It doesn't end well...

21- Emotions Are For Children

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🚫 WARNING: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS WILL BE IN THIS CHAPTER. IF YOU'RE NOT COMFORTABLE READING IT PLEASE SKIP IT. SORRY. THANK YOU.
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DAPHNE

I'm sitting on the floor, crying. I'm a mess. Nothing makes sense. Everything...I can't believe I forgot that my parents' accident was because of me. Because I got into an argument with them. That isn't even what hurt the most, it's the fact that my life is meaningless and pathetic. I knew I had no reason to live after their deaths and so I created this bubble in my head about how Caspian was the cause of their death but...he wasn't.

I only invested my time looking for a killer because I didn't know what else to do with my life. How pathetic! I'm pathetic. My life is pathetic. Now, I have no reason to live. My existence is useless. I have nothing. I can't...

I thought I wanted to find out the truth about my parents but I just wanted...needed a reason to live.

I feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, my throat burning, and my chest tight, I just don't know what to do. I just want to breathe...I just want to forget.

The years spent researching were useless. I am useless. I'm crazy and sick! How could my subconscious feed me such a lie? And how did I accept this lie as truth?

"You're not crazy" Dagon's voice rumbles as he presses me against his chest. Maybe it's because his arms are so comforting or maybe it's because no one has ever been with me when I was low but I cry harder.

"It's hard...it's just so h-hard" I choke out. My throat is burning. I just want everything to stop.

My parents are dead.
They died because of me.
They caused me emotional and mental damage but I desperately wanted to believe their death was planned.
I should have moved on but I couldn't... because I'm pathetic.
I was so lonely, my subconscious created a lie.
Now, the lie has been exposed...the pain I was escaping is here.
I'm alone.
Without purpose.

I finally stopped crying, I finally calmed down. My head is still buried in his chest and he is still here. Why? He does so much for me and acts like I mean nothing. It isn't supposed to hurt but it does and I hate it.

"Daphne" he speaks. Instinctively, I pull my head away from his chest and look at him.

"As easily as I helped you remember, I can help you forget."

He can compel me to forget. I should forget. The pain. The emptiness. The loneliness. Everything.

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I stare at the tray of food in front of me. Sighing softly, I play with the bedsheets. I hear the door open but I don't look up to see who it is. I honestly don't care.

"Miss, you still haven't eaten?"

"I'm not hungry"

"You've said the same thing for two days, you don't look so good"

Hopefully, my body will shut down and stop working, and the brightness that I see all around me, the brightness that seems to be in everyone else's life but mine will turn into darkness.

My hands are clasped tightly together because I don't know myself. I thought of just grabbing the knife that lay still on the tray and slicing open my wrist...I am scared I actually will.

My mind is a scary place, if it could make me forget and make me believe anything, what more can it do?

If I die, will it hurt? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe I should find out.

"Daphne? What happened?"

Oh. No. Not everyone asking me.

I smile.

"What do you mean? I just remembered my parents and my mood changed. I'm fine" I'm not.

"At least you're a better liar than Dagon ever was. I see right through you"

Of course. She did. Alma is a vampire. A wise one too.

"Hmm...I really don't want to talk. I want to just sleep" I mumble.

"Okay, I'll let you rest but tonight, you're dining with the rest of us"

I nod.

I stare at the tray of food in front of me. At least this food has a purpose, to satisfy hunger but me. Staying with the vampires is useless because I don't belong here. Returning to the human realm will kill me. The loneliness will choke me and swallow me whole. I just want everything to stop.

DAGON

I couldn't see her. I didn't dare see her for two days. I shouldn't have helped her remember. The way she cried and yelled and suddenly became numb is a sight I never want to see again. I want her to smile, her laugh, her frown...not her tears.

"Dagon, I said she's coming down for dinner. Don't be so tense"

When I watched her from her window, she looked so empty. I just want to help her. Take her pain away. Somehow. Anyhow.

I stand up from the chair and make my way toward her room. I push open the door and she's sitting on the bed, her hair cascades down her shoulders and her eyes are fixated on her wrist. In her other hand is a knife.

What the hell?!

"Daphne?! Put the knife down!" I demand. My heartbeat quickens.

She looks up at me.

"Dagon...I'm tired. I'm in so much pain, it makes me want to die" her voice shakes.

"I said put it down!"

I move cautiously toward her, I don't want her to freak out and cut herself.

"If I die, then I won't feel anything."

"Listen to me, Daphne, you are so strong and I know it. I've seen it. You lost your parents, you were alone in this world and it broke you but instead of giving up...you fed yourself a lie because you wanted to survive. You were in pain but you wanted to live and you found a reason to live." I feel fear attack me, all I can think of is what would happen if she slits her wrist.

"Why?"

"What?" I ask.

"Why are you here? Why are you telling me this? Why are you trying to make me feel better?"

"Because I can't lose you"

AUTHOR'S NOTE

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