𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐍✔️

ELEVEN|FORCE

"I LOVE YOU, Arden."

He lied. Love should not have hurt like this.

Love did not manifest itself in broken bones and bloodshot eyes, in sleepless nights and hateful words, or heavy fists and lilac scars. This was not love. This had never been love. This would never be love.

"I hate you." My voice was scarcely a whisper, muffled by the blood slowly pooling beneath my tongue; metallic and sharp. And it was the truth. I hated him. I hated him with every aching fibre of my being. He had ruined me.

My life could have and would have been perfect if it wasn't for him. I remembered what my life was like before...

I was the Alpha's daughter.

Some nights I would lay awake, thinking of what once was, though try as I might my memories had faded beyond the point of repair. If I tried hard enough, I could just about recall their faces. By now my older brother, Xavier, would've taken over as Alpha of the pack.

Some nights I tried to imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't gone out for a run that night all those years ago. Where would I be now?

"My dearest darling love, you do not hate me." I was brought back to the harsh reality by the low growl of my captor. He tried his best to sound soothing as he dragged the back of his hand down my cheek, but the more he tried the more he sounded like a wolf in sheep's clothing; teeth gnashing and poised behind the fluffy facade.

I raised my head to look at him. "I will always hate you."

He smiled for a moment, showing a taste of canines that were sharp and grey. "Do not lie to me, Arden."

I spat in his face.

Then in an instant, my head flew back with the force of his fist, colliding with the stone floor with a sickening crack. It took a heartbeat for the pain to pierce through the adrenaline, but when it came it hit me like a freight train.

"You love me!" He roared, his eyes black, wild. No semblance of sanity remained and flecks of spit flew from his mouth. "Tell me you love me!"

Bile rose in my throat, bitter and vile and awful in every way as he landed a second strike to my face and my vision flashed black. I spluttered and gasped for air, tasting blood and seeing red. "No."

I didn't hear what he said after that, or maybe I had but couldn't remember. For after that I long lost count of the strikes, lilac fading blue fading black.

It didn't hurt anymore. The pain felt distant as if I was watching it inflicted upon someone else. Through someone else's eyes.

I felt numb. I felt nothing. I felt oddly peaceful.

Was this what dying felt like? I hoped so.

I hoped that this time when I closed my eyes, I wouldn't wake up.

"ARDEN, PLEASE LISTEN, it's me — you're okay — you're safe."

Suddenly I felt awake as though electricity pulsed through my veins. The voice was low, familiar, yet more panicked than usual.

"Lumen... I don't know what happened... Yes, she's still — no I didn't mean to! — Please, just get here quick, she needs you."

The air was colder here, fresh and tinted navy blue with dying light. My breaths were shallow and raged as I rocked back and forth, head pressed firmly against my knees and my arms wrapped tightly around my legs. If I were to let go... I would crumble irreparably. The fragments of my heart would shatter like tiny glass splinters, wounding me from the inside out. There would be no salvation once my demons were done with me.

This was a whole new world of pain, ascending far beyond that of which any beating could ever offer or inflict. Torn flesh would heal to leave scars, but a torn heart would never heal.

Maybe it was my fault, it must have been. I was the common denominator in every grievance I had ever known. There was a shift in the air, however faint, and a new scent mingled amongst my blue. Like lemon grass and sage.

" — Lumen." I croaked, red-rimmed eyes scanning the blurry room.

"Shh, it's okay." She was with me at once. " — I'm here."

She took me into her arms, and for once I let her, letting her warmth seep into me and soothe my aching bones.

"It's okay, he's gone — Kaden's gone. It's just you and me."

I stayed there for what felt like years, crying in a ball whilst Lumen tried desperately to console me, but how could she?

How could she even attempt to help me when she didn't know what the problem was. I took a deep breath before taking the plunge.

"They... T-they hurt me." I whispered, my voice breaking and erupting into another chorus of pitiful sobs, and I felt her tense behind me. "They touched me Lumen."

"Who?" She held me at arm's length, staring into my eyes with a fire I had never seen from her before. "Arden, who touched you?" Her voice was low; dangerous. Her wolf was close to the surface and scarcely contained, whilst mine coward back into the depths of my mind, at even the thought of confessing what I had been through.

"The monsters."

LUMEN KNEW.

Her face paled and the wicked mix of sorrow and rage radiated from her in suffocated waves that filled my lungs. I feared I may drown. I had told her, and now she knew.

She knew everything. And now, she would never look at me the same way again.

"Arden I'm so sorry — ," She began but I cut her off, shaking my head.

"Don't. There is nothing to be sorry about. It's something that happened a long time ago, and no one can change that."

She eyed me cautiously, "Are you going to tell Kaden?"

"No." I replied a bit too hastily, "He can't find out. Lumen promise me you won't tell him." I'm sure she saw the panic in my wide eyes, begging her to keep my past a secret from her own blood.

"...Arden, don't you think he deserves to know?" She coaxed, and I knew that she was right. He deserved to know the untamed harlot that he had been bound to.

But I was a coward, and a selfish one too at that. I always had been. I kept secrets, I took, I ran.

My basic instincts for survival, deeply ingrained into my being.

But they were selfish instincts. Because I was selfish.

A part of me wanted to burn the secrets of my past so that Kaden would never find out. So that we could keep him to ourselves. I wished that I could put them away, neatly tucked and folded into a box, and that to be where they would stay. Forever untouched and undiscovered. Never to be seen again.

"I'll tell him eventually, just not now. Not yet. — Please Lumen, just promise me you won't tell him, not until I'm ready."

She sighed, pressing her lips into a thin line the same way Kaden so often did when he was frustrated. "I promise."