Until You.

Chapter Fourteen.

I've gone back to not sleeping, as it should be. Sleep is a waste of time, it leaves you vulnerable in ways that I'm not comfortable with. I'm tired again, but not only with sleep deprivation but tired of everything.

And I'd rather feel like that then feel hopeful in things, because that is how you get disappointed.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a knock on the door, behind it was Calla, the one and only.

"Hey Lexie, how ya been?" He said somewhat sympathetically.

I rolled my eyes, "What do you want." It was more of a statement to let him know that I didn't want him there, less of an actual question.

But of course I wanted him here, I wanted him and Rova, and even Jayden here. But I simply couldn't allow myself to get close to Jayden again, not when I couldn't trust my own vulnerability around him.

But Rova and Calla never did anything wrong, why am I punishishment them? No, it's not a punishment, I'm helping them. This is good for them, better.

I'm happier when I'm alone, I always was, right?

Besides, Rova and Calla come in a package deal so I couldn't take one and not the other, not that I could ever choose anyway.

"You haven't been answering anybody's texts recently, I wanted to come check on you." He said, stepping into my room.

"I don't need a babysitter, Calla. Fuck off." The harsher, the better.

Calla sighed, "What's going on with you, Alex?"
Every word, every question he asked made me more and more angry. Not at him specifically, but everything. The thought that I had hurt him and Rova, hurt me especially. I never wanted to cause them pain, but they were better off without me.

"Nothing, Calla. Just leave."
He still didn't leave, he leaned back onto my desk and just stared me in the eye.

"You know you can talk to us- me and Rova- right? I know things between you and Jayden didn't work out but that doesn't mean-"

"SHUT UP! God. You people can't just leave a person alone. So what? So what if I didn't answer your texts or I don't go and get drunk with you guys anymore. That doesn't mean I'm on the edge of killing myself, and don't deny it because I know you're all thinking it." I yelled, Calla flinching back at my words.

He didn't deny anything, he knew that it was true. They all really did think I was suicidal again, and the truth is...is that I was. But I didn't admit that to myself, I wouldn't.

"Alex, please. We just- we miss you." His voice broke.

I bit my tongue, I couldn't give in. After this, we would truly be over with. They would move on and find a better best friend than me, and I was fine with that. I needed to be fine with that.

"Get over it. I'm not coming back to your little friend group, you can all go fuck yourselves and leave me the hell alone. I'm better off without you all."

I wasn't better off without them, they were better off without me. A very big difference between the two statements.

Calla didn't say anything else, he just nodded and was obviously trying not to cry. He left the room quietly and shut the door gently behind him.

I immediately sank to the floor and brought my hands to my face, sobbing messily into them.

I couldn't stop.

The tears kept going, I felt like I couldn't breathe.

But this time, Calla wasn't here to help me regain my breath. I was alone, just as I had wished. I'm happier, right?

***

I woke up the next morning, it was going to be the first day I go back to class since I got into a fight.

I quickly dressed into my uniform, leaving my red tie undone and just hanging around my neck lazily.

I had gotten a phone call the night before from Tony saying that I had to go to class and that I couldn't skip anymore because it would put me in risk of having to repeat the semester.

Surprisingly, I listened. Tony was the only person I had left, of course that was my fault but it's okay.
I am most definitely happier now.

I skipped breakfast, as I normally do and went straight to homeroom.

Of course I waited until the last possible minute to get to class, not wanting to spend any extra time there than I had to.

My hair was a mess, the brown fluff sticking in different directions. Eye Bags heavier than ever and my hollow cheeks were more noticeable than usual. Which explains the stares I got when I walked into the room. It was either that, my fight from last week, or still drama from the leak.

The teacher looked at me as I walked in, her face held pity. Because apparently even the teachers knew about my past life.

I sighed and began my walk to the back of the class, noticing three familiar faces that stared at me sadly.

Rova, Calla, and Jayden.

Their teacher must not be here today so they probably got put in this class as a backup.

I made brief eye contact with all of them before looking away and sitting down in the only available chair at the table behind them.

"So Alex, since you haven't been here for a couple days because of your fight, there is a link that I emailed to you with all your missing work. But all the work from the week before that, that you were absent because of the...thing that happened... is up on my desk. Collect it after class." The teacher spoke.

I clenched my jaw and nodded. Did she really need to include the reasons why I was out? Couldn't she just have handed me the work and moved on?

"When she says, 'thing that happened' she's talking about the news reports and stuff about your daddy fucking you, incase you didn't know." A guy to my right said, loud enough for everyone around us to hear but not the teacher.

"Yeah, I thought that was obvious, didn't you? Fucking dumbass." I shot back.

He smiled, "Do you miss him– your dad?"
I rolled my eyes, "Shut up, will you?""
But he continued, "Hey whatever happened to your mum? Did your dad rape her too-"

"Hey do you mind shuting the fuck up? Some of us, prefer not to listen to the annoying screech of your voice every second of every day." Rova said as he turned around. Though he wasn't talking to me, he was defending me. I couldn't see why, after I had avoided them all they still...cared?

I bit my cheek and glared into the floor, refusing to make eye contact with anyone else for the rest of the period.

WORD COUNT: 1168

Poor calla