Diary entry 48

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October 9, 2019

Dear Diary,

Today, I find myself in a mix of emotions as I write to you about the vacation I have planned with Taehyung. I've taken a month-long leave from the office, though I know I won't be joining back after this one is over. Time and destiny have different plans for me, but I try not to dwell on that.

Convincing Taehyung about the vacation was not easy. He's become suspicious lately, and he wanted me to tell him what's bothering me. But I've promised myself not to burden him with my pain..... Not at least till I can't hide it anymore.

So, I lied and told him that the doctor advised me to stay away from the computer screen due to migraines. Why not take full benefit of the situation and go on a vacation, right? It was tough to lie to him, but I know it's for the best.

My condition is stable for now, thanks to the medicines. It gives me some comfort to know that the symptoms are in check, and I can keep things hidden from Taehyung. I'll do anything to keep him safe from pain, at least for a little longer. I feel bad for deceiving him, but I want to shield him from the truth until I can't anymore.

Yeontan is sitting beside me as I write this, as if he knows what I'm putting down on paper. Taehyung is in the other room, packing a few things for our vacation. I insisted that Yeontan comes with us this time. I want to cherish every moment with my little family.

It's hard to accept that maybe this is how it was destined to be. I was given one year to spend with Taehyung, and perhaps God has planned something better for him afterward. But I can only see pain, hurt, grief, and tears in Taehyung's life without me. It breaks my heart to even think about it.

From now on, I want to capture every beautiful moment of my life. I want to write every night, but I don't know if I'll get the chance. When Taehyung is around, I forget everything and become greedy for his love and attention. I want to be in his arms forever, but I also want him to be happy.

I wish I could do something. I feel so helpless.

I'll cherish every moment of this vacation with Taehyung and Yeontan. I'll try to forget the uncertainty of my future and just be present in the love we share. I know I might not get to write for long, but I promise to make every second count.

With love and hope,

Jungkook

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