Just a little crazy (finished)

chapter 16

Warning, mentions of self harm and more... please don't kill me for this chapter...

I laid on my dorm rooms floor, sticky from the blood I was laying in. My hand shook as I lifted it, bringing the knife down onto one of the only free places left on the thighs before I couldn't bring myself to move again. My body went limp, the only sign of me being alive being the slow rise and fall of my chest and steady blinking that once helped the now dry tears fall.

I had made sure to lock my door, one look at my mutilated body would have me sent to a mental hospital. I also sprayed around my room before I started, with the amount of blood that was currently forming, it would be to risky not to spray around.

My vison blurred but I forced myself to stay away, to endure the pain and listen to the screams and whispers that were racking my brain. I deserved it, I deserved it all and much, much more.

That's what they are saying anyway

I could barely move without crying out in pain, my breathing laboured as I slowly lost more blood and I was suddenly grateful Todoroki and bakugou hadn't marked me yet (not that they ever will now) for it would have meant they would have been able to feel my pain, mental and physical. I honestly had no clue how I was still alive, with cuts on every place I could reach- including my neck, wrist, arms, legs, feet, waist, stomach and more- I myself was afraid to look.

The stench of my blood filled my nose and I worried about someone else, whether it be a classmate or teacher, smelling it to. Unlikely considering that they were all in class, (well all but my mates but I knew for certain they weren't close by) but I still couldn't shake of the paranoia. After today they all no doubt believes I'm crazy but seeing this... even I know something is wrong if someone goes through these lengths.

I allow my eyes to close as my vison blurs again, thinking about how my pathetic life had turned into this. I could distantly remember a time when I was happy, truly happy with what seemed like no worries. Oh, how I would kill to have that childhood innocence back, were everything was okay because you believed the world was all good and everything was just some big game.

Then I had those small moments now. Moments when I could let go with my brothers or sing with my bandmates. If course that was all ruined now, I don't even think kiri and kami would want me if they saw me now. Actually, scratch that, I know they wouldn't want me. they'd throw me to the side in seconds, just like everyone else.

Not that I'd blame them, it is my fault after all.

God I'm such an idiot! Stupid stupid deku!

I didn't pull in another breath as I fall asleep, at least, that's what it felt like.

Narrators pov

"katsuki! Wait!" the duel quirk user called out, chasing after his distraught mate. He didn't care for the curious and judgemental stares the lingering students in the hall gave him, all he cared about was his mate who looked about ready to blow someone's head off.

Shoto Todoroki felt the same if he was being honest with himself, which he wasn't, instead he was shoving all his feelings aside because who needs them anyway right?

The explosive teen came to an abrupt stop- almost causing Shoto to run into him- and spun around, crimson red eyes sparkling with tears, fallen and unshed alike.

"I told him to kill himself once," he whispers, voice shaking with guilt and betrayal. The taller male's eyes go wide for a moment before he regains his composer, his own eyes dry after willing the salty tears away. He doesn't speak, waiting for his mate to continue.

"I didn't mean it of course. We were fighting and it got personal quickly. We both said some things we regret but none more then me. I said something about him being quirk less and that he'd never be a hero. I-I then told him to-to take a swan dive off the building and hope for a quirk in his next life before running off!" his eyes were frantic, looking around the empty hall as if he was searching for something, the only place he wouldn't look was the other boys eyes.

Just as Todoroki goes to say something, the blonde whispers, "I never actually thought he'd listen..."

"as I'm leaving the building... he... he jumped... landed in a shallow pond like area..."

"that wasn't your fault," the boys lover whispers, putting a hand on his shoulder. The latter however just shrugged it off and continued.

"he spent a week in the hospital and during that time I couldn't stop apologising or reminding him how stupid he was for doing that. For actually listening to me. we became a lot closer after that, promise we'd never fight again nor keep secretes from each other. This was our first fight since then... all because he was so stupid! Because he couldn't trust us or didn't want us- whatever the reason he lied to me! to us! I-I thought we were friends! I thought I could have trusted him Shoto..." his voice ended in a whisper, so broken that the cold alpha immediately pulled his slightly smaller mate into a hug, a few tears even slipping from his own mismatched eyes.

"he has his reasons for what he's done, and while I don't expect you to forgive him- try to understand just a little bit and refrain from jumping to conclusions even if you're hurt. I promise we will talk to him and find out his reasons for what he's done. I'm almost certain it's he wasn't trying to hurt us, and if he didn't want us, why would he hang out with us?" his voice was strained, forced, almost like he didn't even believe his own words. The ash blonde boy didn't seem to notice, however.

"promise?" came katsuki's soft whisper, muffled due to the fact that his face was buried in the crook of the taller's neck.

"promise." Was the hesitant response.

When the mate bond between the pair and deku suddenly went out, both boys tensed, before writing it off as the smallest mate using the spray, minds to busy to realize that that was simply impossible for they had the only bottle of spray that could do such a thing...