Before She Even Knows

Chapter 45 - God damn you Emma White

NOAH's POV

''I can't believe I'm actually here.'' She says, while standing awkwardly in my living room.

''Why would you say that?'' I ask, while I hand her a glass of water and she sits on my couch.

I smile at her gesture to take off her shoes, not to ruin my fancy as shit leather. She's too adorable for her own good.

''I thought we weren't even going to speak again, let alone that I'd be back in your apartment.''

''Oh please Emma, it's not like I could stay away from you.'' and I mean it. I know I'm saying it with my usual cocky tone, but deep down, I was afraid she wouldn't want me anymore, while I was missing her like crazy.

No, I wasn't just afraid, I was terrified.

I really don't know how I could stay an entire week without her, if I'm being honest. It was incredibly hard, but I had to do it. Even if right now, I'm not sure why.

I knew that she was going to push to know why I broke up with her, of course, I wasn't expecting to break up with her and she'd say "fine by me.", so I had to make her believe that I moved on and didn't care about her anymore.

That's where annoying as fuck Diana helped without even knowing and also that girl from the party.

It was working, even if it was killing me, however, when I saw Emma dancing on that table, I had to do something. Anything, so before I could process the best options, I punched that guy.

I would never, I mean never start a fight, but when it comes to this girl, the girl I'm madly in love with, I lose every sense of judgement that I should have.

Emma White is like a drug. You just can't get enough of her and she'll get you to cross lines you never thought you would.

Punching that douchbag was wrong, but it managed to get me where I actually wanted to be with her. She came running after me, so no matter how angry I was, that was enough for me to know she was as deep into this as I am.

I was afraid that she'd be too angry to even speak to me again, but I wouldn't blame her. It would've been my fault.

I broke up with her, but deep down what I really wanted was the opposite. I wanted more. I always want more with her and I wanted her to know how bad I want to be with her. What I did though was break things off. What was I thinking?

Looking at her gorgeous face right now, I know I was an idiot just for thinking I could ever let her go. I was stupid for thinking that whatever I had in mind would work.

I avoided her the entire week for two reasons. One, I don't think I would be able to see her and pretend I don't love her with everything I have. I know I sound too clingy, but I don't care. I know I became fully aware of my feelings for her that day at the lake, but when we broke up, it's like the whole thing intensified. My need for her just increased.

I couldn't sleep this week, I barely ate anything and she was on my mind all the god damn time. I never thought I'd need anyone, I'm better than that, yet, my heart was in pieces missing her like crazy and the worst part is that I know that I caused it.

The second reason - and also why I broke up with her in the first place - is because I wanted to work on getting the information we need without her being involved. If I could do it, my father would get what he wants and she would be safe from any threats.

I thought that if I broke up with her, I'd be able to protect her, so I didn't lie when I said I did it for her. She doesn't deserve any of this shit.