The Long Way Home

Chapter Eighty: Moral Code

This time I'm mistaken
For handing you a heart worth breakin'
And I've been wrong, I've been down
Been to the bottom of every bottle
These five words in my head scream
Are we having fun yet?

Nickleback – How You Remind Me?

It was late and Carson Beckett was drinking. It was unusual to see the dark haired doctor engaging in anything more than a thimble of scotch whenever there was a special occasion but over the past few minutes Elizabeth had stood in the doorway and watched the doctor knock back more than his usual amount of the amber substance. There was something weighing on his conscience, she could tell from the distant stare in his eyes as he sagged in his chair behind his desk.

His shift has finished hours ago and here he was in his own private office trying to chase his demons down with alcohol. Normally he would stay and keep an eye on some of his more serious patients but he didn't have them for them tonight, he only had time for his own woes and worries. His life or at least part of it was spiralling out of control he thought.

He was still an excellent doctor, he tried to be a good friend and a fair boss but the aspect of him that dabbled with Genetics had become wayward and surly. He had never been hit this badly by anything he had worked on before. He had sat through trials, watched patients live and die because he was giving them another shot at life with his research but he had never effected someone close to him.

Seeing Cass in dire straits over the retrovirus that was bubbling away inside her was like watching some painfully slow movie unfolding before his eyes. The scan had shown that the retrovirus had taken over her immune system completely, it was embodied in each and everyone of her cells. It was worse than what had happened to the Colonel, where as they were able to stop the retrovirus progressing with him, it had already run it's course with Cass. He was ashamed to say there was no cure and that the damage was irreparable.

The only good news that had come out of this was the fact that the cells were seemingly dormant. They simply floated around her body quite happily instead of trying to harm her in the same way as John's had. He had told Cass that that was something to be thankful for.

Thankful...

The word had rolled off his tongue sourly as his hand grasped the tumbler even tighter. He shouldn't have tried to tinker with the Wraith DNA, he should have left it well alone, if he had maybe his friends would be intact instead of trying to figure out a way to live with their afflictions. Even though he had believed that sometimes the means satisfied the end, he wasn't sure if he could live with any more consequences stemming from this mess. Too many people had gotten hurt already, people that he cared about.

There was a light rapping on his open door and Carson found himself raising his head and staring into the most intense set of jade coloured eyes he had ever seen.

"Is this seat taken?" Elizabeth asked as she pointed at the patient seat directly across from his desk.

Carson gestured to the chair, tipping his glass towards it as an indication that she should sit down if she wanted. Elizabeth took up the invitation, placing her hands on her lap as she regarded him clearly concerned at the tumbler clasped in his hand.

"You appear to be taking the news harder that Cass is." Elizabeth stated as she settled back in her chair.

"Aye, because it's my bloody fault." Carson said as he sipped the neat whiskey in his glass.

His Scottish accent was more pronounced when he had been drinking Elizabeth noticed, the dialect becoming easier to pick up. She thought he intentionally toned it down around the people of Atlantis so they would understand him more when he spoke. She liked the way the lilt of his accent sounded as he talked, she was used to his calming overtones but she viewed them as somewhat clinical. Carson Beckett was a kind man but he was always taking an emotional step back away to shielded himself from what was happening.