn’t even know each other before this, fuck, if you weren’t there Jonah would be in foster care right now and-“